lola86

I'm new & TTC after 2m/c's

Posted on 09/07/09, 08:42 pm

Hello i'm new to the wesite and thought i would share my story i am 23 have been married for 2 years i have no children but my husband has a 12yr old son which has some difficulties and resentments im sorry to say. we've been trying since we got married and i finally got pregnant then 10 weeks later on dec 16th i miscarried naturally everyone told me that it was very common and all women go through it at least once which didn't make it any less heartbreaking but it made it easier to start trying again. I found out i was pregnant again while getting my appendicis out due to appendicitis i was 5 weeks and prayed to god everyday for my baby, we were so excited started thinking about names and started saving for a pram, i was even showing! then at the end of April at 13 weeks i had an ultrasound b4 my appointment due to some bleeding and found out there was a baby sack but no baby it had died before it was big enough to show up on the screen we were devestated I had a D&C which was the worst experience of my life. my family was amazing but my in-laws were unsympathetic it was almost as if i had a cold i had to get over, my mother in-law picked a fight with me 2 days after the op and blamed me for my m/c's while my husband stood there like an idiot letting his mother go on and on i walked out distressed and disgusted at the whole conversation i have yet to recieve an apology and i heven't spoken to her since. the wknd after my husband took me to a dinner with his pregnant friend who shoved 3-d scan pictures in my face and another was showing me her 6month old my hubby yet to do anything sat and watched i left after the main course without my husband dramatic i know but i couldn't belive my OH, it wasn't the women's fault they didn't know. i moved back home with my mum i needed space and time and really i just needed my mum i know this sounds babyish but i was on the verge of doing something dangerous. so after a full summer of figuring myself and my marriage out we have began trying again but it has 4 months of no sex i couldn't face anyone even hugging me let alone having sex. but now i am terrified i don't think i can go through another m/c but i want a baby so much i can't not try i'm so conflicted and really scared does anyone else feel like this? i'm sorry i've went on for so long feels like i've wrote a book i know most have went through the same thing and my thought are with you all x

• Reply #1 09/08/09  9:58pm
  
  meghanleigh
  Your story sounds just like mine. I m/c in March and June this year. 13 weeks the first time w/ the baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. with the second one, I had a doppler, found the h/b at 9 1/2 weeks, then, Father's Day was the last time I could find it. 3 days later, couldn't take it and went to the OB. I had D&C both times. one thing that is different from your story is my in-laws. my husband, mom and mother-in-law were at both of my surgeries with me. I'm glad you are back home with your hubby and hope that you two can work it out. did your OB do any tests for you to find out why you may have miscarried? I had some tests done, but none have shown that there is anything wrong, so I've just been told to try again. not very comforting, but what else can I do? I am TTC--just started this month--and can't stop thinking about if I could handle it a THIRD time!!! but, I've made it through 2--and so have you--and here WE are TRYING AGAIN. I read a book, "After Miscarriage", and she had 3 miscarriages, then 2 healthy babies. she said that she just had to get up every day knowing that she was one day closer to meeting her baby--whenever that might actually be. I find some comfort in that. as you can see....all us can write a book!
• Reply #2 09/08/09  10:58pm
  
  lola86
  Thank you for your reply i find the site very comforting as know one i know has had a miscarriage and people can "understand" all they like but unless you've been through it you can never really understand. I don't know about you but i'm kind of hoping that i don't find out im pregnant till after 12 weeks haha but when your trying that is a very hard thing to do. I had blood tests for any annomilies that are related to m/c's and during my scan they looked at my ovaries for cysts but everything was fine. My doctor is quite old school he said to me "2 miscarraiges is unfortunate 3 is a pattern" and due to my age i'm at the bottom of the list as women pushing 45 get priority. so i just need to try again just like you :) I can handle the trying and even God forbid another miscarriage it's the waiting that drives me nuts and i am one of those women who know on when they concieve don't ask me how i just know i knew on the day instantly with both my babies, so what i think will drive me mad is waiting for the first scan but now that i've had 2 consecutive m/c's they scan you at 6 instead of 12 which will help im sure. My hubby and I are good, it's all the outside factors that interfere, don't get me wrong we are complete opposites and we handle situations differently but we are working on it and getting stronger everyday :) how has your hubby coped with it all?
• Reply #3 09/09/09  7:59pm
  
  meghanleigh
  I agree with wanting to not know I'm pregnant until I'm done with the first trimester!! My OB did an early scan (7weeks) last time and things looked great....I'm sure it will be the same way this time. I would like to be able to have weekly scans from weeks 7-12. I think that would help me to relax. I would either know that the baby is healthy, or know right away that I m/c and just get the D&C over and done with! My husband doesn't like to talk about it. It's just NOT the same for them. He cried both times, and was at my surgeries, but once he knows that I'm safe, he's back to his same old self. I think it is much better to just not talk about it with him. I know that men hate when women obssess over ovulation, fertility, etc. They just want to do what they need to (:-P) and then know that we are, yet again, pregnant. They will just keep on trying and we don't want to TRY anymore, we want to HAVE a BABY!! So, I've decided to do my venting on the internet and connect with people who KNOW what I'm going through, and not just trying to understand it. Do you know when you can take your first HPT?
• Reply #4 09/09/09  9:11pm
  
  lola86
  Yea men do like to keep things like that to themselves but that frustrates me as i'm a talker i like to solve and confront my problem which my hubby does not!
  I think i can take a HPT next week or the week after, I'm not really sure about the whole tracking thing. I know how to follow the whole fist day of your period and your meant to ovulate two weeks after and then wait another two weeks to see what happens but to be honest i'm not really getting the whole monitoring your temerature and doing the ovulation stick thing. what about you, when will you take one? are you taking folic acid and stuff?
  See in the UK the standard thing to do is to just scan at 12weeks because it would be a strain on the NHS as one in five pregnancy's end in m/c so now i've had two they scan you earlier the third time, which i'm relieved about.
  It's the not knowing and the living in fear something is gonna go wrong, it's so stressful and people tell you to relax as it's not good for the baby and your like "how can i not stress?" I've taken up yoga and meditating which some may think is a waste of time but it is really helping me de-stress. do you do anything for this?
  
• Reply #5 09/19/09  9:41am
  
  meghanleigh
  so...I got a positive today! I feel like I knew right when it happened. did you test yet? I have a lot of things to get in order for this next week. I want to go to the doctor right away. like I said before: I want them to scan like everyweek! I don't know if they will actually do that though. (it's workth a shot) I think now that I know, I would really like to do some yoga to help de-sress. are you still doing yoga?
• Reply #6 09/19/09  9:07pm
  
  lola86
  congradulations i'm so pleased for you make sure the doctors look after you very well. I took a test last night but it was negative will just have to keep trying:) I still do it's really good all about breathing and stretching but i wouldn't start doing it until you passed your 12 weeks just in case and ask you doctor about it because i think there are yoga classes designed for pregnant women. please keep updated on your jelly baby :)

this group is for those mommy and daddy to angels who are currently trying to concieve or have succeeded in ttc