Jenna518

Frustrated

Posted on 03/03/09, 05:34 pm

Since my Mom passed away, TJ has been very moody and hard to deal with. I am thinking a big part of it is because of him losing his Grandma, even though he doesn't say it.

Today. his math teacher told me she got upset with him, because he was just sitting there smelling markers and not doing anything. She is going to give him a tutor to work with him in math. TJ came home crying, because he thought I would be mad at him.

I don't know what to do! I really think I need to get him officially diagnosed to get him more help at school, but my husband is against it. He just doesn't want us to have problems with getting health insurance for our son if we ever have to switch. Autism is uninsurable, and we had a hard time getting us new health insurance last year because of past health probs I had that they said was uninsurable.

I am thinking of homeschooling next year, but I am not sure I could handle it, I might have a hard time getting him to focus. What do you all think?
Jenn

• Reply #1 03/03/09  9:35pm
  
  Jenna518
  Thanks Melody!
  
  I think a big part of it is his grieving, and I think I am having a hard time dealing with it because of my grief too. I am trying to be stronger for him. His teacher did say she is getting him a tutor, which is what I wish they would have done in the first place. He needed this months ago in my opinion.
  
  I think he does a lot better with one on one with a teacher or tutor instead of a small group. I did work with him a little tonight on his multiplication. But he complained after only a few problems. Is laziness normal for autistic kids? For the last couple of years, it seems like he is. He would rather do stuff (don't we all) he wants to do, then stuff he needs to do. He complains about almost everything, like when he needs to bathe himself, do homework or read.
  
  I agree that he does need to learn to socialize, it's just hard when he is afraid of other people's germs. I tried a social story which worked for awhile, now it is not helping much. He is just so obsessed and overwhelmed with the fear of germs, I don't know how to get him to think differently. It's frustrating when I don't know what will help him heal from this fear.
  
  Thanks!
  Jenn
• Reply #2 03/07/09  9:53am
  
  jewelsgem2
  Jenna I hear you about the insurance. We had a problem too with all of my past history and my daughters. I do know that having EI for my son has been a God Sent!!!! He was diagnosed in September with PDD-NOS. This has helped him get into the Early Childhood Preschool program with out school district. A bill was passed in December here in Illinois that insurance has to help with Autism. Obviously, we had him diagnosed before that because we just didn't care. We needed to get him help and we would figure it out later. Home schooling may be the way to go for you if you can't get him dx. Look into your state programs see what you have there. You might be surprised. If you can't find any help. Use the boards here.... we are a wealth of information.
  
  I do thing your little angel is grieving as you are. Have you talked to him since gramma's passing. Maybe he has more questions and doesn't know how to ask. Feel him out. You can cry together that is o.k. too. Let him know that the crying doesn't need to be over yet. We all grieve in our own time. Maybe make a picture album with him of picture of gramma it could be healing for both of you.
  
  Big hugs Honey!
• Reply #3 03/09/09  2:16pm
  
  Jenna518
  We have talked a little about his grandma, but we are going to talk more tonight. Since she passed away, every little change in his life bothers him. The last week it has gotten much worse. Yesterday for example... I inherited my Mom's piano, and we needed 3 extra men to come help us get it into the house.
  
  I told TJ beforehand, and he freaked out! He was afraid of their germs, even though he knows these people. This germaphobia has also gotten worse, and I don't know what to do about it! He freaks out at just about everything now!
  
  I am so frustrated today, I don't know what to do to help him. The social story we have, no longer helps him. He is just so focused on germs and other things, that I don't know what to do! He can't seem to stop thinking about it. Does anyone have any suggestions for me?
  
  Jenn
• Reply #4 03/09/09  2:17pm
  
  Jenna518
  Also, I would like to get my son officially diagnosed, but my husband is against it and I don't know what to do!
  
  Jenn
• Reply #5 03/09/09  9:35pm
  
  xxxxAngelxxxx
  what is his reasons on why he is against it?
• Reply #6 03/10/09  3:40pm
  
  Jenna518
  Well, we have had a lot of bad experiences with doctors who screwed up my health and medical records, so it's mostly a trust issue. And then there is the insurance issue where when our son is grown up, he might not be able to get any insurance due to his disability and then he won't be able to get help. We will have the money to get him diagnosed within the next few weeks (I inherited some money after my Mom passed away), so if it weren't for these issues then there wouldn't be a problem.
  
  So, that is where I am at right now. But things continue to get worse for TJ, and I feel like my hands are tied right now, and I don't know what to do. I hate seeing him suffer like this.
  
  Jenn
• Reply #7 03/11/09  9:12am
  
  jewelsgem2
  It is hard when you and hubby disagree on getting him diagnosed. I understand your concern about when he is older. Honestly, laws are changing every day so thinking that far in advance my not be productive for you. When we decided to go get a diagnosis we kept weighing the pro's and con's. The pro's always out weighted the con's. I'm sure you and hubby want the best for your son and help earlier, is always, in my mind, better then later. You can see how things are getting worse at the moment since things are off in his world. Talk to your hubby, I'm sure you can come to an agreement. Big Hugs to you.
• Reply #8 03/11/09  11:41am
  
  Olismom
  I have to tell you that my hubby doesn't know that our 10 year old was evaluated and dx ADD in second grade. I just get the school to do it with my own signature and did not tell him more that he needed to know..
  
  Have the child find/school district do it for free. It is the law they are required to do it.
  
  Good luck.
• Reply #9 03/19/09  12:02am
  
  BlueBird33
  hi,Jenn,wont the school do testing on your son,my son was in pubil school,he has all special classes,hope things work out for you,bluebird
• Reply #10 03/19/09  1:12pm
  
  Jenna518
  It's funny you guys said this, I was thinking about it the other day because at the beginning of the school year, they told me they could test him if the teacher thought he needed it. And lately, with how stressed TJ has been over germs, I am thinking about medication.
  
  I just ran into the school counselor at Walmart a few minutes ago, and she was asking me how I felt TJ was doing. So we got to talking, and I asked her if she thinks Travis shows signs of mild Autism, she said she didn't know, but that we could test him for it at the school and she would look into it for me.
  
  I told her I would like to get it done so that if I take TJ to the doctor I can show him the results. Doctor's like things like that. I had another question. Have any of you medicated your child? And if so, are there many side effects? Has medication helped with anxieties? My main concern is side effects because of what I have gone through myself with taking meds.
  
  Thanks!
  Jenn

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