Let me be real with you, If you have been involved with a Mr Unavailable, every single act that he does is out of selfishness. He does not care what you think or want, and his actions are in contradiction with his words. Yes you are a grown woman and you have facilitated the relationship and his behaviour, but unless you are schooled in how to deal with these assclowns, its pretty damn confusing when you tell a man to beat it but they still wont beat it but they still dont play ball either.
This isnt tit for tat, and I am not saying hes selfish so be selfish, but I am saying stop thinking about this assclown and start thinking about you. If you have the time and energy to be worrying about what he thinks, you have not come far enough yet and youre probably in that stage where you may be spending some time obsessing about what he might be doing/saying/thinking right now.
The scariest thing You are sitting there being worried about being selfish and it is unlikely that he has expended even 5% of the volume of your energy considering what you have done.
Common behaviors of unavailable men
From the website: Mr. Unavailable and the fallback girl:
He is very reliant on text messages, instant messaging and email for the majority of his contact
He is ambiguous about the status of the relationship
You are not sure when you will hear from him next, even though you have been dating them for a while
You think you are in a relationship, but it is closer to a booty call
He says stuff like If only the timing was different, you would be the perfect girlfriend and If only things were different Id definitely marry you
When you try to tackle the status of your relationship or any issues, he either tells you what you want to hear or then returns to his normal behavior, or he just skirts the issue. One way or the other, you wind up back at square one.
He lives with his ex
He shares a bed with a woman that he claims is his friend
He admits is that he is dating multiple women continuously
He is not over his ex openly or he says He is over his ex but He is quietly still trying to cope with the end of the relationship
He mentions his ex or things that happened between the two of them frequently
He is an overt mother lover mummys boy, or He is a mother hater has an overtly negative
relationship with his mother
He has a girlfriend
He is married
He is recently separated or has been separated for a long time.
He has a long distance relationship
He does not call when he is supposed to. Ever.
He is one big walking excuse.
You feel empty after you sleep with him.
He creeps out after sleeping with you even though you have been together for a while
He has a stringent routine that he just will not deviate from, sometimes a sign that he has someone else
He will not take calls either before or after a certain time; often a sign that he is cheating, or that
He is afraid to admit that he is with you or any woman.
He does not come around to your place until late
He is resistant to involving himself in your life
He talks about his problems, his successes, his life it is me, me, me all the way
He determines the momentum of the relationship you meet up when he wants to meet up
He pushes is for an open relationship
He never refers to you as a girlfriend, partner, or any form of significant not other
He uses sex as his way of demonstrating his so called emotions
There are pockets of time when he seems to just disappear, and then he resurfaces with little or no explanation
It feels like he blows hot and cold
He is quick out the gate in pursuing you, gets your attention, and then goes into a slow cantor
He tells you that he has a lot of issues that he needs to deal with
He actually says not ready for a relationship but is still with you
He says he wants to get married, but there is no sign of a ring, no sign of a date, and years are going by
He can not commit to anything, no matter how miniscule everything that He is asked, such as whether he can do something with you is a big drama to get him to say yay or nay
He may try and sleep with you on the first night
You often feel like an armchair psychologist
He is so inconsistent, that He is become consistent at it and you now think it is normal
He does not feel any responsibility towards following through on plans he has made with you.
He will often have no respect for your time commitments and he will expect you to jump to his beat
He summons you and you run
It feels like a long distance relationship but you live in the same area/town/city
He has lots of female friends that are pursuing him. They are all catering to his needs. He gets to be jackofalltrades and master of no one. This is what one of my readers refers to as his Narcissistic Harem or Narcissistic Supply.
They tend to be quite tight fisted. They can spend a lot on themselves but will pennypinch with you.
When you ask about the status of the relationship or his behavior, he accuses you of being
Disproportionate interest and declaration of feelings at the outset of the relationship (lets move in, have a baby) and then he withdraws
You have been together for years but he is stalling on moving in or just plain moving the relationship forward.
You could be with him for a lifetime but you would struggle to see any progression in your relationship with him.
He is like a bad penny that keeps turning up. You end it with him but he finds a way to keep in contact with you periodically, or even sleep with you occasionally. This can go on for years.