pkin32904

Thank you

Posted on 06/30/12, 09:31 pm

My thanks to all who post on this site. I have found out in march my mid 20 year old daughter was assaulted when where who I don't know she won't get counseling. She has taken up recently with a man with 5kids 3 marriages ans no job skills. She lives thousands of miles away. We used to talk 2to 3xs a day but she wont talk to me she blames me for what who knows I thought she was just busy. She doesnt speak like my daughter she says she has ptsd She is nasty where she was once full of grace. I lost my best friend and daughter. I tried to get her help but she won't go. I tried to tell her about online resources but no. I found a counsellor who will Skype but no. Now she wont even speak to me. She is broken she doesn't call send a mothers day card or birthday card. She still talks to her dad about work but never asks about me. I think you are all so strong I cannot even go out anymore. I called the Hotlines but there are no groups for parents. went to my local women's center no groups in my area. Thank you all for your posts the tunnel is dark but I will now get the book mentioned Invisible heroes and cd. I miss my child and hope that all your children become well and strong.

• Reply #1 07/01/12  6:08pm
  
  Warriormama
  I know you feel helpless to help your daughter. Pray for her and get yourself into counseling. Being her mother you are a secondary victim and you need healing also. When my daughter was really struggling I just kept going to counseling and going to my women's sexual assault group meetings ( they will welcome family members of victims also). My daughter learned from watching me that she could get better too.
  
  When your daugther hears or sees you upset it sends the message that neither of you can heal. NOT TRUE! Get help and healing so that when she does reach out for help someday ( and I believe that she will) You will be able to help her because you helped yourself first. You can do this, you are a survivor just like your daughter! Blessing to you, Laura
• Reply #2 07/02/12  1:23pm
  
  Warriormama
  I forgot to include in my post the group RAINN 1.800.656.HOPE. They could help you find a group.
  
  Laura
• Reply #3 07/03/12  10:30am
  
  pkin32904
  To warriormama. Thanks I will try again I contacted Rainn when I found out but have yet to be able to find a group for a parent . I also contacted the states attorneys office in my state not hers and they were fabulous all resources were emailed within 5 minutes but still Can't find a group for me lots of options for my daughter even though she lives thousands of miles away but as I stated before she won't take them. Private counseling well that doesn't take into consideration other child commitments like university payments. BUT believe me IM NOT complaining. For the first 2 mos I woke up time after time during the night with chest pain and racing heart this has eased off some getting a few hours of sleep now so IM grateful. I read these posts and realize how strong people have to be. I lost my parents at 14 was alone but still feel some what blessed when I read theses posts . That is why I will never give up on my daughter she doesn't understand that I would save her instead of me without question.
• Reply #4 07/03/12  5:16pm
  
  Warriormama
  Yes, you ARE A HERO! And very, very strong! You can go to the women's sexual assault groups without being a sexaul assault victim yourself. Your daughter is and they welcome family members of victims with open arms. They are so understanding. It would be a place where you could get unending support.
  
  HUGS
• Reply #5 07/05/12  2:03am
  
  oceanbluze
  What is that book you said, Invisible heroes? I could use a good book on support and strength right now. All my friends are shallow and have no meaning to the word pain. I pray for one strong girlfriend who is just there. Not for selfish reasons(them) but a mutual friendship. I live in Orange County and finding real people is very difficult. As though I have no problems of my own they always talk about themselves. Hello! Like my life has not been in crisis for the past three years. I'm surrounded by people so why do I feel so lonely?
• Reply #6 07/05/12  12:38pm
  
  Warriormama
  Oceanbluze- The women on this site have been my only strong girlfriends. You might try a women's support group for rape victims. Because your children were victims of sexual assualt that makes you a secondary victim. I have found so much support from them. There are several mothers that attend with their daughters.
  
  I know just what you mean...it is hard to relate to all the petty stuff other people think is such a big deal! The few friends that I have shared with have never brought it up again. Sexual abuse is very isolating -people just don't want to talk about it and there is little to none support for us.
  
  The book Invisible Heroes is about people who have experienced trauma in their lives. I don't think you have to have PTSD to benefit from reading it. The book is by Belleruth Naparstek. You could get it at the library or online at amazon. It helped me understand what I and my daughter have gone thru. I believe that any parent who experiences CSA has felt some form of trauma. I am sure you would benefit from it.
• Reply #7 07/06/12  12:19am
  
  oceanbluze
  Thanks, I'm sure I would. Yes, child abuse is like a taboo uncomfortable subject, everyone knows about it but no one talks about it. My friends biggest worry in the world is if someone's gonna cover her shift at work or not so she can lay out by the pool. Or telling me about a divorce from hell, which I get, but never asking how I am doing, or people telling me you have no idea what I've been dealing with....and like you said, the petty stuff. It's like ridiculous. I come here because people actually can relate to my situation. I don't feel so alone in here.
• Reply #8 07/06/12  10:48am
  
  pkin32904
  Oceanbluze there are good people out there unfortunately it takes a very long time to find them. This site has been a lifesaver for me too a rock to hold onto. This site is probably better for you than trying to get empathy from your friends anyway. Remember there are all levels of friendship. Keep those to go out to coffee or lunch with. I hope you go to a support group and find someone you can share with face to face my thoughts are with you

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !