Chelssey

Farewell

Posted on 09/17/09, 03:31 am

Farewell:
September 16, 2009

I've lived with hands
Held in death,
Believing a lie told
To tear me down.
The chasm of pain, of lies most untrue,
Was someone whose words
I should not have heed
For now, I pay the steepest price.

I know that I must walk away,
Or soon my life will be the price that's paid.
My heart is now what hurts the most,
For I must leave the Sayer
of Words disordered and become
An unwilling host of thoughts
Of speech ruthlessly unhealthy.

So farewell dear mother,
Bring of disorders,
Of lies and of pain.
I pray we shall be together when we are well again.

Chelssey Van Santen

• Reply #1 09/17/09  8:11am
  
  jlynn3100
  wow, chelssey-very powerful! i can feel your pain. welcome to the corner!! we are happy to have you here! :-)
• Reply #2 09/17/09  11:18am
  
  Chelssey
  Thank you, jlynn
• Reply #3 09/18/09  3:23am
  
  Christopher...
  Heartfelt and moving. Welcome, I look forward to reading more of your work.
• Reply #4 09/18/09  11:20am
  
  Chelssey
  Suicide:
  
  I hear Him calling me.
  Do my will, He says.
  I wish I could,
  But what will?
  
  My mind begs for knowledge.
  My heart years for love everlasting.
  My spirit craves for peace,
  To be whole again.
  
  My mind's tormented by
  Thoughts of purity.
  A new life,
  A different past.
  
  "Why," I ask, "Why me?
  I have done nothing."
  
  Death, I think, death could
  help me.
  While in a grave,
  I can be nothing;
  Nothing except pure, holy,
  With no traces of the
  Pain and torture life brings you.
  
  "No!" God says,
  "Death is not the way.
  Purify it may,
  But there is a
  Time and place
  For your death.
  This Isn't It."
  
  "We love you." He says.
  
  Love?
  It is an illusion,
  Used by crafty men,
  And greedy people.
  
  Who can know if it's a facet,
  An imagery.
  It cannot be seen, only felt.
  
  To feel love is to know pain.
  To feel pain is to know love.
  To know pain is to know
  The pangs of love.
  
  Love is pain.
  The pain you feel
  From cupid's arrow.
  
  "Love," I say, "How can I
  Truly know what love is
  When the very people most dear
  To me run from my very face?
  To know this pain is not love,
  Is not peace, but the very
  Pits of hell.
  I wish I could leave,
  But fear for my future.
  Yet, if I did not,
  I would fear for my life."
  
  Is there anyway out, oh God!
  My soul cries out.
  I feel like I am alone in the world,
  With no one to save me.
  
  I just want someone
  To love me.
  Is that wrong?
  
  Fires of War:
  
  Fire reigning down on us,
  Tearing fear within our hearts.
  Hunger stabs through our ravaged bodies.
  Is this judgment for our many follies?
  We know not what we are fighting for,
  But it seems to be of great rapport.
  Fighting, fighting day and night,
  The world not caring for our plight.
  
  Peace, we shout, our united cry,
  We want the fighting to end no more to die.
  No more guns, no more bombs,
  No more 'rights' to fix the wrongs.
  Why can't we put our differences away,
  To work together for a better day?
  This war has gone on for so long,
  The sadness raising in a mournful song.
  
  This cannot be the will of God,
  To have the streets dyed red with blood.
  To have mothers, fathers, whole families,
  Fill the air with their many pleas.
  Put us beside our enemy great,
  Can you see a difference, a reason to hate?
  You would think there could be a better way,
  Than to fight this fight another day.
  
  Little Puppet Girl:
  
  One world of pain, another of joy.
  She's never known true happiness,
  She was played like a puppet,
  A mere useless toy.
  
  By day she's all smiles,
  never come from her heart.
  She smiles by a reflex,
  Like an actress with the lead part.
  
  She was trained like a robot,
  She was told, "Show no pain."
  Like a fool she had listened,
  Handed her life over again and again.
  
  You'd think her so happy,
  With the change in her life,
  But the pains still inside her,
  it cuts like a knife.
  
  She wants it to end,
  She prays for release,
  The doors have been locked,
  There are no more keys.
  
  She'd have to break in
  To her own broken heart,
  To let feeling in,
  To heal her in part.
  
  No feeling right now,
  Just a heart that does sing,
  God I need Your presence,
  And your healing please bring.
  
  Dream my sweet:
  
  Dream of a day that's sweet and right.
  Dream of a day that ends not with night,
  but rather has endless light.
  
  Dream of a world with joy to gain.
  Dream of a world with no more strain,
  with sadness gone and no more pain.
  
  Dream of your own blissful life.
  Dream of your banished strife,
  Cut down by a sharpened knife.
  
  Dream of these daily, don't let them flee.
  Dream of these daily, my dear, my sweet,
  And you will dream but half of what I dream for thee!

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