Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
My "S" is a woman and she is like a man when it comes to sex. Not a loving & caring man, mind you, but a player. And she can go months & months without sex, but then when she feels the need for sex it's not a need she is looking to be satisfied by the loving & caring man who gives her everything she needs for her & her children, but rather 3:00 AM sex with the meanest bad-ass she can find...a dangerous character...bad boy.
Just wondering, has any one else noticed this about their "S"? I am sure it applies to the male Sociopaths out there too. That they are not looking for loving & caring sex (except to manipulate someone), but their real desire is for sex with some dangerous liason, somone who is not a loving & caring person, but more animalistic and even abusive, like themselves.
I assume most of us here got hurt partly because of the strong emotional bond we feel when we have sex with someone, and of course our "S" feels none of that.
Saw an interesting post on LoveFraud about sex and the female Sociopath:
"....men experience bonding just like normal women-especially when the sex is good. The sex with a female sociopath (I’m told) isn’t just good, it’s better than most mortal men have ever hoped for. Once hooked on the female sociopath, men become victims just as much as the women who become hooked on the male sociopath. Many male victims feel ashamed and emasculated. But, take heart guys, she actually preyed on the more masculine side of your nature, your enjoyment of sex! Why are successful female sociopaths so sexual and so sexually appealing? Science does have some answers for us here. Testosterone which is elevated in many male sociopaths is also elevated in female sociopaths. Studies of non-disordered women indicate that higher testosterone levels are associated with increased sex drive, increased sexual activity and YES sexual attractiveness to men! High testosterone makes both male and female sociopaths sexually appealing. Testosterone may also be related to the lack of parenting behavior seen in sociopathic women. Women with higher testosterone have been found to be less interested in motherhood."
Just wondering, has any one else noticed this about their "S"? I am sure it applies to the male Sociopaths out there too. That they are not looking for loving & caring sex (except to manipulate someone), but their real desire is for sex with some dangerous liason, somone who is not a loving & caring person, but more animalistic and even abusive, like themselves.
I assume most of us here got hurt partly because of the strong emotional bond we feel when we have sex with someone, and of course our "S" feels none of that.
Saw an interesting post on LoveFraud about sex and the female Sociopath:
"....men experience bonding just like normal women-especially when the sex is good. The sex with a female sociopath (I’m told) isn’t just good, it’s better than most mortal men have ever hoped for. Once hooked on the female sociopath, men become victims just as much as the women who become hooked on the male sociopath. Many male victims feel ashamed and emasculated. But, take heart guys, she actually preyed on the more masculine side of your nature, your enjoyment of sex! Why are successful female sociopaths so sexual and so sexually appealing? Science does have some answers for us here. Testosterone which is elevated in many male sociopaths is also elevated in female sociopaths. Studies of non-disordered women indicate that higher testosterone levels are associated with increased sex drive, increased sexual activity and YES sexual attractiveness to men! High testosterone makes both male and female sociopaths sexually appealing. Testosterone may also be related to the lack of parenting behavior seen in sociopathic women. Women with higher testosterone have been found to be less interested in motherhood."
I don’t think their sex drive is necessarily stronger. I think that S's might be more willing because they have no boundaries. They are not afraid to unleash. I think most of us have fantasies, but we have moral obligations and a conscience. I have a very high sex drive and I’m not an S! I just couldn’t imagine juggling lots of guys. I would be too paranoid that I might catch something. Plus sex seems like the only thing that may actually make them happy. There are no other outlets for them. Very sad. There is way more to life than sex.
Gosh it scares me though. I hope when I find the man of my dreams some S woman doesn’t come along and seduces my man...that would suck.
I am new to this group. My ex wife leterally fits the bill here. Details are in my journal.
Now she is visiting her latest "bad Boy" in prison where he is serving a life sentence. I would say that they deserve each other.
Mick
The only complaint I had is that it did seem that he had only 1 speed and also that it escalated to what seemed like an acrobatics routine early on in the relationship and that remained constant throughout. It seemed to always be the same theatrics peppered with words that were supposed to emotionally connect us. At the time, they did.
I can say this. Even though there were no real problems with us in regard to the matter that I felt, he had primed me in a way by pensively telling me about the problems in his previous relationship...frequency problems, communication problems w/ regard to sex, and the need for "prescription" on his end. :) At the time, I thought those things were real problems for him with his past relationship and that we were just more compatible.
After all is said and done, the last time we were together he mentioned, out of the blue recording us together (didn't happen) about a week after discard he had a one night stand, and shortly after that returned to another victim (the one he incessantly complained about and compared me to), shortly after that he replaced that victim with yet another literally overnight. He absolutely can't be alone. Other victim complained that his is highly sexual. Exposed his children to porn accidently.
My take - he actually has sex with himself! Also, I think the video was him trying to get a keepsake before discard. Yuck!!!!
That being said, I don't know the truth of anything else with this man. But I'll tell you what he had "told" me about his sexual relations before me - we can choose to believe the liar or not. He said that he had barely ever slept with his wife when they were married and that he knew what day his first child was conceived because that was the only time they had sex that year. Of course, we now know he was still married to her all along - so God knows if that was true. Of his other long term girlfriend, she didn't like sex very much either. Which of course is why he and I had quite a lot of sex - that and the fact that he made me believe it was the reason behind his hair growing back in toward the end of cancer treatments.
Right before discard, when I saw the mask slip he made some snide comment about "yeah right soinso didn't like sex" - so basically. I think he lied about all that too.
That and I saw an email from him to some other woman in the middle of our relationship where he says he "loves and misses her". When confronted, he said she was just a friend. Now I realize that sex is an issue for these people - I believe he was probably cheating on me while I was working. He had a car, my debit card, and all day to himself. He could have been doing God knows what. (Yes, got tested for STD's in March - and I'm clean after all that Thank God).
My socio ex had numerous partners, before, during and after, the sex was actually exciting in the beginning, fun, wild and kinky...then after a while he used sex for control, and as time progressed it got much rougher, yet mechanical.
At this point looking at his other "partners" the creep will stick it in anything that moves, he doesnt care, and I have a really strong hunch he doesnt care if its male or female...
ok, I feel like I need to shower with bleach after thinking about this...to reiterate my compadres sentiment here YUCK!!!
My ex has the Madonna/Whore complex going on, and he has a teen porn addiction. Loves masturbating and sex wasn't emotional what-so-ever, just us getting off and thanking each other afterwards. Not love making at all. He would wear a mask to me, preaching about whores and cheating, yet given the chance, he'd screw anything that gave him 2 looks. He used to accuse me all the time about wanting other guys, even strangers, if I looked at a guy, was jealous of my guy friend relationships - only because he has screwed his friend's wives and girlfriends (even his cousins girlfriend of 7 years they had a 3some), he is a sexual deviant and I have been wondering a lot lately if this side of him is getting worse with his age too, since I saw a picture of his face beside a woman's vagina that he was shoving a beer bottle up. So it is taking him more and more to get off. Wondering if that is how child molesters and rapists start their journey towards criminalization in those aspects.
He did tell me that when men and women meet, they both automatically think about what it would be like to have sex with each other (which I don't do that). I wonder if that is my ex-S's mental illness or if he really is that dumb. Face it, every mammal has sex and imo that is the only thing stupid people can do, the only characteristic they have, is sex.
My ex once said to me in the middle of a romantic stroll around Roosevelt Island - "Let's talk about sex as if we're BOTH guys. What do you REALLY want that you would only say to your friends?".
Needless to say, I was taken aback by the sudden change of direction in conversation but did have a talk with her about it.
Without getting too graphic or tactless, I soon felt like I was in a hardcore porno movie with her extreme behaviour. I remember thinking that I wanted to make love with her, not just perform in some kind of sexual olympics!
After a month, and out of the blue, one day she told me her father just suffered a massive heart attack and needed open heart surgery. She also said she was the only person who could help him pay for this! She told me she knew of a "club" in the Dominican Republic (where she was born) where she could make $1,000 a night! I was floored by all of this but told her that I could not be with someone who worked in that kind of a place (fearing the worst, I imagined it being more than just a strip joint), and that I wished her well. I told her to go and save her father's life but I was unable to be the guy waiting back here in the states for her return. Thank God I had the strength/nerve/self-preservation to say and do this.
A few weeks later, after she disappeared and blocked my number from her phone, I, being somewhat ____ (go ahead, fill in the blank! I know, I know...), started doing a search for her on the internet. I pulled up her middle name plus a nickname combined and there she was - on backpage.com in the escort section working out of a hotel room in Stanford, Conn.
In retrospect (and with the help of my therapist) it seems that I was just a "mark", and that the story of her father's heart attack was probably a play for money from me.
Prior to all of this, she was my dream girl. What I have always wanted and wished for. I told friends I planned to marry her next summer on the beach if the relationship continued as well as it had been. She was attentive, loving, nurturing, and supportive.
Now I know why.
I've been in alot of pain over the past two months but I am just starting to understand it all. Just as a cat plays with an injured mouse before it eats it, "Christi" did the same to me.
But I'm living my life and she is working out of a hotel room as a prostitute.
So, although she hurt me and made me feel like a fool, my friends constantly remind me how lucky I am to have only had this person in my life for a short time! God only knows the damage she would've done had we stayed together longer.
Best of luck to all of you on your road to healing.