Photo, are you to sensative? You have to have a good repore with your theropist, if you are not , find one you like! So my vote is yes, if your not happywith this one!
If I may say one thing, therpoist are there to help you discover yourself when we are unable to do this ourselves, so many times they may say something you don't agree with. The need for a theropist for me was to get to the core reason for my problems, that "I" could not see!!! Think it over, I care about you and will back you 100%, but you need to ask yourself , Am I too sensative? That will help you know where she is coming from.
P.S. Nothing wrong with being to sensative! xxxxxxxxxxxxx's
Discussion Topic
Please i need advice asap
Posted on 10/29/09, 05:24 pm
My new therapist of two months said in too sensitive and need to toughen up!
She said i was needy and also she has been back and forth on some issues
and is too harsh for me i think.
I ended it she has kept next session.
Please vote yes for me finding a new one....
Or no to stay with her.
Pls bear in mind what i went through with the last one.....
She said i was needy and also she has been back and forth on some issues
and is too harsh for me i think.
I ended it she has kept next session.
Please vote yes for me finding a new one....
Or no to stay with her.
Pls bear in mind what i went through with the last one.....
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Reply #1 10/29/09 6:31pm
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Reply #2 10/29/09 6:34pm
How often do you see her?
As you've only known her for 2 months I would say to persevere for a while so that you can get to know each other better. Perhaps she can help you with cognitive behaviour therapy to overcome your sensitivity.
I have also been told many times that I'm too sensitive and need to toughen up..............easier said than done though isn't it. Maybe she can give you some tips on this issue.
So I am voting 'no' to stay with your therapist for the time being.
Hope this helps -
Reply #3 10/29/09 9:50pm
Stop an take a deep breath. Don't give up too soon. Try to open up and tell her you are sensitive and thinking of not seeing her anymore if she can't handle you with kid gloves. Tell her that you need someone to treat you like the special person you are. Tell her you are afraid you'll give up on her and she will in turn give up on you. Is that how you feel?
If you really do not feel an immediate connection, then it might be better to tell her so. Ask her how long does it take to create a rapport with a new therapist? If she can't give you an answer you can live with, then a turnabout might be best.
Tell her what you need from her whether it be alot of listening and not a lot of judging at this point. Ask her not to judge you until she has seen you several times and gets to know you better. Ask her to just let you talk to her first and get comfortable with opening up. She should understand that!
Hope this helps too! -
Reply #4 10/29/09 10:54pm
maybe tell her that you're open to her thoughts and let her know how she made you feel. Although I agree that a therapist shouldn't just be there to cheer along at everything you say, but help you find some meaning behind why you're going there, and to help you better your quality of life when you alone can not - I don't think you should have to leave an appointment feeling worse than when you went in. It's one thing to be thinking or to receive constructive critisism, but if you felt as it was more an apathetic attack on your personality then it might be a good idea to let her know how it made you feel. If you're paying for these sessions, I'd recommend springing that on at the end of the session too. Then you'll also be able to compare the new one to your last one.
That's just how I would handle it. Of course I might also just tell the person at the desk I didn't want to see her anymore, what I thought about her, and ask if there is someone else I could see instead. -
Reply #5 10/30/09 3:38am
Thanks, i think she just f***** up and ive emailed her to tell her how i felt.
Il go back and see and if we cant make a go of it ill slowly move away.
I realised what a lovely sense of humour you all have and a tenderness. -
Reply #6 10/30/09 3:06pm
You may want to have a few more sessions to see if it might work. I would say, give it a little more time. -
Reply #7 11/02/09 1:04pm
I recall the unnecessary shit you went through with your last therapist. This one seems that she/he is just too forward for your liking and mine. I don't want to see someone for 2 months and hear "I need to toughen up" unless I truly do.
Check with your inner self and see if they are a correct match for what you're looking for. It may just be that the truth is hard to swallow or you aren't in need of toughening up. I think you have alot going for yourself and that the therapist was too blunt. I wouldn't like someone saying that to me. But then again....they have and I did need to toughen up...and did just that.
You can take it as an insult or a great piece of advice. Keep one more appt. and just judge for yourself. Love as always to you photo. I think you're wonderful. Barb-Detroit -
Reply #8 11/03/09 10:02am
A lot of great advise here for you Photo. Thank you for trusting us all enough to ask for our advice. Sometimes its hard to see the forest if your standing in the center of the trees, so an outside view is what you need. I think I'm sensitive also. The less self esteem I had, the more sensitive I became, and the less contact I had with people who upset me. Maybe that's the issue? Different therapists have different approaches to challenging you to see an issue. That thought reminds me of a memory of when my son who was a freshman & was playing high school football. His coach, who was also his science teacher, pulled him off the field one day during practice and told him he'd never make as he was too small and not tough enough. My son came home crushed and relayed this story to hubby & I. Hubby said,"He's challenging you to work harder and be better. He wants you to prove him wrong. Make him eat his own words and be better, faster, and stronger." And so my son did and went on to do wonderful things in football. This same coach and teacher then used this same type of motivation in his science class with my son. He told him many times he would never to on to college. Not because he wasn't bright enough but because he settled for average work when he could do great work. Once again, my son was crushed. He was challenged and faced it head on. He went on to get a double degree from college and loved telling his old coach & teacher that he had risen to the challenge and succeeded. Maybe this is what your therapists is trying to do with you? If your the type of person this works with - great. If not, then I agree you need to talk to her about it before you make a chose to find another therapist. -
Reply #9 11/05/09 4:04pm
Petersen, I doubt if your son transcdended his coach/teacher's low expectations simply as a response to the teacher's comments. I suspect he grew under his own power and the more positive influences in his life, in spite of this teacher.
The solution to being "too sensitive" is to increase sensitivity, to one's own intuition, heart perception, possible negative reactivity, and the deeper need behind potentially offensive words spoken by others. Perhaps you can help your therapist to learn this.
There is no perfect therapist (on this planet breathing, my two cats notwithstanding). Give your relationship with this one some time to develop, if you sense the possibility of "connection" and it becoming therapeutic.
Hang in there, Aaron -
Reply #10 11/06/09 8:20am
Photo: Only you can be the judge of how much you are getting and walking away from your sessions. If you walk out the door feeling bad or worse than you did walking in, then it's time to find out why. Is it the therapist's method rubbing you the wrong way, is it his/her lack of caring and insight into your problems, do you want a girlfriend/buddy-like therapist to whom you can relate? You probably already know this about me, but I go right to a potential therapist or psychiatrist and tell them exactly what I think I need from them and want to know if they, in turn, can relate to me well enough to be willing to work with me while I work on myself. I can basically tell if we are going to get along within one meeting -- two tops.
Give it another go but this time, ask her if she "wants" to help you help yourself. Is she willing to listen to you without prejudging you before you can get the sentence out of your mouth. Tell her you don't want to be characterized as "this" or "that" and just medicated for whatever she "thinks" is ailing you. Does this make sense?
Communication by you with her is paramount in helping you make a decision. Remember: You are going to hear some negative stuff that you may not want to hear, which may be a process of helping you heal and deal with what's ailing you, but how it is brought across to you is imperative and your ability to "hear" it and "deal" with it major accomplishments.
Just look for someone who genuinely seems to understand where you are coming from that you have a genuine professional liking for. I'd keep looking until I found that person. Hey, I'm needy too! My neediness opened up to reveal myself as I am and I found a therapist I could trust, but it took 4 years of "dating" so to speak before I found her. So, let yourself show through and if they can't deal, then just move on to find someone else who can.
Hope I'm not coming across too preachy. I've just been there a couple of times when I moved from Minnesota, to Arizona, back to Minnesota, and finally to Colorado. I had to start all over again. As a matter of fact, my therapist is retiring so it will be time to find a new therapist. We'll have to swap stories. Send me a message and I'll send you a message about my "psych's day out!" Ha!
Take care, love. I am right here with you. You are definitely not alone. We're in this together. Pattye
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