momf333

struggling still over my son

Posted on 09/22/09, 02:25 pm

i'm 60 yrs.old.after i explain you'll probably say give it a rest already.
that's the problem i can rest in my heart

i was close to my son when he was younger.he's now almost 31.we use to
talk about everything.he was add with hyperactivity,so he got himself
into alot of trouble.

i made him leave because after high school he didn't keep up with any
of his responsibilities.we didn't talk for a couple of year's.i worked
3 door's away from where he lived.never came over to say a word.barely
called.i guess he got over it.

we started talking a little more,than it stopped. he just got seperated
after 14 month's. he ignore's me on facebook and never email's.i never
complain about my ms.i've had a really rough couple of year's especially
the last 7 month's. i've seen him 2 x's in that time if i'm lucky.

he makes light of everything.partly in denial,but darn it,it really hurt's
i've spoke to him several times about it.he tell's me what i want to hear.
the last couple of week's i thought i started to lighten up on focusing
so much on him.today comes and i'm right back where i started.

i'm not going to call him.if he doesn't feel like talking he just blows
me off.i just open myself up to get hurt.

would anyone tell me their thought's,i'm desperate.

thank's if you took the time to read my book.lol

• Reply #1 09/23/09  5:07pm
  
  zybasima
  Hi, I have the same problem but my son is a little younger. I can only tell you what I have done. I have put the ball in his court so to speak. I told him via mail that I love him and always will care for him. I also told him if he wanted me to leave him alone I would do that too but that when he is ready I will be there for him. That is really all you can do. Sometimes by chasing them we push them away. It is a game they like to play. They don't mean to hurt anyone but they like to test our love to see how far we can be pushed without giving up. I made it clear to him that I will never give up on him but I won't chase him around either. It is up to him. When he is ready I am there and if he is not, I go on with my life..... Hope it helps. Hugs
• Reply #2 09/27/09  1:57pm
  
  lindahoward7
  I agree with zybasima...sometimes, it takes a long time to grow up..I am 63 and am still learning. I would definitely say a prayer for him every day and then open up your life to whatever God would have you to do. HE sees farther down the road than we do and sometimes, I think we think, we will never get out of the valley, but we can and then on the mountaintop...given time, another valley to grow stronger. Open up your arms for a great big hug? Did you feel the hug? Hope so!! I understand how you feel.
• Reply #3 09/30/09  12:05am
  
  momf333
  oh i want to thank the both of you for responding.boy did i ever feel
  that hug lindahoward7.so sweet of you.
  i'm working really hard on some of what you advised.i've been talking
  to god to give me strength to stay away.
  i'll write again soon. great big hug's to both of you,dianey
  
  p.s. i gave myself that nickname a long time ago,i do like to be silly
  alot.lol
• Reply #4 11/07/09  5:48am
  
  Truzily33
  I am 70 years old and I have been estranged from my son for the past 10 years because of problems with a family business. The sad part is, that both he and his wife have kept our 3 grandchildren from us for all that time. I have tried to speak with him, but he refused to even talk about anything. We were very close before all this came about. I need to find a way to get rid of all the anger and sadness. I find myself hating the holidays, and I'm trying so hard to be happy for the sake of my husband, daughter, and her son (my sweet Michael). I can understand what you're going through. I love my son, but I don't like what he has done. He is very disrespectful and very self righteous. I feel so guilty sometimes because although I would give my life for him, I have days when I can say, "I hate him", out loud!!! I long for the little boy who once loved me......thanks for listening :o)
  
  
• Reply #5 11/07/09  7:33pm
  
  lindahoward7
  We must love everyone - we do not have to like them - the things they do or say ....keep love there - as God loves us no matter what, even though HE gets hurt by us too...I know it is not easy, but it is liberating and the right thing to do, I believe. :)
• Reply #6 11/08/09  3:42am
  
  Truzily33
  You misunderstood what I was trying to say. I do love everyone, especially my son. I am so angry and so hurt because he has deprived us of our grandchildren. He and his wife are very selfish and think they are better than anyone else. The only thing that keeps me going is to believe that what "Goes around, comes around". I have an appointment with a therapist to try and get rid of all this anger. I am so sad to think that I might leave this earth never seeing my son or grandchildren again. There is one happy note, last Christmas his eldest daughter, my first grandchild, contacted us and is now back in our lives, she is 26. She says she is older now and can make up her own mind about the way her life goes. She and I had a very strong bond until she was 15 when all this crap happened. I am thankful for her.
• Reply #7 11/11/09  5:40pm
  
  GranET
  As our children grow up and become adults they feel that they are no longer children and our opinions don't count until their backs are against the wall. As a mother, it is very heart breaking when our child(ren) pushes us away over a small dispute. I try to instill in my daughter and son (although he is special needs), to not to throw me away. And I tell them, especially my daughter, you only get one mother and she will be there in your corner through thick and thin no matter if you were right or wrong.
  
  It is heartbreaking and I do feel your pain because a mother's love is very precious, especially a true mother.
  
  Hold on to God's unchanging hands and He and through your prayer and tears, your son will come around.
• Reply #8 11/12/09  6:03am
  
  Truzily33
  Thank you for your kind words
• Reply #9 11/12/09  7:04pm
  
  GranET
  You are welcome.
• Reply #10 11/12/09  10:18pm
  
  lindahoward7
  I know in my life, sometimes all I can do is pray.

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