An often-proclaimed fear of my perpetually single clients is their belief that when people get married they stop having sex. I have actually heard this as a rationalization for why they have a fear of commitment. There are some realities to being in a long-term relationship, particularly when it involves having children. But those realities do not need to be as dire and sexless as some may think.
The reality is that in the hustle and bustle of everyday life that involves jobs, kids, mortgages and countless other obligations people get tired. Age plays into our energy level along with our general physical health. Many times sex takes a back seat to, well, just about everything else. This does not have to be the case.
Physical intimacy is an important part of a romantic relationship and maintaining our sexuality is an important part of our overall health. Couples who are in a long-term relationship and are sexually active report having a greater bond and being generally more satisfied with their partner than those couples who have stopped having sex. Of course couples that feel this way are more likely to be desirous of their mate so it is hard to tell which came first. What we do know is that couples that feel disconnected from their mate, when encourage to rekindle the romance, often have a renewed sense hope about the relationship.
So when the flame goes out – light a match. Don’t let too much time go by without making an effort to be intimate with your partner. If emotional factors are standing in the way then talk to a counselor. If physical limitations are preventing intimacy then discuss them with your medical doctor or speak to a sex therapist that can help you work around those issues. By all means don’t become comfortable with the status quo if you and your mate have stopped having sex, because time will take its toll on the connection you may have once had.
Every relationship has its dry seasons. Life events may interrupt a once passionate union. This is normal in the course of a long-term relationship, but the challenge is to find each other again and to reconnect. Like starting a new fitness program or resolving to make any positive life changes; once you acknowledge that you and your mate have turned the bedroom into a room designated solely for sleep, then you need to commit to making a change. You, your mate, and your relationship will benefit from your efforts.