Discussion Topic
need some help
Posted on 08/31/09, 09:08 pm
I feel so guilty anymore. I've been married for almost 30 years. My husband is a good man but he has a problem with drinking. He doesn't get really drunk but he drinks everyday and it really turns me off. It's gotten to the point that I don't even want to be around him anymore. We're no longer intimate and pretty much live seperate lives except that we still live together. I'm 49 years old and just feel so tired. I'm not sure I want to start all over on my own but I often wonder what my life would be like without him. I'm afraid that I'll be jumping from the frying pan into the fire. I can't bear the thought of hurting him but if I stay I feel like I'm hurting myself.
I tried to talk to him about his drinking and how it is affecting our relationship but he doesn't want to quit, or isn't able to. Do you think I should stay and be grateful that he isn't abusive and makes a good living or should I go and see what life is like on my own? I've heard that not being able to make a decision is in itself making the decision to stay. I'm just so tired of feeling this way.
I tried to talk to him about his drinking and how it is affecting our relationship but he doesn't want to quit, or isn't able to. Do you think I should stay and be grateful that he isn't abusive and makes a good living or should I go and see what life is like on my own? I've heard that not being able to make a decision is in itself making the decision to stay. I'm just so tired of feeling this way.
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Reply #1 09/01/09 4:36pm
I understand how you feel - it is lonely too, huh. I have no advice because I am afraid to advise you. Seek professional help from a Christian. -
Reply #2 09/02/09 5:59pm
I understand how you must be feeling. My Late Husband was an Alcoholic . I t will be 15 yrs. this month when he died . Let me tell you it wasn't easy living with him We were only married about five and a half yrs. I felt very lonely when I was married. I understand how you must feel in starting over after being married for 30 yrs. I know it's not easy but you just have to make up your mind on whether you want to stay with him or not. I stayed with my husband until the day he died. Hoping he would come to his senses and stop drinking. It didn't turn out that why. My husband was an intelligent and also made a good salary. He drank his life it away only at the age of 40 years old. I hope you make the right chioce in whether to stay with your husband -
Reply #3 09/22/09 6:05pm
Hi it sounds like you have been thinking about this for awhile. Change is definitely hard. can i ask if you have discussed these feelings with him? maybe he would be willing to get some help to discover what the "real" reason for his drinking. Maybe if he knew how you were feeling and what changes you are thinking he would do whatever steps necessary to keep you in his life. -
Reply #4 09/22/09 6:17pm
God help you...sometimes I think those addictions are like having an affair with another, but when you count their good qualities, it is hard to change, -
Reply #5 09/23/09 1:13am
i used to tell my husband that we were simply two people who happened to live in the same place. only you can determine what is right for you but i will say that after making the momentous decision to protect myself and my children first i believe that you have to put yourself first sometimes. alcohlism is a disease but there is help for it and if he doesnt choose to make healthy decisions for himself and in turn for his family maybe its time to take a step back and reevaluate the situation. and i know the fear of starting over and being on your own again but i can honestly say that this time stepping into that fear and having to deal with the hardships that come with this new beginning for me and my kids is definitly worth being free. however, this is only my opinion and every situation is different take a step back and look at what is best for you -
Reply #6 09/23/09 5:03pm
I, unlike most people, do not believe alcoholism is a disease. I believe that in life, we make choices and what is important to us is what we choose. It doesn't necessarily make him a bad man it just means that right now, that is what is important to him. Another issue is that you should never think someone will change. Usually they don't but if they do it is a great surprise. You should ask yourself can you live with things the way they are now. Sometimes, divorce is necessary and healthy. If you stay in a bad situation it can make you resentful and cause an adulterous affair out of sheer loneliness. On the flip side, the grass is never greener. If it isn't drinking it would be something else. Anger maybe or a sport addiction.... It is the society we live in you know... a feel good society. I don't think it is an answer but maybe some things to consider.
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