PammyC

Please I need feed back

Posted on 10/12/09, 03:59 pm

My son is in the sober living house in CA. He has is up days and down days. He doesn't want to do meds to control his moods thinks it will make him a zombie. I told him that won't happen. He is insisting we send him a ticket home. I can't have him back here. He will go right back, On the other hand he is clear across the country. He doesn't know anyone. These guys are the same guys who wanted him to go over to the Sober House with them from Rehab. He said they were great. Now he has a problem with them. I am sure it is because he not doing what he is supposed to be doing. They are probably calling him on his BS. My husband is telling him to make amends with them, follow through or you are on your own. It always everyone else. I am afraid for him. He complains almost everyday about how lonely he is, says he can't find a job. I am so sick to my stomach. These guys in there are older not much. I am sorry I am jumping all over the place. But I am sure this is not going to go well. Please help.

• Reply #1 10/12/09  8:19pm
  
  mgs1
  He will be fine. Everything is an adjustment - he will just have to learn to get along with them.
  Try not to let him emotionally blackmail you. use humor with him when he calls. Or you can even say - gosh,
  call back when you figure it all out. Try to remember - yes he is your son but his problems are not your problems, he created them and he'll only grow up and learn to manage interpersonal relationships by trying and failing. if he is calling for advice, that is one thing - if he's calling to complain - I'd tell him to deal with it.
  I'm not trying to be cold, but this is typical behavior for an addict.
  Besides remember, they generally blow everything out of proportion. And, he'll want it to sound worse than it is expecting that you will let him come home.
  Hugs.
• Reply #2 10/13/09  7:43am
  
  cherrie1
  He probably just needs time to adjust. When my son first went out to CA he was in a long term rehab so he knew coming home was not an option. He did call in the beginning because he was very homesick, he really had never been away from us and now he was all the way across the country. It took time but he came to love it there so much that he stayed. Hopefully your son will get better. Has he tried going through a temp agency for a job. That is how my son found his first one and they ended up hiring him. I know it is hard to hear them complaining/crying but try to hang in there.
• Reply #3 10/13/09  7:11pm
  
  ddmaries
  I agree with the ladies. I know it's hard but try to be strong for him. Hugs...
• Reply #4 10/25/09  9:32pm
  
  BAB09
  Just chiming in that I agree with all that's said here. Please try to take care of yourself at this time, and allow him space to learn from mistakes. You cannot force him to learn anything at this point, it has to come from him. Prayers for you, and many hugs.
• Reply #5 10/29/09  9:49pm
  
  drap
  My son is in rehab right now and I'm undecided on the next step.I don't want him to come home for awhile.I feel as though if they are looking to change then I want him to experience change..The last time my son went to rehab we only kept him in a sober house for one month and then allowed another addict to come back with our son.BIG BIG MISTAKE !!!how old is your son?has he been one for awhile?
  

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