Interesting from another Phd.

Most children, especially girls are taught, indoctrinated and rewarded to believe saying, 'yes,' is right and saying, 'no,' is wrong. Children learn that acceding to demands allows them to avoid conflict and criticism, to please people, earn praise, and prove that they care for the significant people in their lives.

The right to say, 'no,' is indelibly intertwined with the ability to make choices. Thus, when a child senses she/he is limited in his/her options, compelled to say, 'yes,' even when doing so is not in his/her best interest, she/he is inextricably robbed of his/her ability to choose. Healing the emotional damage this crippling juxtaposition leaves is difficult. The tendency to say, 'yes,' even when one desperately wants to say, 'no; can be difficult because one suspects that others will reject him/her for his/her assertiveness - for breaking a cardinal rule. This cardinal rule was instilled at a young age, therefore, she/he does not recognize the root cause for his/her dilemma.

However, the reward you will experience when breaking through this dilemma is true freedom of choice. When others ask you to take on work or provide a favor, dutifully consider their requests. If you feel compelled to say, 'yes,' consider whether you are acquiescing out of fear of disapproval or wanting to gain their approval. Remind yourself that the ability to say, 'no' is a birthright and an important aspect of your well-being, as it is an indication that you understand the true value of your energy, time, and talents. As you consistently articulate your personal power by saying, 'no,' you will feel empowered to explore the many consequences of the word by responding negatively to many of the requests you receive. You might notice, 'no,' has become your frequent response for awhile. When you see that your life moves forward without interruption, however, you will feel more comfortable saying, 'no,' and you will make decisions based on the merits of the situation/request.

There is nothing wrong with acceding to requests from others, provided these requests do not infringe on your health or happiness. Remember that it's only when you feel you have the legitimate right to say, 'no,' that you can say, 'yes; with complete certainty, sincerity and enthusiasm. While saying, 'yes,' carries responsibility, you can feel good about giving a gift of time and effort when your reasons for doing so are rooted in your values and your appreciation for the person who made the request.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD,