Yes that happened to me.l started taking lots of showers around him..l slept

I had no sexual feelings at all for 10 years after leaving my P husband over 12 years ago. I did not want to have any as he had made feel so dirty and dissociated during sex. I wanted to heal and feel clean again.

I did not feel any sexual detachment from the recent man while I was still with him. But as soon as I left (a month ago) I went into hibernation again. Sex, for me, has to do with my feelings for a man. If that isn't there, I have no interest.

I think it is good and healing to give it a break. It is going to make some connection to him and just make you feel bad.

I have become a plant! No interest, blah. That better get better!

it is just a reaction to the stress and depression. sounds like a normal reaction considering whats happened.

I've been through this kind of sexual disinterest. I also believe it's a normal response to bad experiences. When you feel secure and you've done some healing, I think your sexuality will return.

Try not to worry about it.

Yes, this is very normal. During my relationship with my N/P then-H, as things started to really sour, I read more and more romance novels, I think to get some emotion and romance in my life, where it was missing in our relationship. Then, the sex died, due to lack of interest on his part (which happens with some N/Ps after a while, they get bored maybe, or they are really more asexual) and due to my not wanting to be with him. I wasn't feeling the love.

After our relationship exploded and I got divorced, I completely lost interest in anything romantic or sexual. I stopped reading romance novels cold, seeing them as sappy and naive, due to the abuses by my N/P ex. I also lost interest in sex, or men, or dating. Just was not a goal. I wanted to hibernate and focus on me and understanding and healing. I did not want to deal with other people's needs or make compromises with them, due to the overcontrolling of my N/P ex. So dating, romance, sex were out of the picture for me entirely during this time (about 10 years, 6 before I filed for divorce (we shared kids), and almost 3 years after). I really wondered if I would ever be interested in men in a romantic/sexual way again.

I agree with bella that this is a chemical/hormonal reaction to the stress, depression, sadness, and loss; also changes in the brain and stress system due to PTSD. These all affect arousal and desire, as well as sexual performance. Plus there are so many triggers which make us worry, and we are extra jumpy about them. So, it is easy for your average guy to unknowingly scare you off or turn you off.

Well, now I am finding myself (much to my surprise) entering into a relationship with someone who is strong and caring, a non. And, happy to say the interest in romance and sex has returned full force! It does come back when you're ready and the time and the person is right. FYI.

If anything triggers old bad memories or worries, I evaluate it to see whether this is telling me something, or whether this is an old ingrained reaction to things in the past that does not apply now. This helps me separate past from present.

escapefor1,

This is absolutely true. When you feel love and safety again, all of that sexual energy returns full force. I don't understand people worrying about their sexuality. So what if it never comes back? Then you live a celibate life. I never felt the least bit concerned about that during my 10-year celibacy. I think the worry has to do with the sex-oriented culture we live in. We are kind of brainwashed into believing sex is a goal in and of itself. For me, at least, it isn't. Its a wonderful part of love.

Kris,

Absolutely right. I was perfectly prepared to live alone for the rest of my life, though after feeling better physically, I led a rich fantasy life by myself.

I should have mentioned one other very relevant thing on this topic for some people. For those with the most damage and/or the highest stress sensitivity (including probably HSPs), you may also need to supplement with bio-identical testosterone. Due to all my high chronic stress over 25 years, I lost the ability to produce testosterone. (Yes, women do make testosterone, and a certain level is needed to be able to be interested in and perform sex.) The cortisol produced in response to stress is preferred as much as 20x over happier neurotransmitters in receptors in the brain. When cortisol occupies a receptor (think key in a lock) it is occupied by cortisol and other things such as happier and calmer - inducing hormones and neurotransmitters can't get in to activate certain functions in the brain. (See product descriptions of the supplement b'CALM'd for more on this.) After a while, testosterone is no longer generated, or is made at much lower levels (the latter more likely for men, and a major cause of ED).

When stress recedes and peoples' bodies recover, they may or may not recover their ability to generate testosterone naturally. My loss of testosterone production was basically total, and documented multiple times medically. I have supplemented testosterone (HRT) for about 12 years now, at levels well above the minimum sexual threshold, but below the maximum in the true normal range. This is not the same as taking anabolic steroids because that usually is at levels far above the norm. My production did not return naturally, even though I tried going off it a few times to see. So, now I'm on that for life. But, I get much more life with appropriate testosterone, which affects many things in the body, including clear thinking, drive to do anything, muscle aches and pains, heart palpitations, and yes, sex.

It is super important to get bio-identical testosterone in my opinion. Check the medication name and google the chemical formula to see if it is exactly the same as what's in the human body. Some doctor friends of mine did not know the difference until I showed them, but more and more MDs are getting trained in this. I had synthetic weekly shots and I had bio-identical, and they felt very different in the body. As a woman, I got masculine qualities from the synthetic (also because the shot induces a roller coaster up and down in levels), whereas I did not get that from the bio-identical form (with which levels are more constant).

So, without testosterone HRT, I would not have gotten back my sex drive and ability. Some of us victims/survivors of Ns and Ps may need this help too, both men and women. (And no, the little blue pill may not work if your testosterone level is too low to begin with.)

And hey, nobody is saying you have to find another partner to have a satisfying sex life. Sexual healing is a true thing, helps the body heal too. And we need more pleasure in our lives after what we've been through. You deserve it!