Group News

Social Anxiety Tips
10 tips for fighting SAD:

Have a creative outlet
One way we can set aside the stress and anxiety of having to deal with SAD is to have a creative outlet. This could be anything from drawing, painting or writing to making music or working on a personal homepage. If none of those are of interest to you, the internet is home to a wealth of information on other hobbies that you could begin to involve yourself with.
If given a choice, I think it's pretty safe to say that no one here would have chosen to live with SAD. Since it is an issue that we must deal with though, we can use our experiences as the fuel for our creative output. What would Tupac Shakur or Jonathan Davis (Korn) have written about had they not grown up in the environment that they did? Just as they chose to take a negative situation and turn it into something positive or successful, you too can do the same in your own way.
Not only will finding a creative outlet give your tired mind a break from stress, you will soon begin to feel a sense of accomplishment once your creations begin to take shape.

Remember that no one is "perfect"
If we all had penny for every time we stepped outside of a given situation and analyzed ourselves, we'd all probably be retired by now. One thing that we must keep in mind is that no one is perfect and that everyone has issues. Be it the actors and actresses that you see on TV, the musicians you hear on the radio or the guy or girl that you see in the halls every day that seem to always be on cloud 9 and hold the world in the palm of their hand. Granted there are others who are better at dealing with their insecurities than you or I, but we all have them! Everyone has made mistakes and everyone knows what it's like to do something so embarrassing that you just want to crawl in a hole. Once we're able to keep this in mind, the easier it will be for us all.

The world wouldn't be any fun if we all shuffled around like perfect little robots. So I say that our "shortcomings" give us character, not reason to hide! Embrace what makes you unique in this world and stand tall.

Learn to laugh at yourself!
This goes hand and hand with the previous tip. It's common for those with SA to dwell on their mistakes more than others. We get so used to focusing on our shortcomings that it begins to take over our personality and we may lose track of who we really are. We may become reluctant to be outspoken or reserved in times of exuberance.

Countless comedians have made a living using self-deprecating humor (i.e. poking fun at themselves) and why exactly is that? Because we've all been there! Usually we can identify with them and know exactly what they're talking about. Being able to shrug off a mistake and move on is not only a sign of true self confidence, it's essential to managing Social Anxiety. The sooner we all realize that we aren't the only ones in the world that trip over something, say something silly or make a mistake, the sooner we will find ourselves in a much more laid-back and relaxed state of mind.

Life is hard enough as a rule, so lets make it easier on ourselves and lets not sweat the small stuff!

The comfort zone
Ever feel like you need a break and a place to just go and get away from it all? Finding your own personal "comfort zone" is an important part of dealing with SAD. Personally, I like to head off to the beach when I'm stressed out and just take in the sights and sounds. The ocean air and beauty of it all have a calming effect for me. Seeing how we all come from different parts of the globe and that we all have different tastes, our own personal sanctuaries will differ. It could be anything from chilling out at a local park, to just going for a drive in your car, or even just drawing yourself a hot bath and zoning out (or hot shower for us guys).

While the best way to deal with anxiety-inducing situations is to gradually desensitize yourself and confront them head on until they get easier, sometimes we need a place to go and regroup. Where as sleep is our body's way of recharging physically, we all need a place where we can go to and recharge the mind.

Goal setting
We as humans crave accomplishment and meaning in our lives. The more that we are able to accomplish, the better we feel about ourselves and the better our self esteem will be. Start setting goals for yourself and don't be afraid to be proud of yourself when you start knocking them down!

Baby steps
While it's a great idea to set goals for yourself, you also must give yourself a realistic timetable to accomplish them. Overcoming or learning to manage your anxiety is a gradual process and you should look at achieving your goals the same way. Start small and just gradually work your way up from there. Gradually push yourself step by step until that stressful situation you're dealing with begins to dissolve and things get easier. Any accomplishment, no matter how small it seems, is another step closer to getting better and reason to keep on pushing yourself.

Find something you love about yourself
Things can get rough at times and some of us have a lot of issues that we must deal with day to day, but we should never lose track of the fact that there is something GREAT about all of us! There is no exception among us here. We're all unique and there is an infinite amount of qualities and abilities out there worthy of praise. Find something you like about yourself and embrace it. We have become experts when it comes to dwelling on the negative aspects of our lives, just imagine if we put half that effort into feeling good about ourselves.

Exercise
Some of use put rims in our car or install tricked out stereos. Some of us spend hours downloading desktop wallpaper and screen savers for our computers. Some of us treat our pets like kings or queens. Do we all do enough for ourselves?

Not only is exercise essential for good health and not only is it a great stress reliever, lets be honest, it's also a great way to give our self esteem a good boost. Whether it's going for a jog, taking a walk, lifting weights, Pilates, or Yoga, you can't go wrong with exercise.

A pet
When times are rough, you'd be hard-pressed to find anything better than a little unconditional love. One way for all of us to snag a little is to find a pet that suits our needs and lifestyle. Where as I'm a dog kinda guy myself, you might have a place in your heart and home for a cat, fish, snake, lizard or one of the many other pets available out there. There are also numerous animals up for adoption out there. You not only would be bringing in some additional joy to your life, you'd be saving a life as well.

Music
Sometimes a song can take every emotion that you're feeling and put it into words or a rhythm that you've never imagined, yet it describes how you feel better than you ever could have. Sometimes a song has the power to bring a smile to your face after a hard day or give you the energy you need to face the day. Finding a sound that connects with us is an amazing way to deal with all the ups and downs that life can bring. Listening to music isn't the only root of its salvation, sometimes playing or creating music is just as fulfilling if not more. Music is a powerful tool for either the creative mind or the eager ear.

Tips aside, we all have already taken one of the biggest steps of our lives. We have acknowledged that there is a problem and we've sought out help in dealing with it by finding the SAS website. Admitting that there is a problem is the first step towards recovery. Things may seem bleak when you're alone but when you work with others toward a common goal, you can accomplish anything. So hopefully we can all help each other get the to point in our lives that we want to be.
-Banky DISCLAIMER Information contained within this site is intended solely for general educational purposes. The information contained in this service is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice relative to your specific medical condition or question. ALWAYS seek the advice of your physician or other health provider for any questions you may have regarding your medical condition. Only your physician can provide specific diagnoses and therapies.

       I found this article on the Social Anxiety Support website & thought it might be helpful.

Building Self-Esteem

Most people feel bad about themselves from time to time. Feelings of low self-esteem may be triggered by being treated poorly by someone else recently or in the past, or by a person's own judgments of him or herself. This is normal. However, low self-esteem is a constant companion for too many people, especially those who experience depression. anxiety, phobias, psychosis, delusional thinking, or who have an illness or a disability. If you are one of these people, you may go through life feeling bad about yourself needlessly. Low self-esteem keeps you from enjoying life, doing the things you want to do, and working toward personal goals.
You have a right to feel good about yourself. However, it can be very difficult to feel good about yourself when you are under the stress of having symptoms that are hard to manage, when you are dealing with a disability, when you are having a difficult time, or when others are treating you badly. At these times, it is easy to be drawn into a downward spiral of lower and lower self-esteem. For instance, you may begin feeling bad about yourself when someone insults you, you are under a lot of pressure at work, or you are having a difficult time getting along with someone in your family. Then you begin to give yourself negative self-talk, like "I'm no good." That may make you feel so bad about yourself that you do something to hurt yourself or someone else, such as getting drunk or yelling at your children. By using the ideas and activities in this [guide], you can avoid doing things that make you feel even worse and do those things that will make you feel better about yourself.
This guide will give you ideas on things you can do to feel better about yourself to raise your self-esteem. The ideas have come from people like yourself, people who realize they have low self-esteem and are working to improve it.
As you begin to use the methods in this guide and other methods that you may think of to improve your self-esteem, you may notice that you have some feelings of resistance to positive feelings about yourself. This is normal. Don't let these feelings stop you from feeling good about yourself. They will diminish as you feel better and better about yourself. To help relieve these feelings, let your friends know what you are going through. Have a good cry if you can. Do things to relax, such as meditating or taking a nice warm bath.
As you read this guide and work on the exercises, keep the following statement in mind
"I am a very special, unique, and valuable person. I deserve to feel good about myself."


Self-Esteem, Depression, and Other Illnesses


Before you begin to consider strategies and activities to help raise your self-esteem, it is important to remember that low self-esteem may be due to depression. Low self-esteem is a symptom of depression. To make things even more complicated, the depression may be a symptom of some other illness. Have you felt sad consistently for several weeks but don't know why you are feeling so sad, i.e. nothing terribly bad has happened, or maybe something bad has happened but you haven't been able to get rid of the feelings of sadness? Is this accompanied by other changes, like wanting to eat all the time or having no appetite, wanting to sleep all the time or waking up very early and not being able to get back to sleep? If you answered yes to either question, there are two things you need to do
• see your doctor for a physical examination to determine the cause of your depression and to discuss treatment choices
• do some things that will help you to feel better right away like eating well, getting plenty of exercise and outdoor light, spending time with good friends, and doing fun things like going to a movie, painting a picture, playing a musical instrument, or reading a good book.

Things You Can Do Right Away Every Day To Raise Your Self-Esteem


Pay attention to your own needs and wants. Listen to what your body, your mind, and your heart are telling you. For instance, if your body is telling you that you have been sitting down too long, stand up and stretch. If your heart is longing to spend more time with a special friend, do it. If your mind is telling you to clean up your basement, listen to your favorite music, or stop thinking bad thoughts about yourself, take those thoughts seriously.
Take very good care of yourself. As you were growing up you may not have learned how to take good care of yourself. In fact, much of your attention may have been on taking care of others, on just getting by, or on "behaving well." Begin today to take good care of yourself. Treat yourself as a wonderful parent would treat a small child or as one very best friend might treat another. If you work at taking good care of yourself, you will find that you feel better about yourself. Here are some ways to take good care of yourself
• Eat healthy foods and avoid junk foods (foods containing a lot of sugar, salt, or fat). A healthy daily diet is usually:
• Five or six servings of vegetables and fruit
• Six servings of whole grain foods like bread, pasta, cereal, and rice
• Two servings of protein foods like beef, chicken, fish, cheese, cottage cheese, or yogurt
• Exercise. Moving your body helps you to feel better and improves your self-esteem. Arrange a time every day or as often as possible when you can get some exercise, preferably outdoors. You can do many different things. Taking a walk is the most common. You could run, ride a bicycle, play a sport, climb up and down stairs several times, put on a tape, or play the radio and dance to the musicanything that feels good to you. If you have a health problem that may restrict your ability to exercise, check with your doctor before beginning or changing your exercise habits.
• Do personal hygiene tasks that make you feel better about yourself, things like taking a regular shower or bath, washing and styling your hair, trimming your nails, brushing and flossing your teeth.
• Have a physical examination every year to make sure you are in good health.
• Plan fun activities for yourself. Learn new things every day.

• Take time to do things you enjoy. You may be so busy, or feel so badly about yourself, that you spend little or no time doing things you enjoy--things like playing a musical instrument, doing a craft project, flying a kite, or going fishing. Make a list of things you enjoy doing. Then do something from that list every day. Add to the list anything new that you discover you enjoy doing.
• Get something done that you have been putting off. Clean out that drawer. Wash that window. Write that letter. Pay that bill.

• Do things that make use of your own special talents and abilities. For instance, if you are good with your hands, then make things for yourself, family, and friends. If you like animals, consider having a pet or at least playing with friends' pets. • Dress in clothes that make you feel good about yourself. If you have little money to spend on new clothes, check out thrift stores in your area.

• Give yourself rewards you are a great person. Listen to a CD or tape.

• Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself people who treat you well. Avoid people who treat you badly.

• Make your living space a place that honors the person you are. Whether you live in a single room, a small apartment, or a large home, make that space comfortable and attractive for you. If you share your living space with others, have some space that is just for you--a place where you can keep your things and know that they will not be disturbed and that you can decorate any way you choose.
• Display items that you find attractive or that remind you of your achievements or of special times or people in your life. If cost is a factor, use your creativity to think of inexpensive or free ways that you can add to the comfort and enjoyment of your space.
• Make your meals a special time. Turn off the television, radio, and stereo. Set the table, even if you are eating alone. Light a candle or put some flowers or an attractive object in the center of the table. Arrange your food in an attractive way on your plate. If you eat with others, encourage discussion of pleasant topics. Avoid discussing difficult issues at meals.
• Take advantage of opportunities to learn something new or improve your skills. Take a class or go to a seminar. Many adult education programs are free or very inexpensive. For those that are more costly, ask about a possible scholarship or fee reduction.
• Begin doing those things that you know will make you feel better about yourself like going on a diet, beginning an exercise program or keeping your living space clean.
• Do something nice for another person. Smile at someone who looks sad. Say a few kind words to the check-out cashier. Help your spouse with an unpleasant chore. Take a meal to a friend who is sick. Send a card to an acquaintance. Volunteer for a worthy organization.
• Make it a point to treat yourself well every day. Before you go to bed each night, write about how you treated yourself well during the day.
You may be doing some of these things now. There will be others you need to work on. You will find that you will continue to learn new and better ways to take care of yourself. As you incorporate these changes into your life, your self-esteem will continue to improve.



Changing Negative Thoughts About Yourself To Positive Ones



You may be giving yourself negative messages about yourself. Many people do. These are messages that you learned when you were young. You learned from many different sources including other children, your teachers, family members, caregivers, even from the media, and from prejudice and stigma in our society.
Once you have learned them, you may have repeated these negative messages over and over to yourself, especially when you were not feeling well or when you were having a hard time. You may have come to believe them. You may have even worsened the problem by making up some negative messages or thoughts of your own. These negative thoughts or messages make you feel bad about yourself and lower your self-esteem.
Some examples of common negative messages that people repeat over and over to themselves include: "I am a jerk," "I am a loser," "I never do anything right," "No one would ever like me," "I am a klutz." Most people believe these messages, no matter how untrue or unreal they are. They come up immediately in the right circumstance, for instance if you get a wrong answer you think "I am so stupid." They may include words like should, ought, or must. The messages tend to imagine the worst in everything, especially you, and they are hard to turn off or unlearn.
You may think these thoughts or give yourself these negative messages so often that you are hardly aware of them. Pay attention to them. Carry a small pad with you as you go about your daily routine for several days and jot down negative thoughts about yourself whenever you notice them. Some people say they notice more negative thinking when they are tired, sick, or dealing with a lot of stress. As you become aware of your negative thoughts, you may notice more and more of them.
It helps to take a closer look at your negative thought patterns to check out whether or not they are true. You may want a close friend or counselor to help you with this. When you are in a good mood and when you have a positive attitude about yourself, ask yourself the following questions about each negative thought you have noticed:
• Is this message really true?
• Would a person say this to another person? If not, why am I saying it to myself?
• What do I get out of thinking this thought? If it makes me feel badly about myself, why not stop thinking it?

You could also ask someone else, someone who likes you and who you trust, if you should believe this thought about yourself. Often, just looking at a thought or situation in a new light helps. The next step in this process is to develop positive statements you can say to yourself to replace these negative thoughts whenever you notice yourself thinking them. You can't think two thoughts at the same time. When you are thinking a positive thought about yourself, you can't be thinking a negative one. In developing these thoughts, use positive words like happy, peaceful, loving, enthusiastic, warm.
Avoid using negative words such as worried, frightened, upset, tired, bored, not, never, can't. Don't make a statement like "I am not going to worry any more." Instead say "I focus on the positive" or whatever feels right to you. Substitute "it would be nice if" for "should." Always use the present tense, e.g., "I am healthy," "I am well," "I am happy," "I have a good job," as if the condition already exists. Use I, me, or your own name.
You can do this by folding a piece of paper in half the long way to make two columns. In one column write your negative thought and in the other column write a positive thought that contradicts the negative thought as shown on the next page.
You can work on changing your negative thoughts to positive ones by:
• Replacing the negative thought with the positive one every time you realize you are thinking the negative thought.
• Repeating your positive thought over and over to yourself, out loud whenever you get a chance and even sharing them with another person if possible.
• Writing them over and over.
• Making signs that say the positive thought, hanging them in places where you would see them often - like on your refrigerator door or on the mirror in your bathroom - and repeating the thought to yourself several times when you see it.


Negative Thought
I am not worth anything.
I have never accomplished anything.
I always make mistakes.
I am a jerk.
I don't deserve a good life.
I am stupid.
Positive Thought
I am a valuable person.
I have accomplished many things.
I do many things well.
I am a great person.
I deserve to be happy and healthy.
I am smart.


It helps to reinforce the positive thought if you repeat if over and over to yourself when you are deeply relaxed, like when you are doing a deep-breathing or relaxation exercise, or when you are just falling asleep or waking up.
Changing the negative thoughts you have about yourself to positive ones takes time and persistence. If you use the following techniques consistently for four to six weeks, you will notice that you don't think these negative thoughts about yourself as much. If they recur at some other time, you can repeat these activities. Don't give up. You deserve to think good thoughts about yourself.



Activities That Will Help You Feel Good About Yourself


Any of the following activities will help you feel better about yourself and reinforce your self-esteem over the long term. Read through them. Do those that seem most comfortable to you. You may want to do some of the other activities at another time. You may find it helpful to repeat some of these activities again and again.


Make Affirming Lists Making lists, rereading them often, and rewriting them from time to time will help you to feel better about yourself. If you have a journal, you can write your lists there. If you don't, any piece of paper will do.
Make a list of:
• At least five of your strengths, for example, persistence, courage, friendliness, creativity
• At least five things you admire about yourself, for example the way you have raised your children, your good relationship with your brother, or your spirituality
• The five greatest achievements in your life so far, like recovering from a serious illness, graduating from high school, or learning to use a computer
• At least 20 accomplishments - they can be as simple as learning to tie your shoes, to getting an advanced college degree
• 10 ways you can "treat" or reward yourself that don't include food and that don't cost anything, such as walking in woods, window-shopping, watching children playing on a playground, gazing at a baby's face or at a beautiful flower, or chatting with a friend
• 10 things you can do to make yourself laugh
• 10 things you could do to help someone else
• 10 things that you do that make you feel good about yourself

Reinforcing A Positive Self Image To do this exercise you will need a piece of paper, a pencil or pen, and a timer or clock. Any kind of paper will do, but if you have paper and pen you really like, that will be even better.
Set a timer for 10 minutes or note the time on your watch or a clock. Write your name across the top of the paper. Then write everything positive and good you can think of about yourself. Include special attributes, talents, and achievements. You can use single words or sentences, whichever you prefer. You can write the same things over and over if you want to emphasize them. Don't worry about spelling or grammar. Your ideas don't have to be organized. Write down whatever comes to mind. You are the only one who will see this paper. Avoid making any negative statements or using any negative words, only positive ones. When the 10 minutes are up, read the paper over to yourself. You may feel sad when you read it over because it is a new, different, and positive way of thinking about yourself a way that contradicts some of the negative thoughts you may have had about yourself. Those feelings will diminish as your reread this paper. Read the paper over again several times. Put it in a convenient place your pocket, purse, wallet, or the table beside your bed. Read it over to yourself at least several times a day to keep reminding yourself of how great you are! Find a private space and read it aloud. If you can, read it to a good friend or family member who is supportive.


Developing Positive Affirmations Affirmations are positive statements that you can make about yourself that make you feel better about yourself. They describe ways you would like to feel about yourself all the time. They may not, however, describe how you feel about yourself right now. The following examples of affirmations will help you in making your own list of affirmations:

• I feel good about myself.
• I take good care of myself. I eat right, get plenty of exercise, do things I enjoy, get good health care, and attend to my personal hygiene needs.
• I spend my time with people who are nice to me and make me feel good about myself.
• I am a good person.
• I deserve to be alive.
• Many people like me.

Make a list of your own affirmations. Keep this list in a handy place, like your pocket or purse. You may want to make copies of your list so you can have them in several different places of easy access. Read the affirmations over and over to yourself, aloud whenever you can. Share them with others when you feel like it. Write them down from time to time. As you do this, the affirmations tend to gradually become true for you.
You gradually come to feel better and better about yourself.



Your Personal "Celebratory Scrapbook" And Place To Honor Yourself
Develop a scrapbook that celebrates you and the wonderful person you are. Include pictures of yourself at different ages, writings you enjoy, mementos of things you have done and places you have been, cards you have received, etc. Or set up a place in your home that celebrates "you." It could be on a bureau, shelf, or table. Decorate the space with objects that remind you of the special person you are. If you don't have a private space that you can leave set up, put the objects in a special bag, box, or your purse and set them up in the space whenever you do this work. Take them out and look at them whenever you need to bolster your self-esteem.


Appreciation Exercise
At the top of a sheet of paper write "I like _____ (your name) because:" Have friends, acquaintances, family members, etc., write an appreciative statement about you on it. When you read it, don't deny it OR don't argue with what has been written, just accept it! Read this paper over and over. Keep it in a place where you will see it often.


Self-Esteem Calendar
Get a calendar with large blank spaces for each day. Schedule into each day some small thing you would enjoy doing, such as "go into a flower shop and smell the flowers," "call my sister," "draw a sketch of my cat," "buy a new CD," "tell my daughter I love her," "bake brownies," "lie in the sun for 20 minutes," "wear my favorite scent," etc. Now make a commitment to check your "enjoy life" calendar every day and do whatever you have scheduled for yourself.


Mutual Complimenting Exercise
Get together for 10 minutes with a person you like and trust. Set a timer for five minutes or note the time on a watch or clock. One of you begins by complimenting the other person, saying everything positive about the other person, for the first five minutes. Then the other person does the same thing to that person for the next five minutes. Notice how you feel about yourself before and after this exercise. Repeat it often.


Self-Esteem Resources
Go to your library. Look up books on self-esteem. Read one or several of them. Try some of the suggested activities.


In Conclusion
This guide is just the beginning of the journey. As you work on building your self-esteem you will notice that you feel better more and more often, that you are enjoying your life more than you did before, and that you are doing more of the things you have always wanted to do.


Source: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
SMA-3715
DISCLAIMER Information contained within this site is intended solely for general educational purposes. The information contained in this service is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice relative to your specific medical condition or question. ALWAYS seek the advice of your physician or other health provider for any questions you may have regarding your medical condition. Only your physician can provide specific diagnoses and therapies.