Discussion Topic

I feel betrayed!

Posted on 06/05/11, 05:32 pm
Please tell me if I'm offbase here. There are a number of situations resulting from our estrangement with son that have really hurt me, the latest one today. Estranged son has not had contact with any family members as well as us. My MIL came to our restaurant today and let it slip that, "even though I wanted to keep it a secret, I wrote to ES and it worked. He and DIL came to see me with GK's and we had a wonderful visit". I felt like a horse had kicked me in the stomach. I then asked my husband if he knew about it and he said that his brother had told him but that I wasn't supposed to know. Then he told me he had forgotten about it - not sure I believe that. I think that I expect the people in our lives who know and care for both of us to try to help bring us back together from a neutral position. I think my MIL threw us under the bus in order to see her great GK's
Showing 8 Replies
  • Reply #1 06/05/11  5:38pm
    Wow, arobie, what a blow. Of course you feel betrayed, you were.
    Have you said something to your MIL to let her know how you feel about it? Also, to ask her why she would not have tried to include you in the visit?
    I'll tell you what, these people standing outside this thing, 'on the fence', are just making things worse...they need to gut up and decide where they stand, and stand there!!
    I am so sorry, you have every right to be upset.
  • Reply #2 06/05/11  5:40pm
    In order to bring you back together, they need a good relationship. This is one step closer to you. Just ask MIL to say hello from you next time and ket them know you're thinking about them all. I want my ES to keep in touch with my family. Can't forget me if he's with my dad or sibs. Hugs and good luck.
  • Reply #3 06/05/11  7:07pm
    No you're not off base at all. What I think was unfair was for your MIL to bring the subject up. No one does that by accident.

    If your husband found out after the fact - there was not much he could do about it and telling you - Im sure he knew would hurt you. Maybe he felt that he was between a rock and a hard place

    Family can be so cold. If I were you I'd ask my MIL to keep this sort of information to herself. I'm sorry you have been betrayed - I have been betrayed by my son and it is a horrible feeling. Stay with us - we're here for you.
  • Reply #4 06/05/11  7:43pm
    I had to tell my Mother point blank that every time see sees my son and enjoys his company she is making it easier for him to leave me out of his life----I was not happy
  • Reply #5 06/05/11  8:20pm
    I feel for ya!!! My parents are doing the same thing with my son. Not only does he not come and see me he does not come and see his younger sisters 6,8,14 sad it really is. The one thing that would bother me is my husband keeping that secret from you. Your husband should not keep anything from you and surely not something as important as this. My heart really does feel for ya. Blessings
  • Reply #6 06/05/11  9:23pm
    Oh what a twisted web we weave when first we practice to deceive.....I think about says it all here, even if I didnt quote it correctly.....estrangement is a whole mess of nasty webs we are all tangled in...best to pick your way clear and then help others do the same. Somewhere at the middle of the mess is a big nasty spider of a reason why this is all happening, but not worth going there because it is mostly delusions and reeks of insane agendas.

    I felt/feel betrayed by my DIL's suddenly contacting my terminally ill father after years of not caring. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to upset me, stepmother came clean about it after the news of sucubus being pregnant was found elsewhere. I know Dad and StepMom are on my side, maybe hoping to help one day, but also afraid of losing contact they think they are having with ES's. I resent DIL's putting Dad in this position, feels like he is being used as a pawn to start more crap. The verbage and timing just proves DIL's are in cahoots again, doubt if ES's even know about the emails sent. Nasty games, webs to catch us all up in, and for what????? Just because they can.

    Arobie, try to remain calm and keep your focus clear, your MIL and DH and BIL could be pawns. It appears someone sacrificed them to get at YOU! Strength and clarity..... D.

  • Reply #7 06/06/11  8:32am
    Since the estrangement there are words that take on a whole new meaning for me:

    "Enabler" and "reinforcements" and, of course, "buffoon" (Thanks, Linda!)

    This prefix says it all for some people:: "pseudo". I love it.

  • Reply #8 06/06/11  8:55am
    OUCH! Hubby probably wanted to forget about it, since he couldn't do anything about it. I agree with carriagegal59, they're still getting family support.


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Do you have adult children, who have blamed you for everything wrong in their childhood, lost contact either through addiction, divorce, or in laws? No phone calls for birthdays, Mother's day, just no communication. How do you cope with the emptiness, the painful loss of not having your children in your life? *WARNING*: Read this note about privacy: http://www.dailystrength.org/people/548/journal/1802327