Marriage and Family Therapist
Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross is a licensed psychotherapist with almost twenty years of clinical experience in the fields of clinical psychology and organizational management. She has worked extensively with a wide variety of…
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Best Friends Are There in Good Times and Bad
Posted in Parenting Teena... by Cyndi Sarnoff-Ross on Feb 16, 2012
We all need the comfort of friendship, it is human nature. Now there is new research conducted by William Bukowski, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology, that describes the importance of friends, and best friends in particular, on the mind and body of children.

Cortisol, the stress hormone, was measured in children who were being disciplined by a teacher. When the child was alone, versus in the presence of a best friend, their cortisol levels were significantly higher. The study was conducted in Montreal using 55 boys and 48 girls in fifth and sixth grade. Earlier studies have shown the benefits of friendships on overall long-term development but this study actually described the immediate benefits of having a best friend for kids who may be undergoing an unpleasant experience.

Bukowski explains that increased stress in childhood, which means increased cortisol levels, can have profound physiological repercussions in later life. It can cause everything from decreased bone formation to autoimmune disorders. It is in those early years that we begin to develop our sense of self and these ideas typically remain with us for a lifetime.

Parents who are concerned about their children being socially isolated should look at the overall picture. The old saying, “If you can count your friends on one hand you are fortunate,” is really true. It is less important that many casual friends surround your child than it is for them to bond closely with one or two other children. It is those close bonds that help to increase self-confidence and self-esteem. This is a truth that extends throughout adulthood as well. Help your children learn to foster those special friendships early by teaching them what it means to be a good friend and how to recognize a true friend when they see one. These are skills that will serve them well throughout their lifetime.

- Cyndi


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13
Like most children and young adults, I started out being very trusting and naive. It was a rude awakening to discover that people, especially females, would undermine me and try to destroy my reputation, turn boyfriends against me, etc. But I was blessed with a few true friends who are honest and compassionate.
By LivingWater  Mar 01, 2012
12
The last time that I tried a friendship was back in my 20s and jealousy still exists at that age, too. She was someone that I met at work and in the end, she turned everyone at work against me because of her jealousy. She had a personal race going on to get a boyfriend. She was jealous because I met guys and she didn't. She only met the ones that went to bed with her and left, immediately, to never contact her again!
By energylost  Mar 01, 2012
11
The last time that I tried a friendship was back in my 20s and jealousy still exists at that age, too. She was someone that I met at work and in the end, she turned everyone at work against me because of her jealousy. She had a personal race going on to get a boyfriend. She was jealous because I met guys and she didn't. She only met the ones that went to bed with her and left, immediately, to never contact her again!
By energylost  Mar 01, 2012
10
I've never been able to have a close FEMALE friend because their jealousy takes over and they begin a competition which I did not know even started. They try to steal a guy from me -- right in front of me.
By energylost  Mar 01, 2012
9
My problem is that most of the acquaintences always find time to be jealous over how I dress AND the men I attract. They try to dress like me to get ahead to try to attract the same men that are attracted to me AND try to get THE man that's interested in me OR get one before I do. There seems to be some kinda race going on that I dont know about!!
I learned very late in life how their jealousy always takes over just as the friendship is starting!!
By energylost  Mar 01, 2012
8
My wife's 'best friend' aided in my wife's infidelity. They still talk every day. It hurts. I debate whether I want to stick by someone who will stick by her BFF and not her hubby.
By hormishman  Feb 22, 2012
7
i was really lonely than i started looking on facebook for friends from HS and got connected to my 3 best friens during that time. I am visiting my very best friend next month she lives in Lake arrowhead so I am flying and going to a coffee clutch in the middle of the visit of HS friends its been since 1969 since Ive seen these people and im so excited jdizzle or jjdae. i had to change my email after this web site went away on my comp. Im not so lonely now.
By jjdaebragg  Feb 19, 2012
6
i was really lonely than i started looking on facebook for friends from HS and got connected to my 3 best friens during that time. I am visiting my very best friend next month she lives in Lake arrowhead so I am flying and going to a coffee clutch in the middle of the visit of HS friends its been since 1969 since Ive seen these people and im so excited jdizzle or jjdae. i had to change my email after this web site went away on my comp. Im not so lonely now.
By jjdaebragg  Feb 19, 2012
5
i was really lonely than i started looking on facebook for friends from HS and got connected to my 3 best friens during that time. I am visiting my very best friend next month she lives in Lake arrowhead so I am flying and going to a coffee clutch in the middle of the visit of HS friends its been since 1969 since Ive seen these people and im so excited jdizzle or jjdae. i had to change my email after this web site went away on my comp. Im not so lonely now.
By jjdaebragg  Feb 19, 2012
4
i was really lonely than i started looking on facebook for friends from HS and got connected to my 3 best friens during that time. I am visiting my very best friend next month she lives in Lake arrowhead so I am flying and going to a coffee clutch in the middle of the visit of HS friends its been since 1969 since Ive seen these people and im so excited jdizzle or jjdae. i had to change my email after this web site went away on my comp. Im not so lonely now.
By jjdaebragg  Feb 19, 2012
3
Get a friend is easy but find out a true friend is depend on luck.
By Tofayel  Feb 19, 2012
2
My best friend and I have been BFF's for just over 50 years! We haven't lived in the same state since 1975 but have always stayed in touch by letters, phone, and now with the magic of email. We have seen each other through the ups and downs of junior high, high school, college, jobs, marriage, children, and divorces. We can - and do - confide everything to each other. Having a long-term close friendship is truly a life-saver.
By madbookworm  Feb 19, 2012
1
I agree, a few good friends are really important.

So are a lot of casual friends; they balance things out, but it is the few good ones that are critical!
By ThePepperMan  Feb 17, 2012
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