Discussion Topic


Posted on 05/06/11, 09:19 am
This is a topic we discuss often. How long do you keep sending your grandchildren gifts or gifts of money for birthdays, Christmas and holidays when you get no reponse? No phone call or thank you notes. We do not really know if they get what we send.
Showing 1 - 10 of 21 Replies
  • Reply #1 05/06/11  10:21am
    Dear Orabelle, I sent them until my EGD (who is going to be 21 and obviously been brain-washed by my ED) sent one back, so no more for her. My EGS - so not to put any pressure on him, I have opened a Savings Account for him and deposit money in it for birthday, Christmas, holidays etc. Then I message him privately that I have done this. He is afraid to answer me, but my SIL - who is talking to me - tells me that he does get the messages and shares them with my SIL - not my ED - so I will continue to do that for my EGS - some day he will be old enough to decided if he wants the money - if not it will be his when I die.
  • Reply #2 05/06/11  6:49pm
    I stopped doing presents last July after confrontation with ED#1 when I asked for reconciliation (and she said awful things) and my following "breakdown"
    I still send a card but am thinking of not doing that anymore...i don't get to see those 2 GCs and I'm done with all the groveling...
    a thank you note would've been nice
    since she thinks she is such a good Mum shouldn't she be teaching her kids some manners and etiquette!
    the 'trying' (groveling) has all become too much for me

  • Reply #3 05/06/11  7:59pm
    I don't send anything but have accounts for them. Looking at cards and gift for them..its like picking a scab!!
  • Reply #4 05/06/11  8:44pm
    true, picking out those cards is that way........ my granddaughter is 4 and doesn't even know me... all this estrangement was just starting when she was born... i think i can count on one hand how many times i've seen her.... the last time i asked when i would get to see her i was told that "we need to discuss some things" and i replied "like what" and never heard another thing... so I still have my granddaughter's 3rd and 4th birthday gift in a box that I'm thinking of mailing...... but am resisting only because I do not like to be the "phantom" grandparent..... It's just so insane....... Now thinking maybe from now on to just open an account for her and make deposits for birthdays, Christmas, etc and have it for her when she starts college... and still buy cards but keep them in a box and give it to her later. I do hope in my heart that someday she will want to know me
  • Reply #5 05/07/11  12:31am
    I've sent stuff through 3rd parties but due to the cold response my 3rd party 'mailers' received, not sure about the next holiday go-round.
  • Reply #6 05/07/11  12:43pm
    We buy cards, sign & date them, and put a monetary gift inside.
    BUT we do not send them - we put them in a secure lock box.
    We do this because 2 years ago, EC left the last gift we had sent on our doorstep with a nasty note.
    Our theory is the grandchildren can have them if they decide to recontact us.
    And if they don't, then the money will go to a charity upon our deaths.
  • Reply #7 05/07/11  1:07pm
    I continue to buy and send gifts. If they ever got sent back I would stop sending them.

  • Reply #8 05/07/11  3:17pm
    I have written about this several times in the past. With two small granddaughters that I haven't seen in
    four years, I too, don't receive any comfirmation of gifts, so I bought two beautiful boxes and put birthday
    cards, heirloom jewelry, photos of myself and my hubbie, photos of their great-grandparents, and photos of
    us as we really are (not what their parents have told them). Anything special that I do for them goes into
    their boxes. In their birthday cards, I also put money. What fun I hope they'll have one day just opening them. Lastly, every year, we buy Savings Bonds for them and put them in a Saftey Deposit Box. I am so
    hoping that they will see that WE REALLY DID LOVE THEM AFTER ALL! Grits
  • Reply #9 05/07/11  5:26pm
    we have been sending presents to our grand children who are now 3 and 4. i usually make them something. (but not always) i know their parents can buy them anything so what they get from me will be one of a kind. I am pretty sure that the presents go right into the trash. my son will have to answer for that someday! but he will never, never be able to say that i forgot about them. I only saw the 4 yr old when she was 2 weeks old and i have never seen the 3 yr old. well except in pictures on my DILs blog. I take pictures of everything i send them so whenever i am able to see those children i will be able to show them what i sent. with my son it has been 4 years and i believe it will be many more before we will see any of them again.
  • Reply #10 05/09/11  7:11pm
    The last time I saw my granddaughter she was 4 yrs old and I was able to give her, her birthday gift in person. It has been 3 yrs since I've seen her and she will be finishing the first grade so we have missed alot. She is now 7 yrs old, so I finally made an attempt to go to her school last Wed. to give her some little gifts. Because of the situation between her parents I was not allowed to see my gd in person so I asked the school's office if I could leave the gift bag there, well apparently they had to call up the parents to see if they would accept the gift from me ( made me feel like I'm some total stranger or a criminal). Well today, Monday I called up the school to see if my gd got her gift, apparently my daughter picked it up so who knows if she will give the gift to my gd, I'm hoping she will but darn I forgot to take a picture of what was in the bag. I don't know where my daughter lives only the town, but am making it a goal to find out somehow.


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