I think the no male friend thing is also a big red flag for me as well. (Note to self: go update red flag list to add this!!!) yet another one that I ignored and will not again the future.
I think women tend to have a larger circle of friends then most guys, but I have never really trusted women that claim 'they only have guy friends and vice versa.
Mine did not have one friend that he kept in touch with. I know see that is his inability to form relationships with anyone that he is not using and gaining favor from.
I am glad that I do need this kind of constant ego stroking. A brilliant plan to make sure he keeps his Narcisst supply at hand.
Discussion Topic
"Narcissistic Harem"
Posted on 11/08/09, 02:43 pm
I have often wondered if it is normal for a man to have a lot of women friends. Since I am friends with most of my ex's female friends I did not think much of it. I read this a few days ago and was once again amazed.
"He has lots of female friends that are pursuing him – They are all catering to his needs. He gets to
be jack-of-all-trades and master of no one. This is what one of my readers refers to as his
‘Narcissistic Harem’ or ‘Narcissistic Supply".
My ex has a best friend of 20 years that is a beautiful woman. He has another woman friend that is just as beautiful but different than the first. He has his mother and sister he also confides in. When he was still living out of state he had (admittedly) an attractive female hairdresser, dry cleaner, counselor, dermatologist, family doctor and Lord only knows what else. He has one "good" male friend. This actually was a red flag for me. Then I thought, "no, he is just quirky like that" when really he is a " Jack of all trades and master of no one". He needs his ego massaged so he keeps different types of women around to do this for him at the drop of a hat. I have been one of those women.
Funny thing is that his female friends hang out with me now and invite me on trips, outings, etc. and he does not get invited...... interesting !! Hmmmm.....
"He has lots of female friends that are pursuing him – They are all catering to his needs. He gets to
be jack-of-all-trades and master of no one. This is what one of my readers refers to as his
‘Narcissistic Harem’ or ‘Narcissistic Supply".
My ex has a best friend of 20 years that is a beautiful woman. He has another woman friend that is just as beautiful but different than the first. He has his mother and sister he also confides in. When he was still living out of state he had (admittedly) an attractive female hairdresser, dry cleaner, counselor, dermatologist, family doctor and Lord only knows what else. He has one "good" male friend. This actually was a red flag for me. Then I thought, "no, he is just quirky like that" when really he is a " Jack of all trades and master of no one". He needs his ego massaged so he keeps different types of women around to do this for him at the drop of a hat. I have been one of those women.
Funny thing is that his female friends hang out with me now and invite me on trips, outings, etc. and he does not get invited...... interesting !! Hmmmm.....
-
Reply #1 11/08/09 4:59pm
-
Reply #2 11/09/09 7:04pm
Lisa,
Interesting - are you talking about my recent ex???? He has a mom and sister he talks to EVERY day!!! And, he goes to a place to get his hair cut that caters to men AND a female counselor - he has ONE male friend that he has had for years BUT this one friend has never been married and lives in his parents basement (he's in his 50's) I know he has a 'way' with women and they just want to do so much for the dear sorry man who has custody of his two daughters because he married such a witch!! And he uses the "I'm a single dad" thing sooooo much!! It's scary ------ and I thought he was the nicest man I had ever met!!! <sigh> -
Reply #3 11/09/09 7:18pm
Yes this is one of the things I've noticed too. My NPD exes and other NPDs I was attracted to always have a circle of female friends and little or no male friends. I tried not to be hypocritical because I'm a tomboy and was raised close to my male cousin and always grew up w/ guy friends, working on cars, motorcycles, riding bikes, catching frogs, etc. I've had a few female friends over the years but mostly male so I didn't want to judge them. But I noticed there was a very diff relationship between these guys and their female "friends" as there was between me and my guy friends. I can be "just friends" with guys w/o any problem, I don't flirt w/ them, I don't kiss or make out w/ them or anything physical/sexual, and there is no interest in them in that way. However, these guy's female "friends" were their ego boost, their supply, flirting w/ them all the time, using them to vent on when they needed support, but never providing the same support in return. Now one of the first questions I ask a guy that I'm interested in, is if he has more male or female friends and I check their facebook friends list and stuff like that. -
Reply #4 11/09/09 7:29pm
using them to vent on when they needed support, but never providing the same support in return
Yeah, I've seen this - so what's going on here?? Did they all have bad relationships with their dads or what?? What's behind all of this "female friends" - are they really wimps? I swear if he did go to a male counselor, the counselor would see right through him - but I think he has his female counselor fooled -
Comments welcome - -
Reply #5 11/09/09 7:46pm
My EX was exactly the same!! He always had these "women friends" come over to visit. When we first started going out I was jealous. But he told me they were just friends and nothing more. After we broke up I found out that wasn't true. He was sleeping with these women- you know when they were lonely, some one's boyfriend broke up with them, or had a bad day. Nobody had any boundaries or self respect. As you said everyone was catering to him, massaging his ego. Hoping they would become THE ONE. And I guess at the time I was included in the group. Thank you God for getting me out of that mess. -
Reply #6 11/09/09 8:06pm
I think mine was seeing his female counselor for so long she knew he would not change certain things so she left those alone. She told him to call her when he needed to once he moved. She picked up the phone a few times and no longer answers or calls back . That should tell us all something... maybe that he is hopeless. -
Reply #7 11/10/09 3:03am
my guy was seeing a female councellor, when I questioned that as he seems to have such little respect for women, I thoought a man would have been better, he seemed really suprised and said the problem was about a woman so a woman councellor would be better.......... but then he apparently only had 3 sessions, and it was sorted. she (his ex) was wrong and that was that!
vicki -
Reply #8 11/10/09 10:57am
Proves that he did not really want help. He just wanted someone to stroke his ego. When the (counselor) did not tell him what he wanted to hear he did not go back. -
Reply #9 11/10/09 9:05pm
Have any of your guys dated a bartender? Seems like that would be a perfect job for an N. -
Reply #10 11/10/09 10:32pm
ha ha.... when my ex met his now ex wife she was a bartender and hairdresser. TOO FUNNY !!!
Welcome
Join This Group
WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.
