Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
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Sanctuary for the Abused
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2012/01/narcissists-cause-ptsd-for-their.html
Narcissists & Psychopaths Cause PTSD for their Victims
by Tim Field
How do the PTSD symptoms resulting from a Narcissist or Psychopath's abuse and bullying meet the criteria in DSM-IV?
A. The prolonged (chronic) negative stress resulting from dealing with a narcissist or psychopath has lead to threat of loss of job, career, health, livelihood, often also resulting in threat to marriage and family life. The family are the unseen victims.
A.1.One of the key symptoms of prolonged negative stress is reactive depression; this causes the balance of the mind to be disturbed, leading first to thoughts of, then attempts at, and ultimately, suicide.
A.2.The target of the narcissist or psychopath may be unaware that they are being exploited, and even when they do realize (there's usually a moment of enlightenment as the person realizes that the criticisms and tactics of control, etc are invalid) - victims often cannot bring themselves to believe they are dealing with a disordered personality who lacks a conscience and does not share the same moral values as themselves.
Naivety is the great enemy. The target is bewildered, confused, frightened, angry - and after enlightenment, very angry.
B.1. The target experiences regular intrusive violent visualizations and replays of events and conversations; often, the endings of these replays are altered in favour of the target.
B.2. Sleeplessness, nightmares and replays are a common feature.
B.3. The events are constantly relived; night-time and sleep do not bring relief as it becomes impossible to switch the brain off. Such sleep as is achieved is non-restorative and people wake up as tired, and often more tired, than when they went to bed.
B.4. Fear, horror, chronic anxiety, and panic attacks are triggered by any reminder of the experience, e.g.receiving threatening letters or email from the narcissist or psychopath or their friends, their family or attorneys. Additionally postings on online boards or sites about the victim by the abuser (often to try to make the victim look like the abusive one!) can add to these triggers and health related issues tremendously.]
B.5. Panic attacks, palpitations, sweating, trembling, vomitting, binge eating or forgetting to eat, ditto.
Criteria B4 and B5 manifest themselves as immediate physical and mental paralysis in response to any reminder of the narcissist or prospect being forced to take action against the narcissist.
C. Physical numbness (toes, fingertips, lips) is common, as is emotional numbness (especially inability to feel joy). Sufferers report that their spark has gone out and, even years later, find they just cannot get motivated about anything.
C.1. The target tries harder and harder to avoid saying or doing anything which reminds them of the horror of the exploitation.
C.2. Almost all Victims report impaired memory; this may be partly due to suppressing horrific memories, and partly due to damage to the hippocampus, an area of the brain linked to learning and memory.
C.3. the person becomes obsessed with resolving the experience which takes over their life, eclipsing and excluding almost every other interest.
C.4. Feelings of withdrawal and isolation are common; the person just wants to be on their own and solitude is sought.
C.5. Emotional numbness, including inability to feel joy (anhedonia) and deadening of loving feelings towards others are commonly reported. One fears never being able to feel love again.
C.6. The target becomes very gloomy and senses a foreshortened career - usually with justification. Many targets ultimately have severe psychiatric injury, severely impaired health.
D.1. Sleep becomes almost impossible, despite the constant fatigue; such sleep as is obtained tends to be unsatisfying, unrefreshing and non-restorative. On waking, the person often feels more tired than when they went to bed. Depressive feelings are worst early in the morning. Feelings of vulnerability may be heightened overnight.
D.2. The person has an extremely short fuse and is often permanently irritated, especially by small insignificant events. The person frequently visualises a violent solution, e.g. arranging an accident for, or murdering the narcissist; the resultant feelings of guilt tend to hinder progress in recovery.
D.3. Concentration is impaired to the point of precluding preparation for legal action, study, work, or search for work.
D.4. The person is on constant alert because their fight or flight mechanism has become permanently activated.
D.5. The person has become hypersensitized and now unwittingly and inappropriately perceives almost any remark as critical.
E. Recovery from a narcissist experience is measured in years. Some people never fully recover. Long term and repeated damage by disordered persons become C-PTSD.
F. For many, social life ceases and work becomes impossible. Many develop autoimmune diseases such as lupus, fibromyalgia, chronic pain or adrenal fatigue and even become totally disabled.
THERAPY can and does help. But it takes a lot of time and work. The longer you wait to get help & treatment, the deeper the damage and the more difficult to heal or manage. Hang in there!
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2012/01/narcissists-cause-ptsd-for-their.html
Narcissists & Psychopaths Cause PTSD for their Victims
by Tim Field
How do the PTSD symptoms resulting from a Narcissist or Psychopath's abuse and bullying meet the criteria in DSM-IV?
A. The prolonged (chronic) negative stress resulting from dealing with a narcissist or psychopath has lead to threat of loss of job, career, health, livelihood, often also resulting in threat to marriage and family life. The family are the unseen victims.
A.1.One of the key symptoms of prolonged negative stress is reactive depression; this causes the balance of the mind to be disturbed, leading first to thoughts of, then attempts at, and ultimately, suicide.
A.2.The target of the narcissist or psychopath may be unaware that they are being exploited, and even when they do realize (there's usually a moment of enlightenment as the person realizes that the criticisms and tactics of control, etc are invalid) - victims often cannot bring themselves to believe they are dealing with a disordered personality who lacks a conscience and does not share the same moral values as themselves.
Naivety is the great enemy. The target is bewildered, confused, frightened, angry - and after enlightenment, very angry.
B.1. The target experiences regular intrusive violent visualizations and replays of events and conversations; often, the endings of these replays are altered in favour of the target.
B.2. Sleeplessness, nightmares and replays are a common feature.
B.3. The events are constantly relived; night-time and sleep do not bring relief as it becomes impossible to switch the brain off. Such sleep as is achieved is non-restorative and people wake up as tired, and often more tired, than when they went to bed.
B.4. Fear, horror, chronic anxiety, and panic attacks are triggered by any reminder of the experience, e.g.receiving threatening letters or email from the narcissist or psychopath or their friends, their family or attorneys. Additionally postings on online boards or sites about the victim by the abuser (often to try to make the victim look like the abusive one!) can add to these triggers and health related issues tremendously.]
B.5. Panic attacks, palpitations, sweating, trembling, vomitting, binge eating or forgetting to eat, ditto.
Criteria B4 and B5 manifest themselves as immediate physical and mental paralysis in response to any reminder of the narcissist or prospect being forced to take action against the narcissist.
C. Physical numbness (toes, fingertips, lips) is common, as is emotional numbness (especially inability to feel joy). Sufferers report that their spark has gone out and, even years later, find they just cannot get motivated about anything.
C.1. The target tries harder and harder to avoid saying or doing anything which reminds them of the horror of the exploitation.
C.2. Almost all Victims report impaired memory; this may be partly due to suppressing horrific memories, and partly due to damage to the hippocampus, an area of the brain linked to learning and memory.
C.3. the person becomes obsessed with resolving the experience which takes over their life, eclipsing and excluding almost every other interest.
C.4. Feelings of withdrawal and isolation are common; the person just wants to be on their own and solitude is sought.
C.5. Emotional numbness, including inability to feel joy (anhedonia) and deadening of loving feelings towards others are commonly reported. One fears never being able to feel love again.
C.6. The target becomes very gloomy and senses a foreshortened career - usually with justification. Many targets ultimately have severe psychiatric injury, severely impaired health.
D.1. Sleep becomes almost impossible, despite the constant fatigue; such sleep as is obtained tends to be unsatisfying, unrefreshing and non-restorative. On waking, the person often feels more tired than when they went to bed. Depressive feelings are worst early in the morning. Feelings of vulnerability may be heightened overnight.
D.2. The person has an extremely short fuse and is often permanently irritated, especially by small insignificant events. The person frequently visualises a violent solution, e.g. arranging an accident for, or murdering the narcissist; the resultant feelings of guilt tend to hinder progress in recovery.
D.3. Concentration is impaired to the point of precluding preparation for legal action, study, work, or search for work.
D.4. The person is on constant alert because their fight or flight mechanism has become permanently activated.
D.5. The person has become hypersensitized and now unwittingly and inappropriately perceives almost any remark as critical.
E. Recovery from a narcissist experience is measured in years. Some people never fully recover. Long term and repeated damage by disordered persons become C-PTSD.
F. For many, social life ceases and work becomes impossible. Many develop autoimmune diseases such as lupus, fibromyalgia, chronic pain or adrenal fatigue and even become totally disabled.
THERAPY can and does help. But it takes a lot of time and work. The longer you wait to get help & treatment, the deeper the damage and the more difficult to heal or manage. Hang in there!
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My work life has suffered drastically. I am now on full time medical telework due to my PTSD because I can't handle going into the building anymore. I can't remember ANYTHING and have to write step by step instructions for tasks I've done for years because I can no longer remember how. Before telework, I was missing a lot of work because I just could not get myself out of bed to go in. Or I'd leave early because my anxiety was too high.
I am at higher risk than avg for auto immune diseases and have tested positive for Mixed Connective Tissue Disease, a rare disease which is the combination of RA, Lupus, and MS. Was tested twice with the same result which is right on the border, just to the positive side, but not high enough to really say I have the disease yet.
I have major sleep problems now. I was diagnosed with Hypersomnia almost a year ago. I used to fall asleep right away and sleep a long time with rarely any problems. But was still tired all day and sometimes have "sleep attacks" which is a symptom of narcolepsy (which they ruled out) where I get extremely tired and can barely stay awake, even though I got a good night's rest. Now, since my dog (who was my entire world and the only reason I survived all this hell) died 2 months ago, I can't sleep at all. All I do is cry all day and night. I was prescribed Ativan to calm me down enough to sleep at night. It still takes me a long time to fall asleep, even with the meds.
I have EXTREME memory problems. Forgetting how to do regular work tasks, as mentioned, forgetting people who know me and know all about my life. I have no idea who they are. They don't even look familiar. I've seen long chat sessions in my facebook history where I was apparently talking to someone on a regular basis over several months, just a year or so ago. I have no recollection of it or of that person. This has happened repeatedly. I forget what I did with things. The other day I searched my entire house up and down for my space heater. Apparently it broke and I threw it away a few months ago. I have no recollection of that. I also buy things that I've just recently bought, thinking I need it, only to find the other one I just bought still sitting in the bag, brand new at home. I've started cooking before and left the house, forgetting about the food on the stove, minutes after I put it there. I came home a half hour later to find my entire house filled with smoke and the smoke alarms all going off. I still had no idea why. I searched the house trying to find the cause and didn't remember the food until I walked in the kitchen and saw it. My memory literally scares me now because of stuff like this.
I now just cry day and night. I know I can't fix the damage all these sexual predator psychopaths have done to me. I beg for death, literally, every night. I don't look forward to anything. I know there's nothing that can happen to make me feel better at this point. There's nothing I want. Except for it all to end so I can finally be at peace.
I am so sorry to hear you were traumatized by another psychopath after five years of recovery.
This happened to me, too--re-victimization after ten years.
I was diagnosed with PTSD after the first.victimization which was a 30-year marriage to a psychopath. However, long before that diagnosis was made, and long before I knew my husband was a psychopath, I was diagnosed with Chronic Epstein-Barr Virus Disease, then Chronic Viral Syndrome, then Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and then Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (CFIDS) and Fibromyalgia. This syndrome, which is still poorly understood, and lacking a decent name, is exactly like what you describe above. I have been disabled with it since 1984. I married my husband in 1972, I left him in 2001. It is actually a derangement of the endocrine (hormonal) system and nervous system. I forget the neurobiology, but you cannot sleep because your body no longer produces the "go to sleep hormones." There may be a variety of things that can cause this disorder, including a bite from a Lyme's-carrying tick, but I believe that PTSD can cause this syndrome as well. In my case, it may have been a combination of the two, as I lived in the primary Lyme's area, at the time of the onset of my illness.
The mainstream medical world has little to offer for this illness, but a homeopath or integrative medicine doctor can offer some supportive natural treatment. You can also research these things on the Internet, and try some natural OTC remedies yourself. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is now an accepted diagnosis for Social Security disability. Getting approved is no piece of cake, but I did after many years of trying and failing. If you seek a diagnosis for this disorder, you will likely have to find an integrative medicine doctor, or one who leans that way. National organizations for these disorders maintain lists of doctors in each state who may be able to diagnose you.
I wish you all the best. You will get better, again. You are doing an amazing job of holding your life together in a nearly-impossible situation.
Many people suggest that shopping for a therapist is like shoe-shopping. The first choice may not be a fit for you. You do not have to return if you feel the guidance is not helpful. I hate to say this but when I was married to a psychopath, I saw some downright destructive marriage counselors (therapists) who believed the psychopath's version of the marriage.To be fair, this was more common a few decades ago, when psychopathy was barely within the working vocabulary of therapists or laypeople.I would suggest that you shop only among therapists who have a stated understanding of psychopathy and also of child psychology.
I hit the jackpot this time around. About a year ago, I saw a therapist who lists couples counseling among his specialties. I decided to see with the possibility of seeing him with my then-boyfriend, eventually. At the end of my first hour, the therapist said to me, "So you are living with a sociopath..."
I am rooting for you to get through this.
A little over a year ago, I came to this board and stumbled around to different groups - seeking knowledge, and I had someone tell me that my husband sounded like her exhusband. Indeed, they are a lot alike. Narcissistic sex addicts, pathological liars, and serial cheaters. At first, I didn't want to think it was all that bad. But as I became more educated, I realized it was even worse than I wanted to admit.
I have SO many symptoms listed in this post. Lousey immune system, chronic conditions, sleep problems, terrible memory (which is so opposite what I was before I met narc H). And worst of all, last year I was contemplating suicide. I had totally lost my sparkle..... dulled beyond recognition. I could not find my joy. Felt hopeless, disgusted with myself for becoming such a worthless individual. The works... I also found out my NH's first wife had committed suicide. He is a wounded man who wounds and destroys all who are around him.
After working hard to understand and truly comprehend what my life has become, and why I am this damaged, I am starting to get a little shine back to my sparkle. It's been a slow process. I try to stay busy and remind myself daily of my blessings. I've been to a therapist a few times - which has helped. I'm trying to focus on healing, both physically and emotionally.
At this juncture, I fear I am too broken. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust again.
I can completely relate to that statement. The phrase, "Ignorance Is Bliss" could not be more true. The slow process of truly realizing how bad it really has been made it all so much worse for e. At times I'd like to go back to being ignorant and thinking my life wasn't that much worse than average. Knowing and realizing how serious this has all been makes it so hard to cope with. Now I just feel so hopeless.
Agent Smith, I'm glad to see you back on here. I've been worried about you, and sorry for your hard times. I haven't been on that much lately either for other reasons.
I really resonate with this thread. I second Kris's observation (and your own) about what you are experiencing being similar to CFS and fibro. I have had PTSD, fibromyalgia (fibro), CFS/ME/CFIDS, and complex PTSD. They all feel slightly different. What you describe sounds much like CFS. To heal, I traced all the symptoms of CFS back to long-term or severe stress. In other words, I believe that I can explain all the CFS problems in these terms based on scientific research. This is not the accepted explanation, though, as nobody really knows or agrees what causes CFS, FYI. You probably would find it helpful to google CFS and start learning what you can do to recover. (If you want to contact me privately via the email in this site, I can suggest some places to start looking and maybe things to look into with your medical providers, as I am not medically trained.) In short, though, I think that most of us with CFS and PTSD can be helped by stress reduction and management techniques, hormonal balancing, and proper nutrition. These should lead to better sleep and less daytime fatigue instead.
I just today suggested two specific things in the following thread, cortisol (hydrocortisone) and bio-identical testosterone hormone replacement therapy (HRT). These are the top two things I felt helped both my PTSD and my CFS. See the link here for more info (so I don't have to write it again).
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/victims-of-psychopaths-sociopaths/discussions/messages/17325149
I also have surprising memory "holes". I have forgotten significant chunks of time, but when prompted, then remember them. I think of it like swiss cheese as most of the time my memory is fine, but then there is a whopper of a hole. But with CFS, and in the more panicky early stages of C-PTSD, I could not remember anything for more than about a second. I had to constantly write "to do" lists whenever I got info in order to remember to do it. Changing the rest does make this get better.
Oh, and Agent Smith, contact me (via the site messaging/email/whatever it is called) if you want some info on immune strategies. For example, I used a simple supplement that retrained and rebalanced my immune system in ways that might help your bordering autoimmune conditions. I also know of some other immune strategies that might help. Same for other people dealing with CFS on this board. Remember, though, I am not a trained health professional, but someone who figured out how to heal myself from CFS.
Both PTSD and CFS really hit the stress system, and so we have to wait for that system to calm down and rebuild itself. Then, we recover. With CFS, this also requires doing other things as well, as things have basically gone too far in many cases with CFS.
1. Your life was at risk (you thought you would die)
2. You were unable to escape
3. As above you couldn't flight or fight
4. The terror was so bad..... that you thought this is it.... its a terror that is above and beyond anything
It can happen with lots of different things (I worked with someone whose house burned to the ground, an abusive relationship where he threatened to kill her,, then she found him hanging in the garden) _ and lots more....
Its horrific graphic stuff... which I appreciate that a psycho can cause..... esp when you are trapped and in fear of your life....
If it isn't that. It might be anxiety - it might be trauma - but I wonder if it is PTSD. In UK - there is a lack of understanding of PTSD. I am currently in a legal case - where damages towards me are because of PTSD which defence are trying to deny.
In my case - 10 year phobia of vaginal examination - full term stillbirth - being forced into induction and repeated vaginal examination over a 3 day period. I thought I would die - was terrifed - then another 3 days holding a full term dead child bleeding from every orifice -
That took my life for 3 years - I was left totally traumatised. I was posting here - but I had no idea (and nobody else did either) that i had no concept of the outside world -- an extreme foresensed view of the future (now 3 years and 8 months later - only couple of weeks ahead) - an inability to take in new information but long term information is fine. (before the trauma happened) - leaving you with the unrealistic view that you are better than you actually are. often insomnia - nightmares - later comes agraphobia - loss of networks family friends (you have changed so much) - feeling numb. Lack of emotional connection (you don't experience empathy) there is none -
Severe PTSD has more in common with Sociopathy than people realise..... There is a lot of connections....
In terms of - is it a normal reaction to have PTSD no.... I dont think it is PTSD unless you have been in a situation where your life was at risk and you couldn't escape (this can include physical and sexual abuse).
This relationship is not good... and the sociopath will destroy you. But - -- please also plan your escape safely - the time when you go to leave is the time when you are most at risk and most in danger - sociopaths hate to lose control.