Soulwoman120

Abusive Marriage

Posted on 10/13/09, 12:43 am

Hello, My name is Soulwoman I am 44years old with 3 children, 21,16,13 I have been married for 17 years but been in a relationship with this man for 20 years. I am tired of being hurt by him Mentally due to drugs and going to Jail. It seems like a cycle that I am tired of dealing with. we have been separated a couple of times, but he always comes back. He thinks he did nothing wrong. I feel all alone sometimes but my children keeps me going. I recently loss my mother 10/07. And all I remember her telling me when she was alive "When are u ever going to be tired of going through this" I don't want to fight or argue all I want is a peace of mind. This man has issue and don't think he do and I am tired. I have been threw a lot with this man and he seem to think I am not suppose to be tired of dealing with the drama. Please someone give me some advise on how to deal with this situation. There is more to the story but to much to type or talk about. I just need to talk to someone that has or is in the same situation as me and how they deal this.
Soulwoman.

• Reply #1 10/13/09  9:48pm
  
  splash62
  The only solution is to get out. It'll take a while to get yourself back together but soon you will feel like a new woman. Your children deserve a happy mom and a peaceful home life.
• Reply #2 10/14/09  1:50am
  
  Soulwoman120
  Thank you for taking the time to read My discussion....I am truly greatful. my god bless u and yours, I am trying to get out....without any trouble Just pray for me Please.... Once again Thank u.
• Reply #3 10/21/09  2:41pm
  
  Annery
  Hi
  
  Ask yourself: what matters to you the most. I take it is your own happiness and those closest to your heart. I believe a person that loves you will protect you, make you happy and treat you right. If a person does something wrong one too many times, i doubt if there is an guarantee that the situation will get better.
  You deserve to be happy in life. Your children deserve a happy mother too. When certain situations make you sad it affects you by causing stress and that sometimes can be passed on to the one you love(like your children).
  
  If you said it happened to many times, do you think this man is ever going to change?
  So consider your options, being on your own might make you a happy woman, they say time is a great healer should you consider to walk out, don t be hard on yourself. Take time to love yourself, and perhaps wait alittle longer if you find a good man again. I am sure there is someone out there who will make you happy.
  All the best with whatever choice you are going to make.
  Pray to God too.
  Hugs.
• Reply #4 11/15/09  8:48pm
  
  GranET
  SoulWoman12
  
  I am farely new and don't post/reply to too much just read to find answers to my many issues.
  
  I was in a similar situation years ago. I am only a year younger than you. I didn't marry my children's father but I experience the issues with his drug abuse. He never hit me because I promised him that I would end his life because I witnessed my mother go through physical abuse from my stepfather whom I loved dearly but did not like what he did to my mother and my sister(s) during his years of drunkeness.
  
  My advice to you, is to seek God and trust His answers to you. He has probably already shown you in so many ways, but during our time of confusion we don't realize what He is telling us.
  
  There were times when I just couldn't deal with the verbal and mental abuse, I would get face to face very close and tell him "that they say killing you is not the best thing to do but they don't have to live with you". Once I told him several times, I prayed very hard because my children were very young and my (our) son was sickly and I knew I had to take care of them because although I had family, my family would not raise them. I talked to God and asked Him to remove the situation. I didn't want to raise them without their father, but he was not taking care of them. I was the one working paying the bills and he would steal all of my money for his next fix. So needless to say, when he went to jail I was able to move on. Didn't know how I would manage doing so, but only through the grace of God would I be able to live and raise my children without the confusion and abuse.
  
  Your children are of an age now were they understand and they would really want you to be happy so all of you can live the best life to its fullest without having to worry about what is going to happen today.
  
  Seek God if you don't know Him already. Lay it all out to Him and just wait. Know that your answer may not come today, tomorrow or the next day, but when He decides that it is time for your new life to take shape. Well, it is already taking shape because you have reached out, now it is time to reach up. Grab on to Gods' unchanging hands and don't let go from this moment forward. Trust Him and know that He will never leave you nor forsake you. His promises for all of His children are true. We just have to standfast and wait.
• Reply #5 11/15/09  11:18pm
  
  sunlightand...
  If you get out, your children will admire you for putting your health and their health first. Even if it means going to a battered womens shelter or a friends home. This will be a good role model for them for any future relationship in that they will learn to take care of their safety first, you would be the role model for that. I was raised in an emotionally abusive household and begged my mom to leave and she never did, therefore ended up in a string of abusive relationships as an adult because i never saw her protect herself so did not ever see that as a reality. I am happy you are asking such good questions.

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