cutegddss

wanna kill DH

Posted on 08/03/09, 10:04 pm

does anyone ever feel like it would be easier to raise your babies without the "help" of your significant other? I get so frustrated with DH - sometimes I have fantasies about taking my boys and leaving him. He is just such a jerk in the middle of the night that I have really started to hate him. He has to feed one of the babies in the middle of the night because I can't take care of both - and then he has to get up and go to work so I know how hard it is. but I "work" as well - staying home with four month old twins is HARD!! but in the middle of the night he is really short and gets easily frustrated and so we usually end up getting in fights.

is anyone else's marriage hitting some bumpy times? am I alone? I often wonder if I am going to survive this. anyone have any advice?

• Reply #1 08/04/09  9:00am
  
  alh071
  Well I guess our situation is a little different. My partner is the bio-mom and is bf'ing, but she has gone back to work and I am the one staying home with our daughter. When my partner headed back to work she quickly decided it was EASIER to go out to work after being up at night with the baby than it was to stay home with her following a bad night, so she gets up with the baby at night -- she's bf'ing anyway so she'd have to, but she won't even let me change her diaper in the night. We've both been on both sides and it is easier to leave the house after a bad night than to stay home with the little one. Maybe your husband should have to stay home with the boys after a night of being up and see how THAT feels. As someone who does not do well in the middle of the night, I can understand his frustration, but it sounds like your boys are still on a nighttime eating schedule and I did get used to getting up with Natalie when she was getting up to eat once or twice a night (knock on wood, the past month she's mostly been sleeping through the night). On the nights we have unexpected wakings -- like the night she woke every hour all night because of her 3-month growth spurt -- I got frustrated but my partner just refuses to engage when it's the middle of the night and I'm frustrated, so it quickly passed. That's our general rule, to try not to fight or have disagreements when one or both of us is tired or cranky. But it IS hard. I've been home with Natalie almost 2 weeks and they have probably been the hardest of my life. My partner and I have definitely fought more than we ever did before she was born and by 9pm all either of us have the energy to do is pass out in bed so we don't have much time or energy to even have real conversations. That makes it really hard. All I can say is to try and talk to him about it. And don't let him get away with it. That's something I really appreciate my partner for -- she doesn't let me get away with being a jerk and points out when I'm being unreasonable.
• Reply #2 08/04/09  6:01pm
  
  summerbda
  LORD!!!! don't get me stared!!! My baby had colic and i would have the music full blast....rocking her w/a broken back/while she was SCREAMING at the TOP of her lungs....and when I say something about it, in the morning...he says "what really I didn't even hear you???????????? WHAT???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??.....it goes on and on...He doesn't work and sneaks off for naps all day! I've walked by him sleeing and thought "I HATE U SO MUCH, for treating us so badly!
  I've told him if he doesn't help me than I'll find someone that will treat us right!! He's getting better after all my threats (which I mean) so we'll see but raising my daughter alone will be fine w/me, I did it with my son and it was a joy!!!....alh017 has it right, maybe I'll find a good women! MEN SUCK!
• Reply #3 08/04/09  8:29pm
  
  melissajm
  I love my husband..but sometimes I wish he had boobs!!!! He gets to sleep all night and doesn't even hear us get up during the night. It wasn't so bad before I returned to work..but now..AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
• Reply #4 08/04/09  9:26pm
  
  cutegddss
  This makes me feel so much better. I know that I am probably super stressed with two - because with one I might be able to squeeze in a nap during the day (they never sleep at the same time!). But after really looking at it, I think even with one he would be like this. He thinks babies should be born self-sefficient. I mean he has actually said that. He said he isn't frustrated at the boys - he is mad at mother nature and the "situation." Oy.
  
  I just want to shake him and tell him to get over it. Not to mention the tireless arguement that we have over and over again about working. he thinks because he goes somewhere and makes money that he is actually working all day (oh yeah, and he has to stand all day too). I only kind of work. Are you freaking kidding me? I take care of two babies all day long. Feeding, changing, bathing, playing with and stimulating. Trying to remember to take pics, pumping, making bottles, making formula, doing laundry. OMG!!!!!!
  
  We do talk about it but it doesn't help that in the morning he says he doesn't remember being mean. It's like he's sleepwalking through all of this. And what is even more frustrating is how often I have to ASK him for help when he gets home. Can you change Killian? Can you give Graham a bath? And he always asks - when did they last eat? Even if HE fed them. C'mon dude. Four months now - this is getting old!
  
  On a side note, DH has not been left alone with the babies for more than three hours EVER! But this Sunday I am going to a baby shower for his cousin - he doesn't want to go - but he said he'll watch the boys all day (it's a six to seven hour round trip, plus the time it takes for the shower). That's going to be something like ten hours - hopefully he will see what I go through. Unfortunately it's very easy for him to zone out their crying. Jerk!
  
  Thanks for letting me vent :)
• Reply #5 08/07/09  11:11am
  
  N79
  My hubby is quite the ass as well...he works most days(roofing...weather permitting) he falls asleep and doesn't hear one peep from Emma...then when I complain about being tired..he says "well at least ur off today"...OFF what the f does that mean???? I'm never off I have a 3month old breastfeeding...never OFF....I dont even have the patience to type all the other shitty things that come out of his mouth
• Reply #6 10/06/09  9:06pm
  
  cme71
  Well my husband works construction & had to go out of state on a job when Caden was 6 weeks old. It's like I am a single parent. I also have my hubbys 15yr old boy....grrrr.....so I have two of them whining and crying to me.....ugghhh....My husband is pretty good when he's home but I am so tired all the time & when I talk to him when he's on a job I don't think he comprehends why I am quiet and don't have much to say....I have been thinking if some of these guys had to sit at home 24/7 and be the only one responsible for keeping up with babys every little move then they would find out real quick what a job it is! From the time Caden was about 2 weeks on I decided it would be so much easier to go back to work on a public job than to stay home with a baby all day!......I have headaches daily & am tired all the time...hard to keep up with everything....Everyone says you have to sleep when the baby sleeps...yea right!....about the time I doze he wakes up crying....and a lot of times he only naps for 10-15min at a time....it's now 8:05 pm....he has taken about 4 10min naps & he's still awake....and he usually still gets up around 4am to eat & then will go back to bed until about 7:30 so I know it could be worse...I will just be glad when he gets to be a happier baby!

For ladies that have suffered through IF/loss and can't wait for May to finally be a mama!!!