This bleak black hole

I am trying to crawl out this bleak black hole
Something to release me from my dark sole
This big cloud, hiding all positivity from sight
Please won’t someone help switch on the light?

Out of green rope I made a noose
It was good and tight, not loose
I learnt from the net, the hangman’s not
Memorised, when needed, it won’t be forgot.

I want to go, I want to go soon
No other way out of this doom and gloom
I am pushed and pulled in every direction
Getting more sick, fearing rejection

If I could be prettier, more slim
Perhaps this battle I could win
If only I could do what he does ask
Even if I was good at just one task

If I talk then ask too much,
Begging for affection, a gentle touch
All I see is contempt, a cruel streak
Making me cry, vulnerable and weak

Intelligent, but my opinions count for knout
Never finish my sentence as he begins to shout
Black or white, no shades of grey
A common thing that he would say.

All this misery and pain
Not stopping I go round again
Low self esteem, feeling insecure
But really can’t take this any more

All can see the writing on the wall
I am heading for one huge fall
Never ending, just one huge mess
Alive or dead, couldn’t care a less!