oceanbluze

I'm ready

Posted on 06/20/12, 12:16 pm

I am finally ready to let go of some of the anger. I will have the memories forever as will my children. Yesterday was court and they cut his child support monthly payment more than in half. He doesn't pay anyways and owes 12,000. So that news really didn't affect me. He was crying literally crying in court saying it was still too high, I'm like why are you crying your a bleeping rapist and got off Scott free. The da never took the case. He spent the whole trial painting me as delusional even though my kids gave statements of specific detail on the sexual acts he committed, they told police, cps and the court evaluator, all they do is continue to ask me if I am working if I am in therapy. They deny all the facts and make it about me. I am beyond sick and I know the situation is helpless. I am ready to move forward and tired of fighting. The court issues is a losing battle but I realize that we have won the battle of knowing what he did and my kids are well aware of their abuser and what has been done to them. He will have to live with that. Probably continue abusing since he seems to have no consequences by the court system. I have been at my current job for 6 years. I work 30 hours a week, raise three kids and I am a full time student getting my social work degree. Yet every time in court, his attny is like are you still unemployed. I'm like,explaining how I was never unemployed, are you seeking more hours? I have brought in so many documents every time. I'm exhausted. I just want to move on with my life. I've been so string for so long, I'm over it. He has to live with the guilt and the distance of emotions, as s kids are court ordered to see him twice a week and can not stand him. This breaks my soul. I just want to move on, and I am shifting my focus away from him. He is dead to me! I am not a rapist and I have had to live my life in fear, he is a stalker and brings every thing to court. I'm don't with him. If they can't arrest him for being a sick rapist of children, then I am not worried about any dirt he wants to dig up on me. Like having a drink at age 35 at my birthday. He stole pictures from my hard rive of my 35 birthday drinking a beer. Incest is illegal, beer is not. If they can't punish him, they have nothing on me. I'm tired of being a prisoner of anger and vengeance, and stalking. ....I'm letting go and moving on with my life. Pray for the future victims the courts failed to protect from him.

• Reply #1 06/20/12  3:32pm
  
  Warriormama
  You are amazing! THANK GOD your children have a mother like you. The frustration is beyond anything imaginable when you can't get justice! I know the feeling. Isn't it amazing what the EVIL in our society can get away with?!
  
  I applaud you for knowing when to move on. You are right, your children and you know the truth about that LOSER SCUM LOWLIFE!! And I do believe that someday he will pay the price. (It is called Karma)
  
  You are a hero. Your children are so lucky to have you to look up to. They, like you, have become incredibly strong and the world is a better place because you and your children are in it. They are the warriors of the future -fighting for a better world for all survivors.
  
  I stand in awe of your perserverance and strength, Laura
• Reply #2 06/20/12  5:27pm
  
  brokensun
  Wow. I too am amazed by your courage & strength. The courts have failed your children, but you have fought a brave fight. Your reports will be there to back up eveidence WHEN he rapes another child. And that crime will be on the hands of the DA and judge that refused to hear and believe those precious babies. (((HUGS)))
• Reply #3 06/27/12  1:57am
  
  oceanbluze
  Thank you both for your support. It's like one day you wake up and realize, the battle is over. Sometimes you walk away with only scars, but you walk away with dignity and life. You walk away. Sometimes those scars keep you up a few hours at night, and you look over and see you are sleeping alone. For a minute it is sad and angry, but then it is joy, you knew the truth, you acted on it, and saved the children. You can't replace that. @ broken sun, sadly there will be another victim, and like you say, I will standing there with my file that's two feet wide with curt papers and police reports. Then I will wink at him, when they lock his nastiness up, then I will Sue the court system for negligence! When I first went to police and reported it, I had mentioned, I had some inklings, some suspicions, but no proof until I witness it myself. The police- private investigator, told me she should take my kids away from me that moment and place them in foster care for being a negligent parent. And here I have fought for two and a half years, while they all sit negligent and naive. The battle is over, but the eternal trust and love from my children is golden and irreplaceable.
• Reply #4 06/27/12  8:48pm
  
  jennifermom
  YOU WIN. YOU have grace and dignity. You (and any other person with half a brain) KNOWS the truth. We believe you. We know the truth. You did all the right things. YOU are a hero. and you are a survivor who has helped her children survive and cope. You are MY hero. If you are ready to walk away, then do it. YOU HAVE WON the things that matter - your kids and your self-respect. Maybe you'll wake up tomorrow and realize you aren't ready to move on completely, or maybe you'll feel even more sure that you are ready to go forward, but either way, you are amazing, and you have the power of RIGHT and TRUTH. Someday truth will win out, it's the waiting for that day that stinks. You have my utmost respect. Hugs, Jen
• Reply #5 06/27/12  9:50pm
  
  oceanbluze
  Yeah my kids were down today, and I was letting it get me down for a bit. But I know every day is different and the good days outweigh the bad. The only bad times are when I am forced them to visits with him because the court refuses to see the truth. Today is one of those days. But I reminded the kids, that no matter what happens in life, whether its their father, or some kids at school who spreads a rumor or whatever people say about another, the TRUTH is always the TRUTH and IT can never change. I do win, my life back. One day the court will see the truth because he is one sick dirty man roaming around California and he is very sick. One day his sickness will want to be treated and he will strike again. That will be the problem of the court, not mine.
• Reply #6 06/28/12  10:22pm
  
  mommaKL
  You are amazing!
  Way to take your life back.
  How can they force the kids to see him when he owes 12,000. He should be in jail for that alone.
  So sorry that they have to go visit the man that abused them, so wrong. Praying for justice.
  Hugs
• Reply #7 06/29/12  9:47pm
  
  oceanbluze
  Yes he can see them, and as long as a man makes a payment, within a 6 month period, it is considered a good faith effort, even if that payment is 25 dollars and he owes 1800 a month. So he waits 5 1/2 months pays 30 bux and stays out of jail. At least in California.
• Reply #8 06/29/12  9:48pm
  
  oceanbluze
  And he cancelled his visits this weekend.
• Reply #9 07/02/12  7:16am
  
  melaniedianne
  It is the same with the child support in Ohio. Such fucking bull shit. And if they go to jail they lower the child support payment to the state minimum 50 a month (not per kid just 50) so he doesn't incrue a shit ton of debt while locked up. Nice. They didn't bother to lower my electric bill, gas bill, grocery bill, or rent. Just his child support. It is a fucked up world. I am impressed that you are letting go of some of your anger. I am not there yet, but I am going to be watching how you do. I think it is going to be hard as hell especially because you are still going through this shit. Just the fact that you are willing to try is awesome. I hope you do let it go and I hope you go on with your life and not let this part consume the whole. Peace and power to you.
• Reply #10 07/06/12  12:02am
  
  oceanbluze
  Well, yeah. I am trying. I'm trying my hardest. But just trying gives me more good days then bad.

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !