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Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross is a licensed psychotherapist with almost twenty years of clinical experience in the fields of clinical psychology and organizational management. She has worked extensively with a wide variety of…
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How do you deal with negative people who have hidden agendas?
"I belong to a ladies group and there is someone there who is a very angry person, and is angry at either the group or group leader because of a lack of assistance from a higher up in the organization. She has been making statements that the "group isn't going to last." She recently went on a organizational trip with a different organization (many of our members belong to both) with four of the group members for a week and has been working on them against the group leader. What should the group leader do?"
In short, it is best to stay away from negative people with hidden agendas! If you must deal with this person in order to head off a disaster or simply to keep the peace then there are some things you can do. If your group is cohesive and has a core of dedicated people then they will see through to this woman’s motivations. I don’t know all the players but if I were advising your group leader I would suggest that she speak directly to this woman and hear her complaints. It sounds like there are many factions and at least some gossips. If this style takes hold of your group then this woman is correct and the group probably won’t last. Secrets and inappropriate alliances are usually the beginning of the end for most groups.
So get the complaints out in the open. Your group leader should hold a meeting and invite someone who specializes in conflict resolution to attend. This should be a neutral party who can help resolve any real issues that may be present. If the woman you are speaking of is just causing problems for her own personal reasons then this will get flushed out at such a meeting and those considering following her lead may begin to see her in a new light. These things are usually pretty unpleasant but if they are handled properly, like most conflicts, they can be managed.
- Cyndi
Related Discussions on DailyStrength:
In short, it is best to stay away from negative people with hidden agendas! If you must deal with this person in order to head off a disaster or simply to keep the peace then there are some things you can do. If your group is cohesive and has a core of dedicated people then they will see through to this woman’s motivations. I don’t know all the players but if I were advising your group leader I would suggest that she speak directly to this woman and hear her complaints. It sounds like there are many factions and at least some gossips. If this style takes hold of your group then this woman is correct and the group probably won’t last. Secrets and inappropriate alliances are usually the beginning of the end for most groups.
So get the complaints out in the open. Your group leader should hold a meeting and invite someone who specializes in conflict resolution to attend. This should be a neutral party who can help resolve any real issues that may be present. If the woman you are speaking of is just causing problems for her own personal reasons then this will get flushed out at such a meeting and those considering following her lead may begin to see her in a new light. These things are usually pretty unpleasant but if they are handled properly, like most conflicts, they can be managed.
- Cyndi
Related Discussions on DailyStrength:
I have made a decision to rid negative people from my life, be them family or friends. I cannot take it anymore. I cannot get myself out of a depression with a constant cloud of negativity hanging on me all the time. Posted on 11/27/08, 05:15 pm- I know we all have dealt with negative folks, sometimes we are the negative ones, but WHAT IS UP with these people who insist on ALWAYS seeing the crappy end of everything? Posted on 11/16/09, 03:53 pm
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Just walk away, because staying there only empowers them, gives them an audience, gives them an excuse to fight (cuz nothing you say is ever right). And, when ready to detach, just let them know that their negativity is not working for you, so you have o choice by to detach!