carolineleigh

Stability In A Relationship

Posted on 09/04/09, 01:21 am

So I know that probably a lot of you are like me when you're in a relationship. You assume that sooner or later your S.O. is going to get tired of the rollercoaster and cut you loose. You're always keeping something back, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I've discovered a new, strange concept. WHAT IF IT NEVER DROPS? What if you find someone who can handle the good and the bad and the things in between? They exist, you know.

I found one. Or rather he found me. I'm still trying to figure out why he wants to stick around for the ugly stuff. Does anyone have any thoughts on when you get over that feeling?

• Reply #1 09/04/09  12:08pm
  
  darkaura2
  i'm not sure how you do it... i've had an online relationship with someone for a few months now and i am constantly having hissy fits... but he keeps forgiving me and talking to me... now i'm really becoming suspicious as to why he puts up with my crap...
  
  caroline you know i think you're a gem :) maybe the ugly stuff isn't as ugly as you think...
• Reply #2 09/04/09  12:10pm
  
  HiLowDave
  Well this is interesting As you will find out from a previous post. I found out late in life like at age 47 after 80 relationships that I am a Beeper. I married my last wife in 1992. The paperwork and time we lived together as husband and wife lasted 14 years. By 1999 the sleeping in the same room was over and the marraige was over as well. We held on until 2006 The Beeper diagnosis at age 47 shed much light on the roller coaster ride which started when I was 5 years old. Well I got a little off track.
  The one thing I have learned if nothing else to make any relationship work or last I think is being open honest and above all else trust and commitment. I used to think a successful relationship was a 50/50 ratio. I have learned since it take two at 100/100 100% with trust and commitment. Lets face it in todays times and values systems if it doesn't feel good either partner can quit any time he or she wants. Soul mates are until we disagree we can quit and find another. I'm 54 and have yet to be a quitter. I am guilty of according to another not my opinion I gave to much, I cared to much, and I loved too much. My brains says ??What?? how is this possible I spent my life trying to correct all that I saw going on wrong all around me. Niave in an unusual way I guess is where I've gone wrong. Thinking if I gave and provided everything needed I would be loved for this. Not true. anyhow I've never given up and perhaps I will find one who will love me as much as I can love her. I'm not a quitter and still have dreams of a happily ever after perhaps.
  Also these days everyone has a fault one way or another. If we can learn to forgive ourselves, learn how to love ourselves, learn how to commit, learn not to quit when the going gets tough. Perhaps there is hope for all of us. Everyone not just us Beepers has some sort of obsticle to overcome. I have Jesus for my God and he is the best teacher I've ever had. Laugh, have fun don't take ourselves too seriously. Lastly be alive for now that is enough for me to make it one day at a time. Let someone love you. Love Dave
• Reply #3 09/04/09  2:51pm
  
  olenka1
  Wth the right person, support network & meds. I think it is possible to have a stable relationship. Glad you've found someone willing to take the rollercoaster with you.
• Reply #4 09/13/09  5:48am
  
  carolineleigh
  Thanks Dave, olenka, and darkaura. I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your responses. Your collective input will (and already has) stay with me, and help my belief in this man, this relationship, and myself grow stronger.
  
  darkaura - I think that you're pretty darn fantastic, too, you know. And I know that your guy must see that, too. When you wonder why, you should think about all of your wonderful qualities - I'll list them for you if you can't do it. But I think that's our answer, both you and me.
  
  olenka - straight to the point and right on target. Thanks for the reminder, I think it was a forest for the trees situation. I was only looking at one aspect, you reminded me to keep all the basics in the forefront.
  
  Dave - I love what you said about being "open honest and above all else trust and commitment." I think you got right to the heart of it. I can take all of those things and apply them directly to my relationship. We're honest and open, although it took me some time to open up completely. I realize now that it was because I wasn't ready to trust his commitment to stick by me, no matter what. But I believe in it now, and I have the same type of commitment to him - I'm going to be there come hell or high water. I also love what you said about a relationship being not 50/50, but 100/100. You obviously have so much experience and wisdom on this topic, and I thank you for sharing it. I hope you find someone lucky enough to be with you!
  
  Thanks again, everyone!
• Reply #5 10/14/09  2:55pm
  
  QuackedUp
  I don't know, can't keep relationship longer than 6 months. I don't do well in them.

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