Discussion Topic

llonely nights/no sex

Posted on 07/26/09, 08:37 pm
Mis my Husband dearly. Miss the cuddling and hugs and relations! Having a hard time. Been going through the hornyness! Not easy and just wondering if anyone else has or is still having this problem? Tried walking, reading, cold showers,and etc,etc. To no avail. Need some pointers. BTW, I am very much fearful of starting a relationship with another man. Let alone have sex with them! Help!
Showing 1 - 10 of 24 Replies
  • Reply #1 08/02/09  10:31pm
    Perhaps this was too blunt. it appears no one else is going through. Not asking for partners or anything like that just want to get through the night.
  • Reply #2 08/13/09  11:51pm
    I can understand what you are feeling I myself longing for that part of the relationship I had with my wife. It will probaboy sound weird, but I have been giving those feelings to God and some times it works, other times I just think about the other parts of the relationship tha I shared with her. A lot of the times I am like you and wait it out until it passes which for me can be a long time. I don't know if any of this will help but I too am figuring out how live without the one I had been with for twenty years. Take care
  • Reply #3 08/31/09  11:19pm
    I know what you mean. Even 7 Months before my husband died he was unable to have sex, and as time went on he lost even physical closeness with me. Even kisses and holding hands were mechanical. For him I think it was that one of his tumors was at the base of the spine..it affects everything male. I even broke down crying one night because I had started to think of other guys. Definitely not something people talk about with cancer, and I think that makes it one of the hardest things. Now that he's gone I still go nuts wanting to have romance and sex. It's enough to drive you crazy, and it hurts on a level that being "horny" doesn't even come close to. Haven't got an answer, but I get it.
  • Reply #4 09/09/09  11:00am
    it's a reality. you are not too blunt. you are a human and you miss the touch of another.
    totally natural. i had the same feelings. do whatever you have to do. if you feel like you need to get laid, maybe you can find an "activity partner" with no strings attached.
    men are different from women, perhaps we can be casual about sex, then again, woman can too, so. all i am saying is, its natural, nothing to feel weird about. if you are used to this and now it is not happnening, it can feel like another loss.
  • Reply #5 09/13/09  10:04am
    You are not alone. Before losing my husband, there was a significant amount of time wherein we lacked physical intimacy (sex, cuddling, kissing). After realizing it wasn't me, my focus became his well being and comfort. Now that he's gone; I need more comforting than sex, really (although it would be nice...) I cope by reminding myself that one day I will find another... There are days when I hope it happens sooner than later; but there are other days when I feel as though I can wait an eternity. Thanks for your entry.
  • Reply #6 10/04/09  11:13am
    Intimacy with my wife and myself was pretty much limited to hugging and kissing for sometime before she passed away, I had four young kids to look after, money problems, virtually no support and a mental battle to prevent it all getting to us, especially with my poor wife.
    After 18 months of this and a funeral I had to arrange and fund totally by myself along with all the other morbid things I needed to do plus consoling my kids, I felt an enormous relief, emotions which had been suppressed begin to come to the surface and thus began the process of grieving. Of course we all know what a rollercoaster that is and how long it can take, well one most prominent emotion I had was for sex, lots of it, total abandonment and as kinky as anyone who wanted to help felt like applying.I was vulnerabe, just as so many are when on an emotional journey such as ours. I had several offers of casual sex, took one person up but to be honest I felt empty and very unfulfilled despite the pleasure I got from it.
    I became involved with a gorgeous woman and had a wonderful time...at times anyway, she began to show issues which made me very unhappy and forced me to end it after a few months, despite the negative ending, it showed me I needed more than good sex when entering a relationship, I now understand when a woman says how she needs a man to care, the romance and soundness of a relationship before embarking on a physical one.
    Men really are the same as women in this department, many ladies can have casual sex and not regret it just as so many men are assumed to, the reasons for sex vary greatly and I think this is the difference, not their attitude towards needing it, regardless of gender.
    I am now seeing a wonderful lady, we're keeping it quiet as there are complications with her divorce and kids' loyalties but I now feel I would not want anyone else or feel I might be missing out anywhere else in this area, I guess I've grown up sexually as I feel more content as I ever have when it cones to needing sex. We all need physical experiences with other humans, there must be something wrong if we don't and should talk to someone should this be the case, what we mustn't do is feel guilty for our feelings, no matter how soon after we are widowed, our choices are for the future, our past is what it was...past, life is so short, get out there and grab a big chunk, we all deserve to especially after all we've been through...A
  • Reply #7 11/03/09  9:43am
    So interested to hear Im not alone! Excellent topic that I've wanted to so pose myself. I was married for 12 years (we dated for 5) before my husband died at the age of 39. Sex was a daily thing for us and cuddling at night was a must. It was like we were molded into one. We fit so well together. How do I find something like that again?? -- Never will -- but I am trying to find some comfort somewhere. The thought of being ALONE is a scary one but I have faith there is a purpose for eveything. I believe I will be with someone again someday and I have faith that my husband is even a part of finding that right person at the right time.
  • Reply #8 11/05/09  12:43pm
    I must admit I miss the physical comfort, cuddles and giving and receiving pleasure which comes from an intimate relationship. We were very touchy feely and always caressing and holding and touching each other up. Sex was very regular until she fell ill. So it is now five months and I am like a horney teenager again at 50! It is a very difficult issue that I am struggling with. So many pretty women everywhere. I have a strong faith and principles which I will not compromise. These arfe big issues to deal with and I find this forum helpful to share these things. I believe ultimate intimacy is for marriage so I am waiting for my next princess to come along.
  • Reply #9 11/21/09  11:23am
    My husband passed away 8/23 and the brain fog is just starting to lift. I am starting to get back to reality and I don't like it very much. I am starting to feel the need to be held close and touched. It' too soon, but I am definately lonely in that area.
  • Reply #10 11/22/09  1:15am
    It has been four months since my wife passed away, and I have to tell you there have been some very confusing times concerning the intimatcy area of my life, I long for the touch, cuddling and I agree with confused it is still to early for me. Jpflynn is right ultmate intimatcy is for marriage, so I am doing my best to let God lead me to the woman he wants me to be with. The hard part is to conform to the world's standard and go find whoever to satisfy the cravings that swell up form within. Be well all, take Care and God Bless


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