To everyone looking in he is the sweetest, good looking, quiet guy who would do anything for you and that's what I thought of him in the beginning aswell. I couldn't believe that this amazing guy liked me I'm sure he knew this so that gave him all the power right from the start. After a few months of him being so attentive (moreso than normal really) I made it obvious that I wanted a committed relationship with him but he quickly told me he had a really bad break up with a horrible person that he "treated like a queen" and after that he was not ready to commit to someone else.

I felt sorry for him but said I needed someone who liked me enough to commit so we should end things, we stopped talking for a few weeks and he came back in constant contact again so I thought he missed me and wanted something afterall, we went on dates and eventually slept together and the following week I saw him kissing some stranger in a club. I got so mad at him and he told me that I shouldn't bother with him because he's a really angry person and that I will get the brunt of it. Again we stopped talking for about 2 weeks and then he came back and I would have missed him and forgotten how much he hurt me and be fooled back into being involved with him again.

We got back in contact and I noticed his moods began to rapidly change even mid conversation with no provocation and the very minute we bagan to get a bit too close for his comfort he would pick a fight or do something to hurt me (such as kissing random strangers on nights out) to push me as far away as possible. I later asked him why he does this (me being naive I thought it was genuinely that he didn't trust someone after his ex, but now I know it's nothing to do with that) and he had had a few drinks so was completely honest and said "because it gives me the power and I'm the boss", he also told me I was too quiet for him and made it really easy for him to talk me down. I asked why would you want to talk me down? and he just replied ah you don't get it and changed the subject. Again we stoped talking and he would come back around again and again and I kept going with it for some reason.

Once we were back talking he would keep in constant contact, especially if I was away so he could keep me thinking of him I'm sure and if we were out in the same places he would be with in viewing distance of me at all times and stare at me until I caught him and then he would look away. If he saw me speaking to another guy he would he would either come up to me and stand inbetween us or bump off me to make sure I knew he could see. He asked me to move in with him, I resisted for a long time then when I finally agreed to give it a try he changed his mind. He once told me he kicked his cousin so hard and he had a huge smile oh his face, I asked why he would do that and he said he didn't know but it was brilliant and he couldn't wipe the smile off of his face.

Writing all this out it seems so crazy that I put up with this for 2 years but somehow I was addicted to the hot and cold cycle and I couldn't wait for the time when he would come crawling back and he would make me feel even better everytime. I felt we had such strong chemistry too, I never remember being so physically attracted to anyone but I'm sure this was all part of his control over me.

About a month ago I decided to sleep with him again (stupid I know!) I knew nothing would come of it but fooled myself into thinking I could have some fun with him without getting too emotionally involved. We had a nice time together but he wasn't as warm or attentive as he was the first time. The following week we were out in the same club, he followed my friend around the club saying he wanted to look after her cause she had a few drinks, trying to put his arm around her and she kept pushing him off. We decided to walk to the restaurant and he said "oh no (insert my name) wouldn't be able to walk it" I asked what that was supposed to mean? and he said oh i was just concerned cause you're wearing high heels! He then kept saying we had to catch up with the others and to walk faster I said I couldn't and asked did he not want to be alone with me and he replied "oh shut up" and then I got upset to which he said "why are you upset it's not like we're going out together or anything" and he proceeded to pull me by the arm up the road!

Finally 2 weeks ago I told him I had had enough and that he should either treat me properly and commit or to to leave me alone. He pretended he didn't care and said he still wasn't ready for a relationship but that it was fine and he was going to be away for a few weeks anyway. Then this week started texting me constantly again being so nice, he found out I recently lost my job and was giving me numbers of people to ring and asking if he could do anything. Then this weekend I decided to make contact which I didn't usually do but I sent him a text message asking if he was going to be out this weekend and he replied "no I'm going to my girlfriends house, how're you?" I'm completely crushed now I feel I've wasted 2 whole years of my life on him, thinking he would always be there and deep down he really must have liked me since he kept coming back stronger than ever. Now I know it was all about control and when he started to lose that control he needed to find someone else but I still feel so empty and I'm still watching my phone hoping he'll contact me. I don't understand it! I wonder if he will be a completely different person to her since they're not committed?

Any advice would be appreciated, sorry it was so long!