Group News

the last three days i have been having problems with my ibs. my body does not like the positive changes i him trying to make in my life. ibs is made worse by stress and making positive changes in ones life but one under great stress. i haven't been able to go out of my apartment since thursday i have to stick close to the bathroom. it is frustrating but i him not going to give up it can't less for ever. i know it will stop and i will be able to get out again. when i was isolating their was no stress because i wasn't doing anything positive. i wounder if other peoples body acts up with some kind of phyical diesage because of stress that keeps one from making positive changes in their lifes. it will be nice to hear from you that you understand what stress can do to a body.

i didn't full asleep untill early morning my brind was racing. when i finally fell asleep i had a nightmare i was back in vietnam on my spy ship the uss maddox. we were helping the marines we were close to shore we were crawling along the deck with five inch shells. missles and bullets going over us one idiot stood up i hell and scream at him get done you bastard before you get us all killed. the other ships didn't think we would make it out alive the captain of the ship got a silver star for that battle the rest of us were given the combat action ribbon. this was one of the most scaries battle and one that i dream about the most. i hate nightmares and i fill safe talking about it hear because all of you understand nightmares no matter what your ptsd came from ptsd is ptsd and nightmares are nightmares. i just had to get this out tonight i woke up and it took me awahile to realized that i was not on that ship anymore. a car backfiring or any kind of noise going off i jump. i use to love to hunt when i was a kid since i came back from vietnam i no longer can do that. i didn't dream about this last night but the next most common dream is when the captain went on shore we were anchored off shore the captain meet with the marines to see where they need gun support i was put on a patrol boat to protect are ship. little boats went close to are ship i was order to point my machine gun at woman and children. they were told to get away from the ship or we would blow them out of the water. if i would have been given the order i have no doubt that i would have done it. that bothers me i was raised that i would point a gun at woman and children but i did. i know i will never be free of these nightmares but i know no one will judge me hear because we all have terrible nightmares and flashbacks from the hell we all went thou.

i had a great time at my aa meeting we went out and eat mexican food tonight after the meeting. my sponsor wants me to go to a meeting tommorrow morning and than in the evening. he wants me to go sunday, monday,and tuesday evening. that was the amount of meeting i attend when i was doing good with my ptsd. so i need to do what my sponsor says go and swim in the morning three times a week. that will be six aa meetings a week again because i do two on saturday. i him gsr of my group and i need to go their once a month because that is are groups vote on how the money that goes to the district is spent. i have been neglacting my duties if i do all this i know that the va doctor is right their will be no need to go to topeka kansas for three months. i fell 100 pecent better after spending so much time out of my apartment today. i got grocies and put them away i think i will play a game on my computer and go to bed so i can make that meeting in the morning that i promise my sponsor that i would attend. i hope some one reports me again if i start isolating again and hating myself. i know that you with ptsd understand isolating and hating yourself and wishing you were dead. thank god he bought me out of it. my va doctor told me to get off my dead ass and go to aa,my ptsd group on thursday ,and one on one counsling and i would do good again. i just need to share this good news with you.