scubagirl1

I think I screwed up

Posted on 11/06/09, 09:36 pm

My children and I have been trying to passively agressively convince my husband to get a kitten for about 2 years. Well, he caved. Me, being the instant gratification person, had to start looking immediately. So, I went to the pound and found an adorable little girl who was already spayed and vaccinated for $60.00. Little longer hair, sweet as sugar.

I was supposed to wait until Christmas and have it be a gift for the children, but then got the go ahead to get it tonight. I wanted to, but I started getting anxious.... "It would make money a little tighter, It wont be for Christmas, It's a little too late at ngiht right now" Panic set in. I had to walk away from her.

I was so upset at myself for letting anxiety screw this up for me. My husband totatally could tell I was all worked up and it put a damper on a beautiful day together. And made what could have been a great evening into anxiety central.

Part of me feels like I made the right decision and part of me feels like yet, again, I am letting anxiety rule me. I know that only I can make that decision, what is best, but I hate my internal conflict. 1 xanax and 1 beer has helped me relax (I know, not the most therapeutic choice of coping) and now I don't know if I should go back and get her in the morning with the kids or wait... It's like I dont trust my differenciation between anxiety and valid concern.

Not really sure what I want you guys to tell me. But you guys always know what to say...

• Reply #1 11/06/09  9:44pm
  
  scubagirl1
  I know this seems petty, I'm sorry... But it is what it is. Perspective is not my strong point right now...
• Reply #2 11/06/09  9:53pm
  
  scubagirl1
  But I will say thank you to Judy! It was the pic of her kitten that I forwarded onto John with a pleeeeeaaaaase? attached that was the straw, lol. THanks juju.
• Reply #3 11/06/09  10:49pm
  
  mockingbird12
  This is how I see it. You wanted a kitten, and you wanted it FOR your family. You have valid concerns about getting this kitty right now. Note the word 'valid'. It is not only prudent, but it is necessary to evaluate your finances before....get that?....before getting this $60 bundle of fur home and realizing the costs don't end there. There is the Vet bills to keep this kitty maintained and parasite free...the food billl...the bedding and cuteness bill....all adds up.
  
  Oh, and you know what? Not every ounce of concern you have for things in this life have one scintilla of connection to your rape-related anxiety. Sometimes, it ain't about the rape. Sometimes it is about actual doubt that what you are about to do is the right thing...or the right time... I mean this in the kindest possible way, but you know that thing we call intuition? Maybe this was just you listening.
  
  9 million cats are born every year...there will be one when it's time. Just a thought scuba...:) Hmmmm, a kitty for Christmas...big red bow on a scrawny little neck....popping out of a stocking or a bow-tied box (with holes for air of course)...I can see it now...lovely family picture for a kitty named Holly...or Rudolph...or Vixen
• Reply #4 11/06/09  10:54pm
  
  mockingbird12
  Oh..and when my hubby caves on a thing I want....my radar goes up. Like, 'Great...now if anything goes wrong it'll all be on me and he'll be all ..."you had to have it"...and he'll be right'.
  
  
  yeah, if he is for it...but it wasn't his idea....any negative is owned by me. So, if you work this right, you can hold out until it is 'his' idea....'his' timing....and eventually 'his' fault, LOL!
• Reply #5 11/06/09  10:58pm
  
  scubagirl1
  Oh, the whole "his" idea will NEVER happen, lol. Like I said this took 2 years...
  
  But I think it wasn't the stress over it that upset me, it was the intensity of the stress that I mismanaged that it feels tied back to. That kinda stress always is. When I stand in Target, debating to buy something, I usually don't almost panic about when I'm evaluating if its a good idea or not.
  
  I'm going back for her in the am :)
• Reply #6 11/06/09  11:04pm
  
  finalytime
  Wait I say.
• Reply #7 11/06/09  11:11pm
  
  scubagirl1
  Ok, I'm good. Perspective returning, you guys are great. Guess I just needed to unload for a bit ;)
• Reply #8 11/07/09  2:07am
  
  Phoenix07
  Oh, visiting those animal shelters is always a heartbreaking experience so I'm not surprised you felt a little bit anxious.
  When the time's right (and the finances) I'm sure a kitten in need will turn up in your lives.
  
  Says me who's never really planned to have a cat, it always "just happened" - good job I'm not that much of a pushover with men, eh? ;)
• Reply #9 11/07/09  11:06am
  
  scubagirl1
  We talked, the finances are fine, and although he would NEVER, EVER admit it, I think he was a little bummed that I didn't come home with her. Guys can be so weird....
  
  So, I'm getting my neice to come watch the kids today and I'm going to go get her and the supplies. I have NOTHING else planned for 2 days (aside from leaving the house for church) so it's actually a good weekend to do this. I'm getting excited. Maybe going during my known peak anxiety time wasn't the best idea, either. Just thought of that.
  
  Hugs to all, thanks for never goffing, no matter how silly it seems :)
  
  
  Laura---- Judy said she looks just like Sassy :)
• Reply #10 11/07/09  2:17pm
  
  butterfly9
  Enjoy your new cat.. :)

Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After Rape." Diversity of topics is expected and encouraged!