Discussion Topic

Celebrating an anniversary after the affair...

Posted on 06/04/08, 04:12 am
I already posted this in the "Advice" section of the Infidelity discussion (I apologize if you've already read it), but I thought, since my question deals with a wedding anniversary, that it might be more appropriately placed in this group:

My husband had two sexual and emotional affairs about a year ago, which I very recently discovered. After many discussions, we're both committed to working on our relationship, but lately we've been spending most of our time fighting. The past few days have been encouraging, but we're still at that point in the healing process where every week or so we regress into hurt and anger again.

Next Wednesday is our third wedding anniversary and I'm really confused about how to celebrate. In the past, I've always organized something special and purchased a thoughtful gift, but I'm not sure what to do this year.

If you've just recently discovered the affair(s) and are still coping with the aftershocks, how do you celebrate a wedding anniversary? When you feel like the marriage hasn't been honored by your partner, can you celebrate at all?

Thanks so much for reading...
Showing 5 Replies
  • Reply #1 06/04/08  8:20am
    No, this is not the time to "celebrate". But it might be the time reach out to each other with an open honest discussion.
  • Reply #2 06/04/08  8:25am
    I'm coming up to our anniversary too. It's our first since D-day(Oct 07). I know from reading past post some tend to just let it go for now and others try to make it special. I think you have to do what you are comfortable with and go from there. Do you feel like celebrating your marriage now? I have heard others doing re-commitment ceremonies or renewing of vows and celebrating those days instead. I can say for me there won't be any of those. I have a feeling we are going to let this one slide this year and maybe celebrate another time. Right now we are just trying to get through each day.
  • Reply #3 06/04/08  10:01am
    My husband & I are trying to work on our marriage. June 10th will be our 17year wedding anniversary. I really don't see much going on there. I can't even wear my wedding band, how am I gonna celebrate my marriage which was a sham? June 28th will be my 1 year anniversary of finding out about my husband's 3 affairs. For some reason that date has more meaning to me.
  • Reply #4 06/04/08  10:33am
    our 18th anniversary was about 2 months after i caught my H and the OW together. while i wasn't anxious to "celebrate" i did look at it as a real gift that we were actually together with our children. there were no gifts. we enjoyed a quiet dinner at home with our kids - at the time, it was enough.
  • Reply #5 06/04/08  2:54pm
    Thank you all for your comments. There are days when I feel like celebrating, but others when that's the last thing I'd like to do. I'm happy that he's finally been honest with me, but like many of you, I look at our marriage very differently.

    I guess I'll purchase the gift I know he'd like, wrap it, set it aside, and see what happens. I'm hoping that he'll do something--but after reading your posts, I don't think I'll be the one to initiate anything. We are still together which is a triumph, but I think it was more my own than his...

    Again, I really appreciate your input.


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