Another "tool" that's freaking awesome....Posted on 12/03/09, 03:18 pm
It requires you getting out of that mind set
where your man holds some kind of "keys" to your
happiness - and putting the keys in your OWN
And it requires an ATTENTION to DETAILS.
So - here's where "Painting" comes in - try
1. Take a cup of water and go outside to a
tree, or a bush, or a flower, or a statue.
2. Now - you're going to use your fingers for
a "brush" - so dip your finger into the water,
and then "Paint" the tree, or the flower or
statue or the leaf, with the water - very, very
slowly and carefully - watching every single
stroke you make, FEELING every single stroke you
make, noticing every single tiny bit of the tree
bark, or the flower petal, or the leaf.
Go so slowly that you feel like you're going
in slow motion - and make sure you're AWARE of
every second that passes - and that ALL your
attention is on the water going onto the tree,
the flower, the piece of fruit hanging from a
Pretend the water is LOVE, and you're painting
this tree trunk, branch, fruit, flower, statue,
with LOVE - literally.
3. Now, imagine your man is standing in front
Put yourself in the Rori Raye Dance Position
(to get walked through the Dance Position and how
to use it everywhere, all the time so you'll be
an "Invitation" to your man, it's in my
Commitment Blueprint program):
...for now, LeanBack, open ("Unzipper") your
heart, arms down, palms out, focus on your
pelvis, relax your shoulders, smile.
Imagine him just STANDING THERE, smiling at
Feel what you feel.
4. Go to a mirror and while you're watching
your reflection in the mirror, Paint Yourself.
Paint Yourself exactly the way you did the
tree trunk or the flower or leaf or statue.
Touch yourself gently and lovingly, and
experience each stroke as if it were magical.
Pay attention to what you see and what you
Paint each hair, each tiny bit of your face,
your shoulders, your whole naked body if you have
If you have only a short bit of time (please
do this Tool often)- really focus in on the
detail of one small part of you - your eyelashes,
your forehead...your shoulder...your mouth.
Keep breathing, keep Leaning Back, keep
stroking yourself slowly, carefully - each tiny
Pay attention to yourself - really get into
this process of Painting Yourself With Love -
moment by moment.
5. Imagine your man, or an imaginary man is
standing next to you.
Imagine he's watching you.
Let him watch you slowly and lovingly Paint
Yourself With Love.
Imagine him standing there, smiling, leaning
forward, and watching you Paint Yourself With
Love - and imagine he is MESMERIZED (because he
certainly would be if you were to Love Yourself
like this in his presence in real life...)
6. Carry this image and this experience around
with you EVERYWHERE.
Imagine yourself painting yourself WHEREVER
you are - in the market, at the drugstore, in the
restaurant - and EVERY MOMENT you're with your
man - and...this is important...
EVEN IF he's not even looking at you.
EVEN IF he seems to be distracted.
EVEN IF you can feel yourself being jealous or
upset or hurt by what he's doing or not doing.
Imagine him WATCHING you Paint Yourself With
Love, and imagine EVERYONE in the place ADMIRING
you for Painting Yourself.
Imagine everyone wanting to touch you and
stroke you or take out a brush and Paint You With
How does that FEEL?
What makes this Tool so powerful is that it's
It's something you can imagine in great DETAIL,
and that you can experience emotionally.
So - how will this make you more attractive to
him on a deep, emotional level?
Because a man is NOT INTERESTED in experiencing
you loving HIM.
He's interested in experiencing you loving
YOURSELF when HE'S loving YOU!
He's completely captivated by a woman who is
so trusting of him, so open to him, that she
could experience her deepest pleasure when she's
And this is what you want to do.
You will wrap him around your little finger,
and activate your powerful Inner Siren if you can
LOVE YOURSELF in HIS PRESENCE.
He will be "blown away," and never, ever want
to step away from you.
Reply #1 12/03/09 3:20pm
Oh, by the way, the "dance position" is position one: square your shoulders, put one foot behind the other, and gently, slowly, lean back. SMILE. Take a deep breath, and again, keep SMILING. Relax your arms at your sides... and slowly turn your palms facing outward. And... SMILE. Breathe!
(totally works to make me feel instantly BETTER!)
Reply #2 12/05/09 4:04am
What an AMAZING sounding exercise. I am going to try it this afternoon. Thanks for sharing!
Reply #3 12/08/09 11:42am
How inspiring! Thank you, blessings, Vee
Reply #4 12/19/09 2:11pm
This was in an email I got this morning from Rori Raye..... Her stuff sounds like she's focusing on relationship but when you get into the nittygritty, it's about focusing on a relationship with YOURSELF....FIXING YOU... and gaining the TOOLS to learn HOW TO fix you.....
A real man doesn't want to be the center of
A real man wants YOU to be the center of HIS
And, the only way you can do that is to let
yourself BE THE WAY YOU ARE.
So, here's a Tool, called HANG ONTO YOURSELF,
that's about not letting the Nasty Voice in your
head (the one that's beating you up and telling
you to pretend to be different than you actually
FEEL), push you around.
Try it this way:
1. When your mean, nasty Voice is telling you
something's wrong - notice it - but don't pay
attention to the ADVICE and JUDGMENT it's giving
2. Don't pay attention to the Voice telling you
that you can't have what you want.
3. Don't pay attention to it telling you that
you WON'T have what you want.
4. Absolutely do not pay attention to it
telling you anything's wrong with you - that
you're not good enough, smart enough, pretty
enough, accomplished enough, you're not anything
enough - because that's a lie!
5. No matter how loud the nasty Voice is
yelling in your ear that you aren't everything
you want to be - THE VOICE IS WRONG!
THE TRUTH IS THAT YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL,
LOVEABLE, SMART, REALLY GOOD WOMAN, AND YOU DESERVE TO
HAVE THE KIND OF GROWN-UP MAN AND RELATIONSHIP
YOU DREAM ABOUT.
What I want for you is to believe this with
your whole heart, to believe that it is not only
possible, but the absolute total truth.
Everything I see with my clients and my own
life tells me this is true.
All my work and writing is to help you believe
Don't listen to the Voice running YOU down.
Listening to the Voice running you down is
what makes HIM seem so valuable, and that makes
you want to hand yourself over to him.
Don't let it get to you.
To help you listen to another, more positive
and inspiring voice, get a copy of my Heart
Connection Toolkit audio CD. It is a recording of
me walking you through visualizations, mantras
and exercises that will lift up your self-esteem
and replace that Nasty Voice.
Here's where you can click and replace that
voice that's bringing you down with a NEW voice
that will inspire you:
So don't listen to the Nasty Voice.
6. NOTICE why it's yelling so loud.
Notice what triggered it.
Did he say something that all of a sudden got
your nasty Voice all wild and crazy?
Did he do something that made you feel icky
for a moment?
That's a valuable clue!!
HERE'S THE TRICK TO HOLDING ON TO YOURSELF:
>>> When you hear the Voice, notice it.
>>> Notice that it's telling you that the icky
feeling you're feeling has to do with something
>>> Tell it it's lying, and that you're not going
to listen to it.
>>> Then, look for the trigger.
Maybe he said something that scared, annoyed,
or upset you.
Maybe you've decided your hair doesn't look
Maybe your girlfriend just told you some glum
statistic about relationships (which are never
true, by the way), or you looked across the room
and saw a super-model type and some old nasty
voice tapes started playing in your head.
>>> Then, turn it all around, and tell yourself
HE's the lucky one here, not you!
And, it's not just me telling you this - if
you really listen to yourself, you'll hear
another voice under the screaming nasty one.
It's YOUR VOICE, and it's telling you that you
are ENTITLED to FEEL GOOD around a man.
And, this voice is right.
You deserve a great man, a great relationship,
and to feel really good when you're with that man
in that relationship.
When you're "hooked" in to a baby-man, things
look very different then when you're with a man
who believes you deserve a great man, too.
With a baby-man, your nasty Voice will be
working overtime - screaming at you, rolling its
eyes, putting you down.
The voice will tell you he's better than you
And, you'll start to believe the lies the
voice is telling you.
And then, things will start to look like this:
MAGICALLY - THE MAN WILL START TO TELL YOU THE
SAME THINGS YOUR NASTY VOICE IS TELLING YOU!
>>> He'll stop calling.
>>> He'll show up late.
>>> He'll call you at the last minute.
>>> He'll challenge you to show him that you're
worthy of him by standing up to him.
>>> He'll tell you what he doesn't like about
>>> He'll flirt with other women and make you
feel second best.
>>> He'll try to get you more and more "hooked"
>>> And, if you give yourself away to him instead
of holding onto yourself, you'll start moving in
Slowly but surely, you'll start doing things
Offering to cook, clean, run errands.
Understanding him and making excuses for him
when he treats you badly.
Changing your life around so you can make time
for him, even though the time and attention he
gives you isn't enough.
And the biggest clue?
>>> All of a sudden, your self-esteem will go
You stop believing you look great.
You stop noticing how you feel at all, and
focus on how HE feels.
You hand yourself over.
AND, you may feel angry and frustrated and not
know what to do with those feelings.
You may even feel guilty for feeling so angry.
A REAL MAN WILL DO WHAT HE SAYS HE'LL DO.
A real, actual, grown-up man is so dependable,
you might be bored and want to drop him.
Please don't drop him just because he's
Don't drop him just because he's responsible.
Dependability in a man is the greatest
starting point ever - and it should be a
requirement for any man who wants to date you.
You deserve that.
Truly, you do deserve to have a man you can
And right there, if you make dependability a
requirement, you'll disqualify all the little
And guess what?
You'll notice your nasty Voice calming down.
As soon as you start to notice how you feel,
and start making choices about men based on how
you feel about yourself when you're with them,
you'll feel safer.
You'll start to trust yourself.
And, your Nasty Voice won't have so much to
It'll start going along for the ride.
Trust will start flowing.
JUST GIVE YOURSELF A BIG, HUGE, ALL EMBRACING
HUG. HOLD ONTO YOURSELF.
Expect your man, or the man you're about to
meet, to want to hold you tight, too.
Reply #5 12/29/09 2:01pm
This was in an email I got this morning from Rori Raye. Her stuff sounds like shes focusing on relationship but when you get into the nittygritty, its about focusing on a relationship with YOURSELF FIXING YOU and gaining the TOOLS to learn HOW TO fix you.
The walls of our own defenses, the shell we
put around our bodies and our hearts to protect
ourselves that really only keeps LOVE out.
Learning to lower our walls and defenses and
be authentically who we are with a man and
choosing, as much as we can, the most effective
and magnetic words and body language, too is a
baby-step-by-baby-step process that never stops
over our whole lives - so you never have to judge
how youre doing.
To help you handle all of this - heres a Tool
called Love Poem:
1. Wherever you are, if you find yourself
spinning in your head, or just being grouchy or
holding onto irritation or anger or resentment,
or anything that seems to be capturing your
2. Sit down if you can - the floor or the
ground is the best place.
If youre sitting watching a movie with a man,
or eating dinner, or just talking with him - and
you want to try doing this right there - Lean
back in your chair.
If youre standing at a party or at work, or
in line at a coffee house - Lean back in the Rori
Raye Dance Position right where you are. Now
3. Just let words flow into your brain.
Instead of full sentences, or even Feeling
Messages, let the words be Poem-like and let
one word lead you to another in an effortless
Heres an example of how this works for me:
Im walking in my neighborhood - there are cars
going by and people walking dogs, and trees and
I suddenly NOTICE that Im thinking about the
same things over and over, and that I cant seem
to get connected to the trees, or whats right in
front of me.
Its as if Im fighting against Being Present.
I just dont want to. It seems too hard.
So - I sit down.
I look around me.
I say in my head - or, even better - out loud,
what comes to me in little bits:
Trees sway, sky, dark asphalt, underground,
sad, feel breeze. Now
4. Allow these words to lead to other ones,
like a free-association - just let them
leapfrog around as images and wordsNow
5. Notice which words come from your brain,
from your neck up, and which seem to come from
inside you - your heart, your belly, your
When you feel a word that comes from your body,
youll feel more relaxed for a second. Now
6. Follow that word.
For example - Trees sway may lead to free
to fly to feel stuck to open to sad to
garbage to flying to disgusted inside to
sleepy to hungry now and so on and so on.
7. After about 30 seconds to a minute, youll
hit the thing thats really bothering you.
Well talk more about what that could be - but
its always something you were hiding from
yourself with all that stiff, from-the-neck-up-
brain-talk you were spinning in before.
Now - how does this bring a man close?
If youre feeling distance with a man, and
youre in the same roomdo this Love Poem Tool.
You can move to the bathroom or kitchen and do
itor try it RIGHT THERE, wherever you are, even
for 5 or 10 seconds.
Youll notice how quickly the tension in your
body lightens up, and your whole vibe will
lightenand whats pretty amazing is how quickly
HE he will pick up on the ATTRACTIVENESS of that
lightness and feel compelled to come CLOSER to
Reply #6 01/14/10 8:31pm
*bumping to front page*
Reply #7 01/14/10 8:43pm
I love the Rori Raye material, thank you for posting!
Reply #8 01/14/10 9:58pm
oooo..goody...thanks for bumping this up. She's not a crack-pot, is she? (only half joking here..)
Reply #9 01/14/10 11:03pm
I just pulled up another one. It was my favorite of them. Probably cuz it was really easy to do right after you read it. And I really did feel like it was helping me 'get it' as soon as I tried it.
It is called 'Instant Self Esteem . . .
Reply #10 01/15/10 1:35am
InDenial (I always want to write, Denali--guess that is left over from Alaska... ha!)
I don't think she's a crackpot, I bought three of her audio programs because the first one knocked my socks off. She's all about coming back to your OWN center, and it not being about THEM THEM THEM....
I love it. I really, really do. And when I listen to her stuff, DO the freaking tools she offers, I feel INCREDIBLE. Like I could take on the entire WORLD!
And slowly but surely, my inner core of strength has been increasing, bit by bit... and so has my trust in myself and in my boundaries. Her stuff is just AMAZING.
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.