kmwillwin

bedroom issue

Posted on 08/19/09, 08:35 am

I have Breast Cancer and am undergoing chemo right now. My husband and I have family issues, in regards to this, and now it seems we are starting a bedroom issue also. I don't always feel like having sex and he says that we don't have to have sex in order to be happy and love each other. But Sunday night I made him go without, for 1 night, out of the past 3 years, because I felt he was being selfish in the bedroom Friday and Sat. nights and only thinking of himself. You see, he takes this little blue pill on the weekends and wants sex about 4 or 5 times a night and I just cannot keep up with that. I am wore out enough already, but am trying my best to keep him happy and satisfied also. Is he that heartless that he expects me to do this even if I don't feel well and have absolutely no energy?? It is wearing me out and is starting to feel like a required job, more than a pleasurable experience. Since Sunday night he has brought it up a few times already that I don't want to have sex with him anymore, just because we missed that 1 night, and that is not true. I did tell him that I cannot keep going at the rate of 3 or 4 times a night, or it will get me down in a hurry and I will not be able to fight my disease as well. I did say to him last night "I am afraid that if there comes the time when I cannot have sex for a week or so that you will be out looking for someone to stray with because you cannot go without for that long." I am looking at surgery in the near future and don't know how I will feel after that. Anyway, he did not like my comment at all and keeps telling me that he would never do that, that he loves me. I'm sorry, but does he love me more than the sex? Sometimes, I feel uneasy about that question. Anyway, I am not sure how to handle this besides trying to explain to him that I have feelings too, which is what he said to me last night. Excuse me, I am the one with a life threatening illness and he is just adding stress to that with allot of his actions. I just don't know anymore...............

• Reply #1 08/19/09  11:50am
  
  Sabrina15
  Sorry, you're going through a difficult time regarding your health, and your husband's demands. First of all....he should be more supportive of your illness, and less demanding. From what you've said, it does appear that he loves you, but his sexual urges are quite strong. Remind him of your marriage vows, especially the part about "For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in SICKNESS and in health." You need to focus on your well-being, and beating the cancer. Take care of yourself. *Hugs*
  
  Sabrina
• Reply #2 08/20/09  6:08pm
  
  lindahoward7
  I agree 100% with Sabrina15.
• Reply #3 08/22/09  12:17pm
  
  lexpea
  Why doesnt he stop taking the blue pills? That's probably what is giving him so much of an urge.
  I think he does love you. Men just have a problem with their ego & sexual drives..He's extremely sexual because of the blue pills. He finds you extremely attractive and to him you not wanting to probably means that you are not as attracted to him. You have to tell him that is not the case. Perhaps try finding other ways to express how much you want him in other ways. you have done so much for him. He needs to come to understand that you are ill and you are just physically ill, not that you don't want to, but that you can't.
  He's probably just thinking more about his insecurity than your health at that time.
  Have you tried going to your dr and personally talking to him or her and explaining the situation. Then having the dr. sit you both down and talk about your health in front of him. that you need your energy to fight off this disease meaning you won't be able to be as physcially active as you were before?
  Idk..I'm trying to think of a way that will make him understand
• Reply #4 08/26/09  6:31am
  
  Countrygrandma
  I have been married for 2 years to a wonderful man. Because of my illness and the fact that I have gone through manapuuse I hardly have the energy for sex anymore. My husband is completely supporive . He does not go out looking for it somewhere else. If you feel that he thinks only of himself, he probably is.If he is putting sex before your well being, just tell him no and let him deal with it. If he loves you he will understand. I hope it all works out for you. Stand up for yourself as a woman. Marriage is not all about sex.
• Reply #5 09/03/09  8:45pm
  
  Willow666
  I totally agree with what everyone here says. My husband has a VERY high sex drive - and at the moment I have a very low one. It's hard but sometimes other things have to be put first. You have a serious disease and he should be supporting you, not popping his little blue pill.
  I guess I would advise you to not do what I did and just do it because he wants it. I stopped that and realised it was 'quality' not quantity!
  I hope you look after yourself and are able to sort this out - after all you need your strength to get well.
  sending healing hugs
  P
• Reply #6 09/28/09  9:12am
  
  LorT
  After I had a heart attack my now ex was acting a lot like your husband...we had been engaged but I broke it off...we were trying to work it it...we never lived together but he expected us to be together on week-ends...all week-end and that just was not possible...he had been a bit like this before...ALWAYS demanding and expecting sex...he t also had ED and finally went to the doctor and got those "pills" and he took the pill and told me after he had taken them and it was upsetting for me because that meant he already had assumed we were going to have sex...another time he complained about their cost and how he had taken two he was only to take one...it made me feel like I couldn't say no to him but I did and I broke up with him over his anger issues and his general lack of concern about ME...he was not supportive of my heath issues...the heart attack, the fatigue or other health issues I was going through...I felt like he was selfish and ONLY concerned about his wants/needs and not mine...I was very sad and empty and then I decided my health was too important to stay in this relationship...It has not been easy but the stress is finally gone...he ended up cheating on me and I think that was not the ONLY time.
  I would try talking to him again and share your feelings...maybe you and he could spread it out over the week...or he could take care of himself...sometimes I just want to sleep and he would actually wake me up if I stayed over at his apartment ...I could get a good night's sleep or sleep in the next morning...usually at his place we would have to get up early so he could go get his son and his son's g/f and take them somewhere...his son would sometimes call in the middle of us being intimate and he would stop and answer the phone and then think we would just carry on where we left off...I asked for him to take me home...it would be a promise we wouldn't have to get up and that they would have to wait until later in the morning for him to drive them somewhere. He said I could stay at his place but I began to just ask to be taken home...I had my youngest son still living at home.
  He would go get his son and his son's g/f take them someplace...wait and then take them home...and he wouldn't sstop to get a coffee/tea and we would have to wait usually to get breakfast...it seemed he was near the end or around the time I kept hoping he would change I realized it was over for me...I was not his fiancé but just someone he felt like he owned...in the end I came to realize he was "abusive"...
  I hope your husband realizes the stress he is putting upon you my ex didn't get that and while I loved him I couldn't deal with him anymore and his ignoring my feelings.
  take care hon I hope things work out for you.
  Do you think the doctor could talk to him and explain it to your husband?
  Maybe if someone else talked to him about the stress he was putting upon you he might just get the message.
  

Women helping women with there female issues, problems, giving advice, just overall helping each other with daily struggles. Relationships, rape, men, drugs, addictions, STD's, pregnancy, family, friends, ect. Anything you want to talk about, open to all discussions.