Dont know what im supose to do anymore. I just feel like no mater how positive I try to stay, I still feel like im a mess of pieces, scatered all over. Never to be put back together again. I had 2 children, and thought my whole world wa so perfect. Then all of a sudden My first born is yanked away from me in the most horrific way. now only three years later my last and only one left is all grown up and getting set for college. Not to mention that my hubby tryed to off himself, and layed a huge load of secret crap on me. That makes me feel like i have been so nieve and insugnificant for near 20 years now, and didnt even know it. I love him from the depth of my heart, and would be nothing without him. But as i look back over the years, I feel like he knew how much I loved and needed him, so he has taken that love for granted sooo many time cus he just knew I wouldnt leave him. I wouldn't have and still wont, but it just seems so unfair for him to take that for granted. I know he loves me and we have talked about this alot. The thing is its like he knew I had patients and love to no end for him. Therefor he used me to get away with as much as he could cus he never got away with anything as a kid. It was just something he had to be succsesful at. so I guess everything I have for him and have shown made him feel that now he could take his oppertunitys and get it out of his system no fowl no harm.Unwilling to admit he new it would harm my heart soooo much. We will make it but im so broken through and through. Ive had too much. first my dad then my granny then his dad then our son then his confessions I just cant take no more. im like a puzzle scattered all over the house. there will always be pieces missing,and how incomplete that leaves a wonderful photo on the face of a puzzle.!