Discussion Topic
Personal message--maybe it can help.
Posted on 05/06/09, 02:23 pm
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
A sharing story... to learn to let others in.
Wow, I could write a book on how I choose to keep others out. But my journey is taking me into a life of community not isolation. I have taken my weight to be around 450 lbs. What a massive amount of anger, distrust, hurt, depression, self-destruction, loneliness, and self denial, I carried. To beat this weight thing I tried everything external that was out. All types of diets and exercise to end up bigger in the long run. I even started to think about by-pass surgery until in my research I found that the weight was going back on most of the people who had the surgery, so I did not try this method. But I knew the problem was inside of me NOT on the outside. I knew I had to be willing to face the monster that lived in me and try to make friends with her. You know I didn't find a monster within, I found a hurt, scared, little baby. Someone who felt totally alone and totally unloved. I took that little baby in my arms and I have been nurturing her ever since. She is not a bad person in fact she has a warm, loving, giving heart, and the issues she carries were not her own, they were issues dumped on her by others. In fact she was lost and lonely because she didn't know who she really was or meant to be, she was the shadow of other opinions and desires for her. So in her attempt to live as others wanted her to live and be want they wanted her to be, she couldn't make others happy or possibly like/love her, she failed again and again. All of this reinforced her inner fears of not being good enough.
I have discovered that my victory with food was in finding that innocent little baby, and making her my best friend.
So I leave with this thought of the day. If you want to break free from overeating, start with the innocent baby within. She needs your love and support.
Life Coah Annie, CEC, AELC
A sharing story... to learn to let others in.
Wow, I could write a book on how I choose to keep others out. But my journey is taking me into a life of community not isolation. I have taken my weight to be around 450 lbs. What a massive amount of anger, distrust, hurt, depression, self-destruction, loneliness, and self denial, I carried. To beat this weight thing I tried everything external that was out. All types of diets and exercise to end up bigger in the long run. I even started to think about by-pass surgery until in my research I found that the weight was going back on most of the people who had the surgery, so I did not try this method. But I knew the problem was inside of me NOT on the outside. I knew I had to be willing to face the monster that lived in me and try to make friends with her. You know I didn't find a monster within, I found a hurt, scared, little baby. Someone who felt totally alone and totally unloved. I took that little baby in my arms and I have been nurturing her ever since. She is not a bad person in fact she has a warm, loving, giving heart, and the issues she carries were not her own, they were issues dumped on her by others. In fact she was lost and lonely because she didn't know who she really was or meant to be, she was the shadow of other opinions and desires for her. So in her attempt to live as others wanted her to live and be want they wanted her to be, she couldn't make others happy or possibly like/love her, she failed again and again. All of this reinforced her inner fears of not being good enough.
I have discovered that my victory with food was in finding that innocent little baby, and making her my best friend.
So I leave with this thought of the day. If you want to break free from overeating, start with the innocent baby within. She needs your love and support.
Life Coah Annie, CEC, AELC
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Reply #1 05/09/09 1:19pm
Wonderful sentiment - I was almost in tears. -
Reply #2 05/14/09 5:49pm
Your story hit a nerve with me.
4 years ago I was in the zone of self love and shead an amazing 30kgs. I was in a job I loved and felt valued in my position. Since then I've had bub #3. I am now a stay at home Mum who is studying to take a new career path. The journey will be a long one and the future is unclear. Thus, I have not been able to shake the 15kgs I regained during pregnancy.
I have been reading "You can heal your life" by L. Hays. And have been trying to work out why it is that I sabbotage my own sucess and 'protect' myself with the extra kilos. Just this morning (before reading your post), I had the epiphany that it it all comes down to my lack of self confidence.
Whilst I know I'm a good person and do plenty to inspire others, I am always hard on myself and constantly chastise and question myself.Holding onto this weight allows me a buffer between myself and my true emotions. Whilst in a sense I feel I'm being gentle on myself by allowing the weight to stay, I inadvertantly leave myself open to more feelings of self condemnation.
I need to rise above my self doubt and embrace that inner child of mine with the same love and compassion I readily lavish on others. Thank you for your support :-) -
Reply #3 05/16/09 3:19pm
Very good. I can relate. I may pass this on.
BW -
Reply #4 05/17/09 12:58pm
** I knew I had to be willing to face the monster that lived in me and try to make friends with her. You know I didn't find a monster within, I found a hurt, scared, little baby. Someone who felt totally alone and totally unloved.
==Not sure why this particular paragraph grabbed me but I do seem to relate. I just had an intense, anger outburst Fri. night. Sure, it's PMS related and the fact I'm coming off valium and have cut my calories but wow this anger stayed with me until I went to sleep last night and now I just feel terribly sad.
**She is not a bad person in fact she has a warm, loving, giving heart, and the issues she carries were not her own, they were issues dumped on her by others.
==Hard times these days.
BW -
Reply #5 07/12/09 3:10pm
Thanks so much for the post! -
Reply #6 08/13/09 10:26pm
wow, that will make you think twice about beating yourself up huh??
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