Discussion Topic
How Resenting the Past Ruins Your Present and How to Overcome it.
Posted on 02/02/09, 12:00 pm
How Resenting the Past Ruins Your Present -- and How to Overcome It
At some point in your life, a dark cloud likely passed through your life. Perhaps you were abused as a child or felt that your older sibling got all the attention. Or maybe your marriage was torn apart by infidelity or your close friend stabbed you in the back (figuratively, we hope). Understandably, you may still feel upset that these things occurred. You may even still feel the pain acutely, as though the wound is still fresh. But here is something you may not have considered: The more you resent the past the more you constantly relive the very experience that you resent the most, and the more you tend to recreate them in your current relationships. Resentment is, in effect, akin to keeping yourself in emotional prison. Your identifying with the hurtful event keeps you in a perpetual victim state, one that will not allow you to shake the pain. Instead, the more you focus on resenting something, the tighter that something will cling, like a monkey, to your back. Meanwhile, while you are so busy directing your precious energy to generate continuous feelings of bitterness and antipathy, you are missing out big time on your life right now. You should be living in the now While you, of course, can have memories of the past and anticipation of the future, when do you actually experience this memory and anticipation? Thatâ??s right -- now. Yet, if you hold on to resentment, your NOW will be clouded with those negative feelings. And thatâ??s not fair to you. The best way to proceed with any past resentment is to let go of wanting to change the past or get even in any way. This does not mean you are condoning what happened. It simply means that you are letting go and moving on with your life. By letting go you free yourself to simply notice what is actually here now as opposed to living in regret about what might have been. The more you let go the more you discover that life only happens now. In fact, now is all there is.
At some point in your life, a dark cloud likely passed through your life. Perhaps you were abused as a child or felt that your older sibling got all the attention. Or maybe your marriage was torn apart by infidelity or your close friend stabbed you in the back (figuratively, we hope). Understandably, you may still feel upset that these things occurred. You may even still feel the pain acutely, as though the wound is still fresh. But here is something you may not have considered: The more you resent the past the more you constantly relive the very experience that you resent the most, and the more you tend to recreate them in your current relationships. Resentment is, in effect, akin to keeping yourself in emotional prison. Your identifying with the hurtful event keeps you in a perpetual victim state, one that will not allow you to shake the pain. Instead, the more you focus on resenting something, the tighter that something will cling, like a monkey, to your back. Meanwhile, while you are so busy directing your precious energy to generate continuous feelings of bitterness and antipathy, you are missing out big time on your life right now. You should be living in the now While you, of course, can have memories of the past and anticipation of the future, when do you actually experience this memory and anticipation? Thatâ??s right -- now. Yet, if you hold on to resentment, your NOW will be clouded with those negative feelings. And thatâ??s not fair to you. The best way to proceed with any past resentment is to let go of wanting to change the past or get even in any way. This does not mean you are condoning what happened. It simply means that you are letting go and moving on with your life. By letting go you free yourself to simply notice what is actually here now as opposed to living in regret about what might have been. The more you let go the more you discover that life only happens now. In fact, now is all there is.
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Reply #1 02/03/09 6:38am
So true - thanks for the post! -
Reply #2 02/06/09 9:32am
Beautiful,my daughter truly needs to read this! -
Reply #3 02/11/09 7:29am
This is lovely ... and true. And, this connects to my weight problems. I tend to "eat my anger" when I feel resentful. Emotional eating is a big problem for me. -
Reply #4 03/20/09 11:09am
This is very true even in the aspect of our weight. We can stop ourselves from achieving our goals today because of yesterdays past. Like eating too much ham in one day! Or an ice cream treat that you got though was not a large, you could have skipped it. We can handcuff ourselves to perpetual failure that keeps dominoing our life. And submarining our goals and our endeavors to overcome our wrong thinking that helped us gain all the weight to begin with.
So resent not the past............................ LET IT GO FOREVER DO NOT PICK IT UP AGAIN!
GOOD TOPIC!
Our feelings do tie into our food, exercise and self esteem issues.
So boot that past resentments out that door!
Love you all! I am back and feeling pretty good! I missed you all! Tremendously!
Been working out and watching what I eat. Upping the level of workout and all around activity. I have thought of you all many times....just needed time....to adjust to my mothers death and several injuries over the last months.
Those of you who know my situation. My son is doing very well. Which is the biggest blessing I have had other than finding DS in the last 2 yrs.
Consistently balance our lives and most kinks will work out!
Love you all!
Rhea
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Reply #5 05/17/09 1:01pm
This is good also. Another, I can relate with.
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