Discussion Topic

The 8 Dangerous Men

Posted on 02/19/10, 06:19 pm
From the book: How to Spot a Dangerous Man before you get involved by Sandra Brown:

Here is the list of the 8 dangerous men, or as I like to call it: my love life thus far:


He is a needy, victim based man will give a woman a lot of attention in return for his needs being met all the time. He fears rejection above all else, so he is jealous of other people in your life. He will ask you give up your outside life and make your world revolve around him. He will try to convince you that he has been wounded and that you can heal him with your love if you will focus only him.


He wants a parent, not a partner. He needs you so much. In fact, he needs you to run his life for him. He has a difficult time doing adult things like working, completing chores, making decisions, being consistent, or paying his bills. He may give you lots of attention, but he will function very poorly in the real world.


He is married, separated, engaged, dating someone else or just breaking up with someone. He usually presents himself as currently unhappy with or not quite out of a relationship, but he is willing to have you on the side. Another type of emotionally unavailable man is the man who is preoccupied with his career, educational goals, or hobbies to the exclusion of ever having a true interest in a long term relationship.

With the emotionally unavailable man, there is always a reason why he canât fully commit to you, but he is usually happy to keep stringing you along. After all the situation is still convenient for him as long as you are willing to keep seeing him or sleeping with him on a casual basis despite the fact that he can not or will not get involved in a serious relationship with you.


He has undisclosed other lives that might include women, same sex partners, children, jobs wives, life threatening addictions, criminal behavior, disease or other histories that remain unrevealed to you for the long term or until you have been in the relationship a while and discover them yourself.


He can look normal on the outside, but after you have dated him for a while it becomes obvious that something is amiss. Most women lack the training to know exactly what is wrong, but depending on his diagnosis he may be able to convince you to stay and love him into wellness. He may hold you emotionally hostage by telling you that everyone leaves him.


Many women do not recognize up front the guy has an addiction or they mistake it for being a fun loving guy that wants to party. Addictions can include pornography, drugs, alcohol, thrill seeking behavior, gambling, food or relationships.


He starts out as very attentive and giving. But then Mr. Hyde appears, controlling, blaming, shaming, harming, perhaps hitting. Women who think abuse comes only in the form of a physical assault may miss warning signs of other kinds of abuse. Abuse can be verbal, emotional, spiritual, financial, physical or sexual, or it can be abuse of the system to get his way. With an abusive man, anything goes when he decides he is in control, and he will always be in control. Abusive or violent behavior always gets worse over time.


He has a sixth sense about how women operate. He knows how to play a womans woundedness. Although his motives might be to prey on a womans financial or sexual vulnerabilities, he is called the emotional predator because he hunts for his victims by targeting their emotional vulnerabilities. He can sense women who have recently been dumped, or who are hurt, lonely or sexually needy. He is a chameleon and can be whatever any woman needs him to be. He is very tuned in to a womans body and eye language as well. He can pick up on hints about her life and turn himself into what she wants in the moment.

Most dangerous men fall into more then one category. I call these combo pack men. For instance, some addicts are also violent. Clingers and seekers almost always have interwoven mental illness issues. Addicts are typically emotionally unavailable. Emotional predators usually have hidden lives, because hiding what they do is half the fun.
Showing 7 Replies
  • Reply #1 02/19/10  8:54pm
    I'm so glad you posted this.
  • Reply #2 02/19/10  9:28pm
    My ex has a combination of all the above. How hiddious
  • Reply #3 02/19/10  9:48pm
    xn was a combo pack extraordinaire, with 6 out of 8. He would fall under the following:






  • Reply #4 02/21/10  4:17pm
    What are we left with then?
    The gays?
    Literally every man I know falls into one of the categories somehow
  • Reply #5 02/21/10  4:47pm
    What is left is a kind, emotionally healthy man. I know several in my family and I have several friends that are married to 'good' guys. Guys they trust implicitly. Men that do not have cheat or drink to much. Guys that go to work every day and provide for their families. These guys are out there, for me previously I found them boring. Not anymore. I am not looking perfection, but I am looking for stability.
  • Reply #6 02/21/10  4:48pm
    I had to laugh!!! When I first read about personality disorders, I started to see so many people in my life with them, like the little boy in the movie "The Six Sense" I saw them everywhere. But I also had glimses of truth and I could see myself too. I am talking about :
    passive aggressive
    poor speller's. LOL!!!

    I may not be a full blown case of any of these, but I did recognize (it was uncomfortable to say the least) some of these habitual behaviors in myself. I used my ex to project a lot-(advoidence and projection??)
    The great writer on self esteem, Nathanial Brandon stated" your self esteem level will attract people with the same level." It's a hard pill to swallow, but the positive side of it is that if we are self determined enough, we can grow and improve our self esteem-There is no nasty fate that we are doomed to forever.
    And we are all here to grow together, to help each other become more self determined, and to give to each other unconditional support.

  • Reply #7 02/21/10  4:57pm
    the gays.... LOL. then we would think we could turn a gay guy straight.
    we just never met the nice ones, because more often than not, we will not meet them in a bar, or out on the town. or from some third party. and we never notice them. talking about the weather is boring. talking about anything is boring, unless it has to do with how we were hurt, how they were hurt, what their lives is like.
    so maybe we met a nice guy, who wanted to talk about tv shows, or the weather, or any random thing, because he wanted to talk to us, get to know us, and we sluffed him off, because it was boring.


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