After my trip to the hospital, about two weeks ago, i began my path to recovery. I battled with anorexia for a few years, then bulimia with anorexic tendencies...all together, eight years. Since the hospital, i had two incidents. I threw up twice right after returning home. But since then...i have not had a moment where i want to throw up..because i know that i want this... I WANT RECOVERY! The biggest thing that i have a problem with, is the weight gain. It's been so long since i have actually gained weight...all i was doing was loosing it or staying the same. Now that i am seeing the weight gain...my mind wonders at times...wondering if this is going to change things. I am afraid...i am afraid my fiance won't like me anymore. I had problems when i was younger..i wasn't severely overweight or anything... but i was overweight and i was made fun of....I AM AFRAID THAT'S ALL GOING TO COME BACK TO HAUNT ME! I don't understand why i am so scared, because there are moments when all i want to do is gain the weight because then i will know that i am becoming healthier and stronger. It takes me on a rollercoaster of emotions, and messes with my nerves. I just wish i wasn't so scared.