Nerves of Steel She Didn't Have
A female walked into a bank in Centereach, New York and handed the teller a note, demanding all her cash. The note said she would start shooting if the teller didn't comply.

The teller asked her, "Are you serious?"

The suspect responded by fleeing the bank.



Died in Afghanistan
A woman in Gloucester, UK, filed a life insurance claim on her husband's $550,000 policy, because he had died in Afghanistan of brain trauma after an accident. She had the death certificate to prove it.

You would think a dead man would not need to see his doctor for anything. But, yet, the husband showed up at his general practitioner a few weeks later.

He had also been living openly in Gloucester, working and paying taxes.

They were both sentenced to community service because (1) they were "less than sophisticated," in other words, dumb and (2) no money was lost.

Makes you wonder about justice.



Don't Mess with Pizza Hut
A former employee of a Pizza Hut tried to extort $500 for five car roof signs that he took while he worked there. You know, the kind the pizza guy (or gal) puts on top of their car when they go delivering pizzas.

The manager told him he wanted proof that he really had them. So the guy emailed him a picture. Only problem was, the police were able to zoom in on the license plates of two cars in the background which were registered to the guy.

He was charged with extortion, possession of stolen property and grand larceny.




Watch Out For the Old Broads
An 85-year-old woman heard someone break into her home one Sunday afternoon. She calmly walked past the teenager and into her bedroom where she got a .22 caliber gun she kept there. Then she came back out, pointed the gun at him and made him pick up the phone and call the police.

She kept the gun pointed at him until the police arrived. The boy was charged with attempted burglary.



Memo to Self...
A man in Texas left his car running outside while he robbed a drug store of Zanax and hydrocodine. He ran outside to his get away car only to discover that he had locked the keys inside in the ignition.



I'm Really Over 21
A man walked into the corner store with a gun, planning to rob it. He demanded all the money in the till. The cashier put the money into a bag, as the robber instructed him to. The robber then demanded the bottle of Scotch he saw behind the counter. But the cashier wouldn't give it to him because he said he didn't believe the robber was over 21. The robber pulled out his driver's license to prove it and the cashier gave him the Scotch.

After the robber left, the cashier called the police with the man's name and address. He was arrested soon after.



Never Represent Yourself
A man was on trial for robbing a convenience store. He didn't like the job his attorney was doing, so he fired him and represented himself. He was doing a fine job until the manager of the store got to the stand. When she identified him as the robber, he jumped up and yelled, "You're lying! I should have blown your head off!!" He paused, then added, "If I had been the one that was there."

It took the jury only twenty minutes to find him guilty. He was sentenced to thirty years.


Donâ??t Forget to Pay Attention
A man thought that the best time to steal a car would be when the driver was getting out of it. He watched a woman stop and park her car. He approached the car, attempting to steal it. The only problem was that the driver was in the process of attaching an anti theft device to the steering wheel. She used it to beat him over the head. He was arrested and charged with robbery, assault and grand larceny.



Failed Jail Break
Two inmates were attempting to escape the city jail by crawling through the air conditioning ducts, but fell through the ceiling into the office of the police chief.



Don't Commit a Robbery While Intoxicated
A woman arrived home and saw a man breaking into her house. She called her husband, then called the police. The husband rushed home and saw the intoxicated man leaving his house. It was someone he knew. So he went over to talk to him. They chatted by the side of the road long enough for the police to arrive and arrest him.



To Do List
Two men escaped a prison in Vermont. When they were caught in New York City, they were found with this To Do list:

Drive to Maine
Get safer place to stay
Buy guns
Get Marie
Get car in Dartmouth
Do robbery
Go to New York

Guns for Hire
"Guns for Hire" is a company which stages gunfights for Western movies and for other events. One day a woman called and asked if she could hire them to kill her husband. She was sentences to 4 ½ years for the request.



That Stinks
A man broke into a landfill and attempted to steal $10 worth of copper. Only problem is that he got stuck under a large metal trash bin for 12 hours until the employees found him the next day.



No Warrant?
A man was charged with drug possession. At his trial, he claimed that the officers had searched him without a search warrant. The judge explained that they did not need one because the bulge in his pocket had looked like a gun. The man happened to be wearing the same jacket. When he handed it to the judge, a bag of cocaine fell out of the pocket.

The judge had to take a five minute recess to regain his composure.



Not Spicy Enough
A man called 911 to report that a sandwich shop had left off the hot sauce when making his spicy Italian sandwich. He called a second time to complain that the police were not responding quickly enough.

The employees had locked him out when he left to make the call because he was yelling at them and belligerent. The police tried to calm him down and explain the proper use of 911, to no avail. He was arrested and charged with making a false call to the police.



Don't Litter
Three people were arrested when a recreation center reported their vending machine had been burglarized. The police arrived to find that most of the contents had been stolen. They went outside and followed a trail of Cheetos to a house nearby where they arrested the three young men.



He Loved Chocolate
Store employees called the police when they saw a 15 year old boy steal some candy bars. The police caught up with him. He denied taking the candy. But the odor of chocolate was strong on his breath.

The police took him back to the store where the employees identified him.


Excuses for Speeding
Kitsap County , Washington, had begun to crack down on speeding motorists. Here's a list of some answers they received when they asked the drivers why they were speeding:

My gas petal got stuck.


Don't I get a couple miles per hour over when I'm taking my grandchildren to the airport?


I didn't know I was speeding because my lights were off.


My speedometer is broken.


I had a bee in my car.


I've been drinking and I wanted to get off the road quickly.


I am driving my friend to the hospital. He has alcohol poisoning. (The driver was also found to be intoxicated.)


(After crashing) I put high test gas in my car and it caused me to lose control. (He was also found to be intoxicated.)


I'm trying to catch that UFO. Will you try to catch it for me?


I get 10 extra miles per hour in the fast lane.


I'm wearing shoes that are really heavy and they make the gas petal go down more.


My doctor gave me the wrong medication.


I'm headed to a divorce proceeding and if you met her, sir, you would understand why I'm in a hurry.


I just got my license back after having it suspended and I'm not used to driving.


Use Your Own Cell Phone
A man called the police from a cell phone he had stolen from a woman in a pool hall 90 minutes earlier. He said he had been jumped. But, in fact, he was just intoxicated and wanted a ride home. The woman identified him as the robber.



Sloppy Casing of the Joint
A man cased a bank in Boston for several days before he went in to rob it. When he reached the teller, he pulled out a gun and said in a loud voice, "This is a stick up. Nobody move!" He should have cased the joint a little better because two doors down from the bank was an FBI Field Office. Five FBI agents were in line on their lunch hour waiting to cash their checks.



Watch Those Metal Detectors
A man went to see his probation officer to check in and pay some fines. As he emptied his pockets before going through the metal detector, out came two bags of marijuana. He was arrested and sent back to jail.



Drug Deal Gone Bad
Using illegal drugs must really fry your brain, as the public service announcements show. A man called the police to report that he had just been robbed. As he was attempting to deliver drugs to two women in his car, a third person came to the window and robbed him. So, naturally, he called the police. All four of them were arrested.



Bail Money
A man was charged with driving with a suspended license. When he went to post bail, he was arrested again because he tried to pay with a counterfeit $50 bill.



Candy Thieves
Four people robbed a candy store in downtown Cincinnati. The police had no trouble finding them. All they had to do was follow the trail of candy wrappers.


How Not To Rob a Bank
She thought I would be easy. After filling out an application for a new account, she handed it to the teller, then pulled out a gun and demanded money. Only problem is, she left the application behind with her name and address on it. She was arrested with out incident less than an hour later.



Wrong Bank
A man went into a Wells Fargo bank and planned to rob it. He got a deposit slip and wrote on it: "This iz a stikup. Put all the munny in this bag." Then he stood in line. But he got nervous thinking that someone might have seen him write the note. So he left the bank and crossed the street to the Bank of America. He waited in line, then handed the note to the teller. After reading the note, the teller determined that the man was not very bright. So he told him he could not accept the stickup note because it was written on a Wells Fargo deposit slip. He would either have to fill out a Bank of America deposit slip or go back to the Wells Fargo. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and returned to the Wells Fargo where he was arrested while standing in line.



What Was He Thinking?
A guy walked up to the teller and handed him a note demanding money. Only problem was that he wrote the note on a deposit slip from his wife's bank account.



Underage Drinking
A man walked into a convenience store with a gun and demanded that the cashier put all the money from the register into a bag. The teller did. Then the man saw a bottle of Scotch behind the counter and told the cashier to give it to him. The cashier refused and said she did not believe he was over 21. The man insisted that he was. The cashier held her ground. Finally, the man took out his driver's license and showed it to her. The cashier looked it over carefully and sure enough, he was over 21. She gave him the Scotch and the man left. Two hours later he was arrested after she called the police with his name and address.



Joy Ride
Some employees of an airplane manufacturing company decided to have some fun. They stole a life raft from the plane they were working on. They successfully got it out and took it home without getting caught. Later they took it for a ride down the river. But soon they saw a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turns out that the helicopter was homing in on the emergency lighting locator beacon that had activated when they inflated the raft.