I like the idea of the support letters, but I'd feel uncomfortable about them being published without the recipient's agreement.
Doesn't it make the idea seem much less personal if the victim later finds the same letter (or something very much like it) in a book?
Discussion Topic
Letters of Support to Survivor(s)
Posted on 11/01/09, 03:35 pm
Members of this group have suggested that we "rally" a show of support for the young teen in California whose gang rape made national news. The consensus was that the experience itself is traumatic enough, let alone having it featured on news every day. A suggestion was made that we collectively show support in a way that is dignified and classy, that wouldn't be embarrassing, and that demonstrated that as a group we have moved collectively to encourage and support her. So the idea was that we could write letters and send them to me to collect, and that I would bundle them and send them to the address that has been designated as a place to direct letters and donations.
The rationale was twofold: first, group members tended to feel that the positive impact would be greater if support came from a motivated group rather than individuals in isolated efforts, and that the group could be identified and traced back here to verify the authenticity of our support; and second, people preferred that letters be collected by me and remailed so that personal addresses are not divulged. My church has agreed to serve as a mail receipt address so that all letters remain safe/private with no addresses (including mine) being divulged at any point past my collection of the letters within.
I can see two possible achievements in this project. First, obviously, is that this young woman will receive incredible statements of support from you. But second, perhaps this project might even help ignite the "Letters to Survivors" manuscript that could be published as a way to provide this kind of support to MANY survivors, not just one. I want to be very cautious that this effort is not misusing a tragedy to promote our group, but that it is a sincere, heartfelt effort to do some good. If you feel that a book that collects such "letters to a survivor" would also be a positive outcome of this, I would like to combine these projects together. By far, peoples' favorite part of "RAR" are those letters, and I have long felt that a collection of these should be combined into an entire monograph. Personally, I think an inspirational book might be one small positive thing that could come from all of this.
Do you feel that this is a good idea? Would you like for letters of support for the victim in California to also help develop an inspirational "letters to survivors" book that could likewise encourage others as well, or would you feel that each should be a separate project? If you wanted to do both ("...with one stone"), it would mean that your letters should be written to as to encourage the young woman we want to help, but worded in such a way that ANY victim of sexual assault could potentially find comfort and wisdom if she were reading it, too.
Please tell me your thoughts, and if the group would like to do both things--support the California victim and add to a compilation of inspirational letters to ALL future survivors at the same time--I'll write more about how to move forward.
Your thoughts?
The rationale was twofold: first, group members tended to feel that the positive impact would be greater if support came from a motivated group rather than individuals in isolated efforts, and that the group could be identified and traced back here to verify the authenticity of our support; and second, people preferred that letters be collected by me and remailed so that personal addresses are not divulged. My church has agreed to serve as a mail receipt address so that all letters remain safe/private with no addresses (including mine) being divulged at any point past my collection of the letters within.
I can see two possible achievements in this project. First, obviously, is that this young woman will receive incredible statements of support from you. But second, perhaps this project might even help ignite the "Letters to Survivors" manuscript that could be published as a way to provide this kind of support to MANY survivors, not just one. I want to be very cautious that this effort is not misusing a tragedy to promote our group, but that it is a sincere, heartfelt effort to do some good. If you feel that a book that collects such "letters to a survivor" would also be a positive outcome of this, I would like to combine these projects together. By far, peoples' favorite part of "RAR" are those letters, and I have long felt that a collection of these should be combined into an entire monograph. Personally, I think an inspirational book might be one small positive thing that could come from all of this.
Do you feel that this is a good idea? Would you like for letters of support for the victim in California to also help develop an inspirational "letters to survivors" book that could likewise encourage others as well, or would you feel that each should be a separate project? If you wanted to do both ("...with one stone"), it would mean that your letters should be written to as to encourage the young woman we want to help, but worded in such a way that ANY victim of sexual assault could potentially find comfort and wisdom if she were reading it, too.
Please tell me your thoughts, and if the group would like to do both things--support the California victim and add to a compilation of inspirational letters to ALL future survivors at the same time--I'll write more about how to move forward.
Your thoughts?
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Reply #1 11/01/09 4:29pm
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Reply #2 11/01/09 4:30pm
I still think the post you wrote would be healing for her to read.
I also found this article the parents have made a statement calling for peace and not vengeance:
RICHMOND: FAMILY OF RICHMOND HIGH RAPE VICTIM ASKS COMMUNITY NOT TO SEEK REVENGE
RICHMOND (BCN)
The parents of a 15-year-old girl who was gang-raped outside Richmond High School's homecoming dance last weekend are asking the community to put vengeance aside and work to ensure that such a horrific crime doesn't repeat itself.
At a meeting for parents this morning at the high school, the Rev. Jim Wheeler, the family's pastor at First Presbyterian Church Richmond, read a statement from the victim's parents.
"Stop the violence," Wheeler read. "Please do not respond to this tragic event by promoting hatred or causing more pain."
The parents urged community members to take action in positive ways. "Volunteer at a school," they said. "Help a neighbor. Be courageous in speaking the truth and in holding people accountable."
"Work toward changing the atmosphere in our schools and in the community so that this kind of thing never happens again," Wheeler read. "Please do not let this happen again."
Before he read the statement, Wheeler told the audience, "You need to know that it comes from a father who was trained by the military to kill and a mother who has a mama tiger inside of her."
Police have said the girl was assaulted by between seven and 10 people the night of Oct. 24, while as many as a dozen others watched. The attack lasted more than two hours.
Wheeler was one of dozens of speakers who addressed a panel in the school's auditorium that included mental health workers, domestic violence prevention advocates and West Contra Costa Unified School District board member Antonio Medrano. About 200 people attended the meeting. Many wore headsets to listen to a Spanish translation of the speakers' comments.
Many speakers said they or their loved ones had been victims of violence at the high school or in the surrounding community.
One man's wife had been raped. Another woman had been raped herself and had given birth to a child who was murdered at age 15. One woman's younger brother, a Richmond High student, was killed two blocks from the family's home. All, though, emphasized the need to put anger aside and focus on forgiveness and addressing the root of the problem.
The Rev. Kamal Hassan, of Sojourner Truth Presbyterian Church, said he was friends with Deborah Ross, the toll collector who was gunned down at the Richmond-San Rafael Bridge in August along with her friend, Ersie "Chuck" Everette, by Ross' ex-boyfriend.
"My heart is broken again because of a serious act of violence against a woman," he said. "We have not learned to rightly value the bodies and lives of women."
"We need to begin to get at the souls of our young people that have been so wounded by living in a community in crisis," he said.
Miguel Cervantes, 20, graduated from Richmond High in 2007. He described for the panel today how his little brother, a Richmond High student, had been attacked and how his sister had to stop attending the school because she had been jumped too many times.
"It's an epidemic," Cervantes said. "It's Richmond. It's a virus to this community. It's like AIDS; it cannot be stopped - but it can be controlled."
Last weekend's assault occurred in a dark, secluded area of the school where the girl had joined a group of people drinking, police said.
One man who spoke today attended Richmond High in the 1970s and said that particular spot was just as isolated then as it is now. "We got away with everything right there in that same area ... more than 30 years ago."
School board member Medrano said there are plans to erect a fence around the area and to install 125 cameras throughout the school. The changes were approved by the school board's safety committee on Thursday and will be considered by the full board this week.
"The cameras are coming in and the fencing is coming in," he said. -
Reply #3 11/01/09 6:46pm
Here is a good idea that was suggested by one RAR member:
Instead of writing one letter to serve two purposes, would some be willing to write a letter to her personally, AND a separate letter to "future survivors"?
The "future survivors" letter intimidates most people ("I don't have anything worthy to say!"). I can help with that; I can give a lot of guidance for those who feel desirous but insecure. I'm really asking about willingness, not whether you feel 100% confident right this very moment. NOBODY has ever written a letter because they felt totally assertive and capable; it's been a struggle for anyone who's ever done it (and something nobody has ever regretted doing, either). So the question is just this: are you *willing* to contribute a letter to each cause, even if it means working beyond your "comfort zone?"
Based on interest, if there seems to be a "yes" consensus, I will suggest guidelines and helpful tips to assist in the process, and not simply say "ready, set, go!"
Just trying to help our group find a way to fight all this horror by producing something very positive, reverent, and inspirational for those who need it. It would, I believe, make many of us on RAR feel good to be part of it.
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Reply #4 11/01/09 6:51pm
I think that would be a better way to go about it, two seperate letters to each different cause. I would definately be willing to do that...I need to re-write my letter to future survivors anyway, it needs to evolve. But yes, i think that is a great idea. -
Reply #5 11/01/09 7:20pm
I would be willing :) -
Reply #6 11/01/09 8:14pm
I would think that a simple, direct, and sincere letter devoted to this girl in particular would make me feel better about this project. I would simply want to write what I would like to say to her. I have always liked the idea of combining letters to future survivors in a collection to be published together, but I agree with Phoenix, if she later read the same thing the 'specialness' of it would be affected, so individual letters seem to make the most sense to me.
Is there a deadline? -
Reply #7 11/01/09 8:26pm
Nope, but in the next week or two would be best. Let's preempt some stuck points, people! -
Reply #8 11/01/09 10:33pm
I like the idea of 2 individual letters as well.
Preempt huh? That sounds like it sucks...
BUT, in the spirit of things, I will be positive... We can do this everyone :) -
Reply #9 11/01/09 10:40pm
Keep in mind some possible stuck points that some of us could address:
-I was drinking
-I trusted my friend
-I willingly went out there with them
-I didn't fight hard enough (who knows if she fought at all. I'm guessing not?)
-It didn't look like rape or people would have gone for help
-I shouldn't have left the dance
-I should've read the signs better of what their intentions were
-I should've shouted
-I should've brought a girlfriend with me
(these were suggested to me by another RAR member).
I don't think we can somehow tackle all of these and "fix" them in letters, and that would be beyond the scope of this project, but it's good to keep in mind what this young woman's particular struggles might likely be. In my experience, advice is all but useless during the early victim stages; the ONLY input that has any effect is just pure unconditional acceptance and support from someone who really "gets it" from personal experience. -
Reply #10 11/01/09 10:45pm
Wow... those are REALLY good stuck points to work through. For her AND us... yeesh...
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