Changing will?Posted on 04/16/12, 03:12 pm
I am new to this group. I am single with only one child, an adult son. He became distant with me when he married 6 years ago, then estranged two years ago. I guess I don't have to explain the depth of my sorrow and the daily depression this has caused me. He has always been the sole beneficiary of my will.
I have two nephews with whom I am close, one of whom has twins. Additionally, I have always supported animal advocacy organizations and have always had a rescue dog as my companion.
What are your thoughts on changing one's will? When or if one should just write the child off and make arrangements for the money to go elsewhere.
I'd appreciate your input. Thanks.
Reply #11 04/16/12 8:55pm
This is a subject that comes up fairly often here, sad.
I feel like you and I live in parallel universes - I have one son - I am single - he married about 8 years ago - became distant and then completely estranged. Wow -
I think that changing our wills is a good idea when we are written off by our estranged children. If we mean so little to them - why would we want to be generous with them? I do animal rescue too and I think contributing to that effort is a great idea.
And yes - we sure do know the depths of despair this estrangement throws us into and please know that most of us have come a distance with the help of this group. The daily depression does seem to lighten for most of us. Stick with us and let us help you - we've become pretty good at that. Big hugs,
Reply #12 04/16/12 9:23pm
We have two daughters. One estraged, one not. Right now our will is still 50/50. This December will be two years since the estrangement, with no contact from her. If this continues we are changing our will (and will actually have a trust instead) and the dear daughter will get 50% and the two grandsons that have been taken from us will get 25% each. Since they are still very young the trust will be set up that way. When they become adults and if they decide to be like their Mother and have no realationship with us, then the trust will be changed again and they will be out. If that happens all 100% will go to dear daughter and her two children. I see NO reason to be generous to ED when she has treated us like she has. I worked to hard to get to where I am today! Actually I hope to spend it all before I leave this earth anyway...........
Reply #13 04/16/12 10:59pm
I agree jakmom If I had another loyal child they would get it all.
Reply #14 04/16/12 11:01pm
Reply #15 04/16/12 11:33pm
Me too Cara - I just hope the timing is right - I'd hate to get rid of it ll and then live another 10 years.....you know?
Reply #16 04/17/12 4:11am
For me the jury is still out and I am still very undecided. It is however a decision that needs to made soon.
Power of Attorney and a will are important and I need to make this decision honestly and objectively without allowing emotion to cloud my judgement. In the meantime I'm going to spend as much of it as I can..and enjoy it. For the moment at least, part of her inheritance at will be spent on things that will give me pleasure and I feel no guilt for that whatsoever. Thank you for posting this because it is very relevant .
Reply #17 04/17/12 8:52am
Hi Sad51, welcome to PEACE. Your question about leaving $$$ to our estranged kids is one that surfaces every few months. It's always difficult but something we struggle with.
@Cara354, who wrote: "She told us 8 years ago Our money had strings attached it. Which As God Is My judge that is so not true!" Of course any inheritance has "strings" attached to it, which it should. If you are shunned, disrespected, emotionally abused, etc. why would any of us leave our hard-earned money to ungrateful adult children?
Oh - and our grandchildren? Well, here's the deal. By the time they have been influenced by their parents who are obviously not civil to us...why would the grandkids be respectful towards us or loyal and loving? I fear that they will be influenced and be just like their parents.
I wish the above stuff was different, I'm afraid it is not. So find that loyal niece or nephew, friend, sibling, or charity and make them the recipient of anything left. Mostly go spend it and have a ball!
Reply #18 04/17/12 8:58am
Thank you so much for this advice. I have been berating myself for months now because I have been thinking of changing my will. Nice to know that others have wrestled with this question. Thanks for the kind words. Am very low right now and really needed the kindness.
Reply #19 04/17/12 9:13am
Are any of you who are cutting your estranged child from the will, notifying the child of what you are doing?(or attempting to?)
Reply #20 04/17/12 9:49am
yemats11 ~ I just made my trust/will this past Fall. I haven't heard from ED in over 2 years, and ES since last May.....so neither has any idea one has been made.
I would not want them to know about a will becuz I wouldn't want them smoozing with me just becuz of what they can get from me after I die. Knowing my greedy little POS, they'd kill me just to get an inheritance!
Do you have adult children, who have blamed you for everything wrong in their childhood, lost contact either through addiction, divorce, or in laws? No phone calls for birthdays, Mother's day, just no communication. How do you cope with the emptiness, the painful loss of not having your children in your life? *WARNING*: Read this note about privacy: http://www.dailystrength.org/people/548/journal/1802327