good luck I am still trying to get in a routine with my kids...and my oldest is 9 yr old.
Just go with the flow...sometimes you can find yourself.
Discussion Topic
Frustrated and and Angry...any advice?
Posted on 05/10/09, 10:18 pm
Hey All Mommies. Okay here is my issue. I just had my most amazing beautiful little girl a month ago as of yesterday. I am struggling. I love her to death and would do anything for her, but I am starting to become depressed, not because of her, but because for some reason I cant find the time to even put my make-up on anymore or even time to write or do anything that defines me as a person. I love her but am afraid I am losing me. I am not trying to be selfish but I thought it was more healthy to have a balance. Anyone have any ideas on how to balance yourselves as a grown woman and as a mommy? I would like to get into a routine with my daughter but have no idea where to start. Thanks for everyones help. I am very apperciative of all your help.
-
Reply #1 05/11/09 2:21am
-
Reply #2 05/12/09 7:27am
Go easy on yourself, your daughter is only 4 weeks old. Does she sleep through the night? Finding a routine takes time and taking care of yourself is not selfish. You'll find a balance soon. I used to put my son in a bouncer seat in the bath room so I could shower and put on makeup. (right after he was fed). He was content from having a full belly, he could hear my voice and the sound of the shower was soothing. As time goes on things will get easier and you'll surprise yourself with all kinds of creative ways to simplify life. -
Reply #3 05/12/09 7:34pm
As a mother of twins I know the feeling. Give it a little of time. Around 3 or 4 months it will start to get easier, you'll most likely be in a routine, you'll have your time again to get ready, write, and etc. -
Reply #4 05/14/09 1:14pm
take notice and be proactive about 'depressed' feelings and sensations.
They are not necessarily just emotional responses to the new burdens of motherhood, nor does it mean anything about how much a woman loves her new baby. There are physiological changes that happen in a woman during pregnancy, and then childbirth, which can really throw a woman into a chemical tailspin. If you even suspect that you may have post-partum depression, do not hesitate to get professional help. There is no shame in it, and it says nothing about you as a person, or as a mother. It just is what it is, and left untreated, can manifest into a debilitating dysfunction. Its best to dial the phone and call your ob/gyn now to discuss the possibility that you may be having ppd, as opposed to waiting it out and then realizing that you do when it is too late and you can't muster the emotional energy to pick up the phone to help yourself.
There is no rhyme or reason to if/when a woman is hit with ppd. Some are prone to depression, whereas others who experience ppd are totally blindsided, having never been depressed before in their lives (clinically). Also, from one birth to the next, the same mother can have completely different experiences. I had ppd with my first, and not with my second, and if you tried to chart the events of my life and guess which time I would have suffered depression, you'd expect my first to have been a breeze and for my second to have been depressing. Its not logical, and its not even emotional. Its chemical. And its manageable.
I'm in no position to say that this is what you are experiencing, but I would encourage you to keep your eyes open and be honest with yourself just incase.
As far as routine... at this young age, and as you are recovering and adjusting... when baby sleeps, you sleep. at least you rest. let the dishes go, call in help if you need to... take it easy on yourself. You are actually better off it you do things while the babe is awake. Both of you will benefit from her experiencing a little alone time (just meaning you aren't holding her) and you can certainly talk to her while you are folding laundry or washing dishes or whatever.
think of an airplane ride. oxygen drops down. who are you told to administer to first? baby? no. yourself. You are best able to care for baby when you can breathe... right? same same. But yet, the flight attendants always come around and personally remind every mom of this before take off. WHY? Because we are all prone to put ourselves second.
motherhood doesn't have to be akin to martyrdom. you'll learn to balance by falling down. we're just big kids... learning to walk in 'mom shoes' -
Reply #5 05/14/09 1:16pm
also, whenever you get stressed... sing.
its soothing to both baby and mama.
and when mama is stressed, it stresses babe, and the cycle can be truly vicious!
find some lovely songs that you both enjoy, and don't worry about the quality of your singing voice. to the baby, you will sound like an angel. -
Reply #6 05/14/09 9:26pm
I am in the same boat you are in. I ask myself that question all the time. When will I find Me again. I have four children and stay home all day with them. I would love to have the old me again. I feel like I am getting more depressed everyday. I don't find it getting easier for me, it seems to be getting harder. Well maybe when they are all in school, maybe thats when I can have me come back, so I guess that won't be for another three years for me.
Sorry I was no help to you. If you get any good advice send it my way. Thanks and good luck -
Reply #7 05/21/09 1:43pm
Its gets better, you just have to realize its not all about you now.
Once you get things on a routine it gets better.
enjoy it as much as you can. -
Reply #8 06/01/09 8:41am
Just give it time. My daughter just turned 10 months old and she plays by herself for 1-2 hours at a stretch. Once your baby can eat more during feeds and doesn't need to be changed on an hourly basis, things get a lot better. Like others said, getting a routine started is pretty important. After that, you just plan around your baby's needs. If you're having a hard time with forming a schedule, try to be as consistent as possible. Staying one step ahead of your little one is half the battle. ;o) -
Reply #9 06/17/09 6:13pm
I'm w/you...Kayla is 1 month...and I haven't showered in 5 days..lol...eating is a thing of the past....My baby has colic in evenings and I get so stressed about her being in pain...I'm on the verge of a heartattack.....GL -
Reply #10 08/11/09 1:28pm
Don't worry - it gets easier. The first couple of months are a whirlwind. Don't get depressed, know that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel soon. They don't use sleep deprivation as a torture method for no reason, it messes with your mind not having enough sleep to the point where you loose perspective and you think you're going mad, but be assured that this phase is short-lived.
Set up routines like bath and betime right from the start and stick to them faithfully, it will pay dividends in the months to come. Try to grab some sleep while they nap in the day and don't worry about the housework - it can wait - or accept help from family/freinds etc, you can't do it all. Babies thrive on routine, they draw comfort from knowing what is going to come next and therefore are calmer and more contented babies. Stick with it honey, soon you will have more time to do things and motherhood will become second nature. We are not warned how much time a little one takes and the total absorbtion and energy it requires in the begining.
On a more serious note, if you feel like you really are getting totally depressed, don't be afraid to consult your doctor, post natal depression (as we call it in the UK, I think you have another name for it in the US) is a medical condition and can be seriously debilitating and mothers suffer unneccesarily as they don't want to 'bother' the doctor and they feel they should be able to cope - not true - don't hesitate to get help if you need it.
Good luck honey and enjoy your little one - they grow up so fast - mine is 2 now - how did that happen!
Welcome
Join This Group
A place for stay at home moms to come to support one another share ideas about how to help your home run more smoothly and to encourage and motivate one another. Whether your kids are home all day or about to leave the nest... or even if the only kid left at home is the one you married!!!... all are welcome... aspiring moms too!
