My son is an arrogant jerk!Posted on 05/27/11, 09:04 am
Reply #1 05/27/11 9:35am
We've all found it is better to stay off our EC's FB page...just gives you indigestion!:):)
I still don't do FB, never quite got it...but, I'm very very slow:)
Reply #2 05/27/11 9:49am
And I thought I was the only one with responsible, tax paying husbands and fathers who just also happen to be total jerks for sons! LOL It sure is hard to find the respect I used to have for them now....some things show the true character no matter what they do in their "other" life. Ditto Nav, no facebook, EC territory.
Reply #3 05/27/11 10:04am
I, too, have a son who is like this...and a daughter. At this point in my life I have been estranged completely from them and it hurts terribly. We all do the best we can raising them and hope to see their fruitfulness as they grow up. I agree that FB is not a place to be in touch with your kids. Over and over I have been hurt deeply by comments one or the other made for all the world to see, lies of course. I do not associate with them on FB and have told them to contact me directly by phone if they want to do so. With emails and computer communication (FB, Twitter, etc.) things can be misinterpreted very easily. Thanks for listening.
Reply #4 05/27/11 10:17am
Hi Contentgal, welcome to our lifeboat! Sounds like you have been dealing with this awhile now and have a pretty good handle on the whole FB thing....sorry you are going through this, but glad you are here. D.
Reply #5 05/27/11 11:36am
Yes, almost six years. I separated from my husband of 21 years in late 2005...that's when it all began. Their Christian dad could do not wrong and I was the enemy for leaving the marriage. He remarried quickly to someone he met on E-Harmony and is now divorced again. That woman incited even more havoc in our family (and continues to do so through my son's wife who she is close to) and I don't think things will ever be better. At this point, the kids have written both their father and me out of their lives. I didn't realize until my mid-30's that parents were so important. By that time I had lost my mother... I just don't want the kids to have regrets, but if they don't mature they just might. It is terribly sad as you never think this can happen to you!
Reply #6 05/27/11 12:23pm
We are survivors here, what other choice do we have? I have reached a place of peace several times only to lose it again, but as the saying goes, practice makes perfect....I am in year 4 now, hoping I don't have to keep practicing much longer. None of us ever figured this estrangement would take over our lives and futures, and we are all working to put ourselves back on track, a different track now. I am so sorry you have had to contend with the Ex and his ex wife, just more emotional baggage to deal with. I don't know that my sons will ever get over themselves or their bad choices, have a feeling their pride will do them in and us too.
The whole thing is just sad, for everyone involved, and the guilty outsiders that have meddled and ruined families should be held accountable. I believe you can't legislate morality, but their actions are criminal.
Reply #7 05/27/11 6:35pm
Sounds as if our sons were cut out of the same mold and that whoever was doing the quality inspection on those days missed the fact they weren't given a heart! Who do we complain to? (( and I like FB! A collegue reported yesterday when she went into labor and 5 hrs later her new son was born. I am hoping the quality assurance team made sure he had a heart before dispatching him to his mother's arms! This afternoon my DD posted that her DH stopped to help a stranded woman change a tire in the Houston heat. I like this instantaneous messaging about friends and family and neither us or ES can see anything about the other except profile pix which is optional and our name. )
Reply #8 05/27/11 7:31pm
Well, I am joining your Mothers of Arrogant Jerks Club! What baffles me is how good these guys look to other people, 'cause they KNOW how to walk, to talk, to help others, to smile with kindness, to be empathetic and generous! They just don't do it with us! I'm on FB also.....and I have to say that I like it for the most part. It has been a fun way to keep up with old friends and new. I've made a pact though to stay away from the ES and his followers!
Reply #9 05/27/11 8:21pm
:-( It sounds so sad to hear parents call their children jerks. I'm sorry. It just does.
Reply #10 05/27/11 11:10pm
The definition of jerk, as I use it in my vernacular, is a foolish, rude, or contemptible person.
My son is foolish to turn his back on two people who have always protected him, supported him, and loved him unconditionally. Whether he is influenced by others to discard us, or simply came to this painful conclusion on his own, we all know it is hard to find someone who will take you as you are and love you despite all of your faults, mistakes, and hurtful behavior as we have. That is foolish.
Our son is rude.....to us. He says things and expects behavior from us that is impolite and discourteous, sometimes even disrespecful to expect and do.
I don't call people names, especially my children. But, I do speak the truth and "say it like it is". My son is a jerk to my husband and I. I won't reiterate here the things that I love and respect about him. I've done that already.
I understand that not all of us are in the same place. And 7 months ago, I wasn't either.
What I find sad here is that once again I feel that I am justifying my feelings. I am feeling judged for speaking in this cyberforum of my feelings. I am not hurting anyone, especially my son....just opening up in a place I should feel safe to do so.
Do you have adult children, who have blamed you for everything wrong in their childhood, lost contact either through addiction, divorce, or in laws? No phone calls for birthdays, Mother's day, just no communication. How do you cope with the emptiness, the painful loss of not having your children in your life? *WARNING*: Read this note about privacy: http://www.dailystrength.org/people/548/journal/1802327