How do I respect an abusive parent? When I was younger, I was the "punching bag" as well as many other things for her and got no respect or affection in return.
Today I "respect" her by not speaking to her (for the last 5-6 years). She is dead to me even if I didn't have the will to actually kill her.
The only time I begin to doubt how good this ended up being for me is during Holiday Season where family gatherings are the norm to those that are in "good" families or "posing as good" families. It is during these times I feel lonely, as I am sure, others in my place feel. I wish we, those without families, could somehow come together and become each others family.... share cooking and eating a feast... share movies and football and talking and shopping and tree decorating and church/other religious gathering...all of the "Hallmark Moments" that are to make families bond together.
What does everyone think of this?
Discussion Topic
How do we respect an abusive parent?
Posted on 08/26/09, 01:49 pm
"From discussions I have heard, I gather most foks would agree that a child should not steal or kill when a parent tells him/her to do so. What they do not seem to understand, is that the child also should not accept wrong-doing from the parent that is aimed at him/herself. This goes beyond rape and incest. It's in the groping and mean-spirited pinches of the buttocks, (having nothing to do with punishment or correction) in the wrongful chewing-out, the put-downs, the name-calling. These are very common behaviors from abusers. Yet they are not acknowledged, and the children are given no "right" to protect themselves. It appears according to church teaching and the silence on this subject, that children's "obedience" includes doing the will of the abusive parent, which means the child is to be available for the abusive parent to mistreat, speak ill of unjustly, basically to be the parent's punching bag either physically or non-physically, and sometimes both." - Author Unknown
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Reply #1 09/12/09 2:22pm
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Reply #2 09/14/09 12:20pm
This is exactly what i do with my family of choice. I have made my own holiday traditions. -
Reply #3 09/19/09 3:26pm
I don't. Better to be alone. I gave my father every opportunity to apologize, but blindness was his specialty. -
Reply #4 09/20/09 6:21am
Thank God, my parents were always loving and nurturing towards me, and my siblings. But I do feel empathy for children who experience any type of abuse growing up....it's really inexcusable.
Sabrina -
Reply #5 09/21/09 9:54am
I gave my father and sister both these opportunties and expressed in writing I had a deep desire to be closer to them and heal from the past. Every attempt I made was also in turn used to deny everything that happened and even say that I had not experienced any abuse except, "not wanting to do the dishes." -
Reply #6 10/09/09 10:35pm
wait pinching that has nothing to with punishment? when should it? thats not punishment in my mind thats abuse. not trying to attack anyone here, just saw somethiong that struck a chord with me. i used to get spanked so hard i got bruises all over my legs, but it was 'punishment' so this statement jumps out at me. joe. -
Reply #7 10/14/09 4:10am
It's still hard to trust - even on an anonymous internet support site.
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Reply #8 11/19/09 9:02am
oh my god,i first want to say thank you so very much for someone acknoliging that its not always a partner to be abusive.im sorry im crying to hard right now to go on -
Reply #9 11/19/09 9:40am
It can be anyone, a boss, a parent, a child.... a friend.... anyone can be abusive its part of learned behavioral patterns and a sense of moral values as to what an abuser thinks is acceptable. It is NEVER ok to be treated this way. NEVER.
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