You really need to get her into some type of rehab. Msg 1 always says the Salvation Army has help so call them, I am not sure.
I don't think a counselor is going to help her right now save your money for rehab.
Addicts always blame someone else for everything. My daughter blamed me for everything and even now blames me for her situation but they were her choices not mine. I don't take the blame for her mistakes anymore. People here are teaching me it isn't my fault. And it isn't yours either.
Yes it is very painful to go through this and see your dreams go up in smoke for your kids. This is what drugs do to them and they seem to be oblivious to what they are doing while we the parents are slowly suffering the unthinkable.
I am glad you locked your things away and be sure to keep them locked because if she wants her drug she will get it one way or another.
Your husband is right, she has had her chances for a year and hasn't done anything, you have to stop enabling her now. She isn't working, she wrecked the car....It will get worse I hate to say that but it will.
You need to go to some meetings like alanon or naranon or whatever is close to you. You can look it up on line. You will find support there and answers. And you will see your not alone.
I feel so bad for you I know how it hurts but you really need to get her more help then detox for 8 days. ((hugs)))
Discussion Topic
Coping???
Posted on 10/14/09, 05:50 pm
My daughter has been home about 8 days and so far it's been pure misery. She has an attitude that all of life sucks and might even be suisidel(sorry can't spell). She is so up and down, I'm worried. She only calls to argue with me. She won't go back to work and has spent all of her savings. She wrecked her car yesterday it was minor but my husband wants to take it since it's in our name and we make the payments. I try to tell him to give her a chance but how much can we take ??? I made an appointment with a counseler on Monday, if someone can't get threw to her I don't know what to do, I'm also trying to find some one or program to life coach or teen challenge, something to make her be more positve. She like to blame me but none of this happened until she moved out on her own. If anyone knows of any programs please let me know I have no insurance. I don't know how you deal with this, to me they might as well said she has cancer cause it's killing her and me both!!! What parent doesn't have hopes and dreams that their kid will grow up and be something, and happy. My daughter is 20 and beautiful and just throwing it all alway because of a drug!!!!!!!!!!
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Reply #1 10/14/09 6:22pm
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Reply #2 10/15/09 3:58pm
Sunnieran is right. 8 days isn't going to do a thing, but what is worse - forcijng her to go into rehab isn't going to help either. It will be a waste of money. Until she hits bottom - loses all her money, her car, her family, friends and all hope - she won't be at bottom. And it is only then, when she wants help that it will do her any good. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is help them hit bottom faster. They always have somewhere to go - it's called rehab. And Sunnierain is right - the best program out there and it's free - is the Salvation Army. but again, until she wants help - it won't do any good. In addition she needs 30-90 days of rehab and 6 months to a year in a sober living home.
I know its hard to watch our kids take such destructive paths,but it's true you will be up all night wondering where they are and the fact you might be worrying never crosses their mind. When my son was in jail, I told my therapist I couldn't sleep - she responded by saying - "funny, I'm sure he was sleeping."
Stay Safe. Hugs!!! -
Reply #3 10/15/09 9:12pm
Hi, I also have been through it. My son is an addict. He was so respectful. Since the drugs he has called me every name in the book. He has litterally ripped the rest of my soul out, and I say it like that, as his father ripped out the oother half. When his father, now my ex, and I were married he had a coccaine addiction, and went to rehab, I guess hee's cured now, he doesn't go to meetings anymore. His women doesn't even know what Alanon is, I'm sure he wants it that way, so he can continue to control.
Back to my son. He hasn't let me see my precious grandchildren, he doesn't respect me anymore, he vents all of his anger toward me. It cuts like a knife, especially when he told me I was a "horrible mother", I have yet to see him do n a "better job"!!!!! It's been almost 3 months and he just agreed to see a mediator/counselor with me, I just thank-God, thats a start, it just breaks my heart, I've cried buckets of tears.....I'm NOT his gramma anyway, I'm their gramma, I shouldn't be kept from my grandchildren, that's absurd! I just pray alot, and go to Alanon meetings, and use this site....."Daily Strength".....
Lynae -
Reply #4 10/18/09 8:07pm
Mgs1 is always right on target. We did what she suggested, (and so many others on this god-send of a site) my son hit bottom. No money, no car, no phone (we cancelled that) and no where to go, he wore out his welcome at so called "friends" homes all because of drugs. He is now in CA did his rehab and now in a sober living house. This is not over by a long shot, but its also out of our control. They are masters at minipulating! Stay strong. Prayers to you. -
Reply #5 10/18/09 11:13pm
Add my prayers and support and most of all, understanding and compassion.
We know and understand the pain and anguish. Find Al Anon and go to at least six meetings. You'll get support, love and be cherished.
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