Discussion Topic

My sister was my abuser

Posted on 08/21/08, 08:49 pm
I read the information you had posted in the News section. What I didn't see, maybe I missed, was information concerning sisters as the abuser. I was sexually abused by my sister for years when I was a child. I get the "yeah right" look from people, even professionals when I disclose that my sister sexually abused me. She is only 3 years older than me but what she did to me when I was a child was sexual abuse not curiosity. I never forgot. It took me 37 years to disclose what she did and I still haven't gotten it all out. It really messed me up. I had and still have so much shame/guilt and disgust for what she did. Through my healing process, I have come to the conclusion that someone had to have sexually abused my sister as well because the things she did was not what a normal child her age would have knowledge of. It was probably the same person who had molested me at the age of 5. Nonetheless, it doesn't make what she did right. I have not confronted my sister about my remembering what she had done to me. I just disclosed it to my mom. My mom wasn't even shocked when I told her. It makes me wonder if she knew more than she is letting on. I wrote a poem I would like to share.

COULDN'T YOU SEE
By: Soleil

Where were you Mom?
Where were you Dad?
Couldn't you see,
Your child was sad?

I know at times,
You could see my anger.
Couldn't you see,
My childhood in danger?

Where were you
When she preyed on me?
Couldn't you see
All she was doing to me?

I cringed when you'd leave.
I cried for you to stay.
Couldn't you see
What I was trying to say?

While you were gone,
I went through hell.
Couldn't you see,
She never let me tell?

Her twisted pleasures,
I had to endure.
Couldn't you see,
Her love wasn't pure?

You left me with her,
My sister, I mean.
Couldn't you see,
The hate grow between?

My life was in turmoil.
I was twisted inside.
Couldn't you see,
All I was trying to hide?

I changed before
Your very eyes.
Couldn't you see?
Did you wonder why?

The pain was there
And so was shame.
Couldn't you see,
I was not the same?

Where did the hugs
And kisses go?
Couldn't you see,
No emotions I'd show?

Where were you Mom?
Where were you Dad?
Now you can see,
Why at you, I'm so mad!

I hope this copies right from my documents. For some reason another poem I put in another group messed up the contractions once I submitted it onto the site. Sorry this is so long. It is just good to find a group where there are others who will understand what I went through at my sister's hands. What my sister did is unforgiveable. To add irony to this, my sister's son-in-law raped my daughter 3 years ago. He's in prison now. The cycle ended there, I hope.
Thanks for starting this group.
Hugs,
Soleil


Showing 1 - 10 of 13 Replies
  • Reply #1 08/23/08  4:59am
    I am SOOo soryy you had to endure what you did, But the biggest thing I'm gratedful for is that you survived it.
    As a survivor myself, I tried to talk my life so many times but didn't succeed. I know there are many others who probably did succeed but I'm just glad I found you, someone who also understands. It is encouraging to know it is possible to not only survive but to break the cycle too.
    Thank yo ufor sharing
    God Bless
  • Reply #2 08/23/08  9:52am
    I have also been in your shoes. I've attempted so many times in the last year that I have lost count. This last time was the worst. I almost didn't get released from the psych. hospital either because of the numerous hospitalizations. Hopefully I can break the self-harm cycle too. Knowing that other people have felt the same is help in itself.
    Thanks for sharing also.
    Blessing and hugs,
    Soleil
  • Reply #3 08/25/08  10:52am
    i'll see what i can get on sisters being abusers im so sorry this happend to you keep talking
    much love ange
  • Reply #4 09/25/08  3:30am
    My sister was also my abuser. She's 4 years older than me and it started around the time I was 8-9 years old. It definitely went on for more than a couple months and she would scare me into keeping quiet using several ploys. I sort of confronted her about it when I was around 13 and she acted as if she knew nothing or I was delusional. It took me about 11 years before I finally told someone about my past, and even then I felt too ashamed to tell my best friend any details. I recently told my mom about my depression and kind of mentioned how I've also felt suicidal at times, and when she asked me if it had anything to do with my sister I choked up and couldn't say anything because I'm sure it would destroy our family even further when there's already enough troubles to deal with. I've scoured the internet and have yet to come across any information or article specifically relating to sisters being the sexual abuser, so I'm quite greatful to meet someone with the same story as me. **HUGS**
  • Reply #5 09/25/08  10:35am
    I'm sorry it happened to you too. There is a good article at the beginning of the group page you may be interested in. Hugs, Lucy
  • Reply #6 09/01/09  1:38am
    OMG!! I couldn't believe it when I read this. I could have written it myself. My sister sexually abused me for 3 or 4 years. She is 4 years older than me, which doesn't sound like much now. But as a child it is significant. Especially when I look at photos and see how small I was. For a long time I kept this way in the back of my mind and decided it was "no big deal" and we were just fooling around. I actually thought of it as benefitting me by teaching me about sex, penetration, orgasm early! Actually I never really acknowledged to myself that that much really went on. It always felt uneasy though inside. After I had been seeing a therapist for over a year I finally got up the nerve to just sort of present it to her, like, hmmm, theres this thing, I don't know if it is anything, probably no big deal. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. When she got some of the beginning info she said it was sexual abuse. I really didn't believe her. She had to remind me and tell me and like, support me. As I continued on my path of insanity I have shared it with 2 more professionals who say it was sexual abuse. I guess it was. Well, I wrote more here but deleted it. It's my first post and don't really feel totally safe here. I have already gone way out on a limb as it is. I just wanted to say I couldn't believe it when I found this site and group. I have searched and never been able to find anything on it. That didn't help me feel like it was really a legitimate thing. I am sorry about other's experiences but relieved to hear similar ones. Thanks for listening.
  • Reply #7 09/02/09  3:33pm
    my sister also molested me
    I think it only happened once
    I can't really remember my childhood
    my sister is only a year and a half older than me
    but I think my dad abused her and then she did to me
    no really believes me though...even my own mom
    my sister used to beat me everyday too
    and now shes just so disgusting to be around
    I still have to be around her even though shes 18
    and should move out
    ugh life sucks sometimes
    it helps to know other people know how I feel though
  • Reply #8 12/12/10  9:29am
    Hi
    I am new to this

    I was reading through forums on the net and at the moment am struggling myself with how to deal with the sexual abuse i believe happened between myself and my sister, i was about 8 when she first touched me down below i wet myself this night as a result!. it never happened again for a while, i was finding out about myself and my sister caught me and then said if i didnt kiss her and her boobs and lay on top of her moving she would tell my mum and dad what she caught me doing as it was disgusting. anyway my sister is now a lesbian which my mum can't seem to deal with . all my sisters girlfriends have been straight beore hand. When I was 30m i had a baby and all these feelings came flooding out that i didnt want my baby in my sisters arms. after the birth itr was difficult as mum was always wanting to know why my daughter wasnt going to her auntys a lot. i kept making excuses but then it all came out and i told my aunty as i did not want to upset my mum, my aunty thought it best shetalk to mum and dad for me. so it all came out mum and dad don't believe me now its christmas again they keep saying cant you just get some christmas spirit and let my sister see my daughter for half an hour, i understand that this is hard for them, as they live in spain so we dont see each other a lot, i havent even spokenb to my sister since, i need to though i know, but what do i say and how do i sort all this out??? any help will do please as im now desperate.
  • Reply #9 06/21/11  6:04pm
    Hi,

    I hope this group is still going... I've just stumbled across it and never seen anything like it before. Its the first time I've ever been able to read through stories of sexual abuse and actually identify! Trynot2breathe - I completely understand - I think because people think it doesn't happen between sisters you start to question whether it really was abuse. I've had to trawl through articles that define "abuse" to confirm to myself that, yes, it was. But I think the biggest indication is the feelings of helplessness, shame, anger, disgust and whether this struggle is really worh it all...? I've told a few people I was abused - my partner, my best friend, my counsellor - but never, ever imagined I would be admitting that it was my sister who was my abuser. I dont want to go into any details right now, but just to say I'm really glad I found this group and I hope people post again. xx
  • Reply #10 10/09/11  5:39pm
    My sister sexually abused me too. She is 3 1/2 years older than me. It started when I was about 8-9 years old. I can't really remember everything. I do have one really clear memory...but the rest is a blur. I think she stopped when I was about 14-15 years old. Except for the fact that she is gay now. She tells the rest of the family (behind my back) that I am gay too. I hate that...because I know what she is referring to when she says that...and she never has the guts to tell me to my face. Could it be that she knows that what she did was wrong...that she abused me? I have struggled with this all my life...it has affected every area of my life. I didn't tell anyone until this past year when the memories and nightmares became so overwhelming. I went into and now am trying to climb my way out of a deep depression. It's so hard. I just don't see how it is ever going to get any better. I too have searched frantically for info about sister's sexually abusing their sisters. There just isn't anything out there. And it just makes me feel like a freak. I have never been in a relationship because of it. I can't have sex because of it. It's not fair...it's soooo not fair. I walk around with the shame and guilt and pain...and she gets to walk around like nothing happened. If I were to say anything to my family...no one would believe me...

    It all just sucks!

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this group is for every women who has ever been sexually abused by another women. to help each other stay strong. this is a place for venting and questions. information on female sexual abuse on girls and women can be hard to find just ask and i'll try my best to find your answer! no one should feel alone on there journey and we should all be away from darkness. i love you all