Lisa4bama

I wrote the "goodbye" letter.

Posted on 11/06/09, 06:29 pm

The last few days when I have been withdrawing and feel like I can't breathe I knew something had to be done. I wrote the letter and cried the whole way through it. I have not sent it yet. I just tried to make sure it does not sound pitiful. It closes doors and that hurts, but it is what I have to do to heal. I have to break away. I have to rip off the band aid. I have to run to save myself. I realized last night when he called me to vent abut work because I am the only one that understands that it was past time. He "fell" on me because he knew I would be there to catch him. I just can't so it anymore. It hurts.

• Reply #1 11/06/09  8:48pm
  
  AgentSmith
  Well good for you for writing this! I did this for the first time a few months ago when I was involved with a man who was just using me when he needed someone to vent or needed the ego boost of having a hot girl to flirt with. Otherwise, I never heard from him and he didn't give a crap about me. When he finally had a "new girlfriend" aside from his wife that he refused to divorce, I finally had it. I wrote this letter and emailed it to him. I actually had to stop and think for 2 weeks so I wouldn't REACT in anger. Once I had finally calmed down and stopped crying enough, I wrote this email to him and was very careful with my wording, making sure I wasn't attacking him, but letting him know how he made me feel, complete w/ examples of his behavior toward me. He responded with the typical BS response we get from these guys. He actually did admit that he had treated me like shit, but also totally denied ever playing me or leading me on, and said he only thought of me as a friend (this after he had asked me straight out if I would be in a relationship with him). He was in complete denial of his behavior and wouldn't take responsibility. And in that singular moment, I really truly realized that he was just like all the other guys I'd been involved with. And I am no longer interested in guys like that. I immediately lost ALL interest in him and didn't even respond to his BS email. He never contacted me again (surprise surprise). Since that learning lesson, I have been real quick to spot these guys and get away before getting emotionally involved. So this email was part of a huge turning point in my recovery. Hope it will be for you as well.
• Reply #2 11/06/09  10:26pm
  
  SusyP
  I applaud you for this step you are taking. It is so hard at the beginnng. I know for me I was greiving the FANTASY of what I thought he was and the FANTASY of the relationship that I had built in my mind that very little to do with the relationship that I was experiencing which was the list you previously posted verbatium. hardly a good place to be.
  
  I can tell you that those first few weeks were horrible, BUT now after 6 months of no contact I know that I deserve so much better then the crumbs he was offering me. THat relationship did not uplift me, make me feel good or and did not bring out the best in me.
  
  Let this one go, no matter how painful, and promise yourself that the next person that you bring into your life will bring you joy and not sorrow.
• Reply #3 11/07/09  10:34am
  
  Lisa4bama
  I am so glad I wrote the letter yesterday. I have not sent it yet and need to re-read ans make sure it is not pitiful. I want it to show my strength, not my sadness. Anyway, he called last night and it showed up as another number. He called to tell me what a great day he had and how his life was turning around. This was after 2 nights ago I got the woe is me, my life sucks phone call. After writing the letter , crying through it and getting these extreme mood phone calls it helps me put it all in perspective. He needs help and I have to help myself by walking away for good.

WHEN BEING IN LOVE, MEANS BEING IN PAIN... This group is to help women through the journey of realizing they can love themselves. To help realize that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, whole relationship and break the cycle of abuse and heartache from loving emotionally unavailable men.