Over The Fence Community Group
A quote from one of our happy Over The Fence members: "Hi JS- Thank you for the welcome message. Do you remember that show Home Improvement and the neighbor Wilson Wilson Jr. who would meet Tim the Tool Man at the fence, but never showed anything but his eyes? He was so funny. This group reminds me of those encounters... you get the wisdom, humor, and support from your DS...
It was requested that I post this info I recently added to Moms of Estranged Adult Children -
If you have adult children or others who do harm to you over and over and cause you grief this is a list to savor in getting them out of your life.
"How to Develop Detachment"
In order to become detached from a person, place or thing, you need to:
First: Establish emotional boundaries between you and the person, place or thing with whom you have become overly enmeshed or dependent on.
Second: Take back power over your feelings from persons, places or things which in the past you have given power to affect your emotional well-being.
Third: "Hand over" to your Higher Power the persons, places and things which you would like to see changed but which you cannot change on your own.
Fourth: Make a commitment to your personal recovery and self-health by admitting to yourself and your Higher Power that there is only one person you can change and that is yourself and that for your serenity you need to let go of the "need" to fix, change, rescue or heal other persons, places and things.
Fifth: Recognize that it is "sick" and "unhealthy" to believe that you have the power or control enough to fix, correct, change, heal or rescue another person, place or thing if they do not want to get better nor see a need to change.
Sixth: Recognize that you need to be healthy yourself and be "squeaky clean" and a "role model" of health in order for another to recognize that there is something "wrong" with them that needs changing.
Seventh: Continue to own your feelings as your responsibility and not blame others for the way you feel.
Eighth: Accept personal responsibility for your own unhealthy actions, feelings and thinking and cease looking for the persons, places or things you can blame for your unhealthiness.
Ninth: Accept that addicted fixing, rescuing, enabling are "sick" behaviors and strive to extinguish these behaviors in your relationship to persons, places and things.
Tenth: Accept that many people, places and things in your past and current life are "irrational," "unhealthy" and "toxic" influences in your life, label them honestly for what they truly are, and stop minimizing their negative impact in your life.
Eleventh: Reduce the impact of guilt and other irrational beliefs which impede your ability to develop detachment in your life.
Twelfth: Practice "letting go" of the need to correct, fix or make better the persons, places and things in life over which you have no control or power to change.
If you need support during estrangement you can find us at: http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/mom-of-estranged-adult-children-all-topics/discussions
If you have adult children or others who do harm to you over and over and cause you grief this is a list to savor in getting them out of your life.
"How to Develop Detachment"
In order to become detached from a person, place or thing, you need to:
First: Establish emotional boundaries between you and the person, place or thing with whom you have become overly enmeshed or dependent on.
Second: Take back power over your feelings from persons, places or things which in the past you have given power to affect your emotional well-being.
Third: "Hand over" to your Higher Power the persons, places and things which you would like to see changed but which you cannot change on your own.
Fourth: Make a commitment to your personal recovery and self-health by admitting to yourself and your Higher Power that there is only one person you can change and that is yourself and that for your serenity you need to let go of the "need" to fix, change, rescue or heal other persons, places and things.
Fifth: Recognize that it is "sick" and "unhealthy" to believe that you have the power or control enough to fix, correct, change, heal or rescue another person, place or thing if they do not want to get better nor see a need to change.
Sixth: Recognize that you need to be healthy yourself and be "squeaky clean" and a "role model" of health in order for another to recognize that there is something "wrong" with them that needs changing.
Seventh: Continue to own your feelings as your responsibility and not blame others for the way you feel.
Eighth: Accept personal responsibility for your own unhealthy actions, feelings and thinking and cease looking for the persons, places or things you can blame for your unhealthiness.
Ninth: Accept that addicted fixing, rescuing, enabling are "sick" behaviors and strive to extinguish these behaviors in your relationship to persons, places and things.
Tenth: Accept that many people, places and things in your past and current life are "irrational," "unhealthy" and "toxic" influences in your life, label them honestly for what they truly are, and stop minimizing their negative impact in your life.
Eleventh: Reduce the impact of guilt and other irrational beliefs which impede your ability to develop detachment in your life.
Twelfth: Practice "letting go" of the need to correct, fix or make better the persons, places and things in life over which you have no control or power to change.
If you need support during estrangement you can find us at: http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/mom-of-estranged-adult-children-all-topics/discussions
There are some like kaching who are instrumental in research-driven guidance with references such as what is posted here. If you click on the link above you will see what I mean. I urge you if you are in this type of situation,even if you are the adult estranged child, to not be embarrassed to get the help you need.
There are 332 members in Moms. You are not alone. Seek the comfort of others. Learn how to deal with the situation. Get help for yourself... Don't do what I did - I threw away 10 years of my life mourning the loss of my 5 children as I was devastated and felt helpless in my situation. But now there is DailyStrength.org and because of them and groups like Moms - You are not alone!
NDY
NDY
NDY