JC, I don't think your crazy at all. I too want to adopt an older child, although I'm single with 2 grown sons and 48 years old. I was adopted so I think I have a perspective that is maybe different. Children want LOVE, not a playmate. They can get that from a friend. You are able to give unconditional love and that is what is important. There are so many older children that need a home that is loving and constant. Everyday I watch a program on TV "Adoption Stories". Many of these children are older and from the foster system. There are many children born into families where one parent is in a wheel chair or is disabled. What makes you any different? Maybe you could consider a sibling group, say 2 girls or a girl and a boy. That way they would have a connection to each other and be able to help each other when you couldn't. I wish you and your husband the best!
dee
Discussion Topic
want to adopt a child- am I crazy? Help- I need advice.
Posted on 01/07/09, 11:26 am
I need advice about adopting children.
I am 28 and my hubby is 30 and we've been married for 3.5 years. I have lived for 9.5 years with extreme chronic myofascial pain (caused by surviving 5 car accidents, 2 bad falls, and getting hit on the head at work with a baseball bat). I often wonder how I keep on going while living in such intense physical (and constant pain). I've had to give up a lot in my life- from my physio career (now I am a stay at home freelance writer), to the sports I used to love (waterskiing, soccer, running, swimming), to the ability to do much of the housework (my hubby does 100% of the heavy stuff like vaccuuming and snow shovelling and 70% of the lighter stuff like dishes).
I am not depressed, and somehow despite my severe pain and physical disability I've been able to maintain a happy marrage. good relationships with friends and family, and a relatively happy life. I've been able to go back to part time school (via correspondance home study and with mega support from the college's services for students with diabilities).
I would love to have children- and belive that we could provide a happy and stable life for a child- but it would not be a "normal" life, as the child would have to adjust to living with my disability. That would mean that on some days, when I can barely walk or get out of bed, the child would not be able to count on me to take them places like the store, to school, or to a park, or to cook supper, (that would all have to be taken care of by my husband, who is a really devoted guy or by my mom who desperately wants a grandchild). On the good days, I'd be well enough to take a child to the park- but even then I'd have to watch her play from a bench (I'd not be well enough to push her on the swings or run and kick a soccer ball).
Obviously, giving birth and caring for an infant or small child is out of the question for me. (I'm on too many meds such as muscle relaxants and pain killers to be safe for a developing baby), but not only that.... even on my good days, I am never able to lift a jug of milk (4 L) and I have difficulty holding my friend's babies. SO, I definately do not have the physical stamina to care for a tiny child.
HOwever, I want to adopt a little girl between the ages of 7 and 12. A child of that age would not need to be physically carried or lifted. My hope is that she would have the cognitive ability to somewhat understand that I am sick- and that I am not able to physically do everything that most moms do for their kids- but that I would still love her unconditionally. I would hope that she would not hate me for my physical struggles, but that she would love me for providing her with a permanent home- one that envelops her with love.
So, what do you think? Am I absolutely crazy to have this desire? Is it selfish for me to want to adopt a child when I have such problems? I'd also love to hear from parents (who live in pain) of girls this age- do you struggle physically to care for your child?
Thanks,
JC
I am 28 and my hubby is 30 and we've been married for 3.5 years. I have lived for 9.5 years with extreme chronic myofascial pain (caused by surviving 5 car accidents, 2 bad falls, and getting hit on the head at work with a baseball bat). I often wonder how I keep on going while living in such intense physical (and constant pain). I've had to give up a lot in my life- from my physio career (now I am a stay at home freelance writer), to the sports I used to love (waterskiing, soccer, running, swimming), to the ability to do much of the housework (my hubby does 100% of the heavy stuff like vaccuuming and snow shovelling and 70% of the lighter stuff like dishes).
I am not depressed, and somehow despite my severe pain and physical disability I've been able to maintain a happy marrage. good relationships with friends and family, and a relatively happy life. I've been able to go back to part time school (via correspondance home study and with mega support from the college's services for students with diabilities).
I would love to have children- and belive that we could provide a happy and stable life for a child- but it would not be a "normal" life, as the child would have to adjust to living with my disability. That would mean that on some days, when I can barely walk or get out of bed, the child would not be able to count on me to take them places like the store, to school, or to a park, or to cook supper, (that would all have to be taken care of by my husband, who is a really devoted guy or by my mom who desperately wants a grandchild). On the good days, I'd be well enough to take a child to the park- but even then I'd have to watch her play from a bench (I'd not be well enough to push her on the swings or run and kick a soccer ball).
Obviously, giving birth and caring for an infant or small child is out of the question for me. (I'm on too many meds such as muscle relaxants and pain killers to be safe for a developing baby), but not only that.... even on my good days, I am never able to lift a jug of milk (4 L) and I have difficulty holding my friend's babies. SO, I definately do not have the physical stamina to care for a tiny child.
HOwever, I want to adopt a little girl between the ages of 7 and 12. A child of that age would not need to be physically carried or lifted. My hope is that she would have the cognitive ability to somewhat understand that I am sick- and that I am not able to physically do everything that most moms do for their kids- but that I would still love her unconditionally. I would hope that she would not hate me for my physical struggles, but that she would love me for providing her with a permanent home- one that envelops her with love.
So, what do you think? Am I absolutely crazy to have this desire? Is it selfish for me to want to adopt a child when I have such problems? I'd also love to hear from parents (who live in pain) of girls this age- do you struggle physically to care for your child?
Thanks,
JC
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Reply #1 01/08/09 8:45am
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Reply #2 01/08/09 8:55am
JC, I forgot to add one thing: have you ever been tested for Adult Growth Hormone Defiecency? The Dr. that tests for this is an endocrinoligist/internist. They are the only ones who do. It is a disease that results from blows to the head. The pituitary gland becomes damaged and quits working. The symptoms mirror myofashia... Once I was diagnosed and started treatment - a shot of norditropin every night, my pain,sleepiness, and muscle spasms decreased significantly. I still have pain and knots, but not to the extent they were before. I too was in several wrecks and had fallen and hit my head. The test is a 3 hour blood test, very simple and painless. But almost no one outside the field knows about this disease. It is extremely rare in adults, common in children. -
Reply #3 01/08/09 2:39pm
Hi SM-
I'm SO glad to see you back on the site! I've never heard of Adult Growth Hormone deficiency, but I'm going to "google" it and read up on it. I see my Dr. next week, so perhaps I can ask him to test me for it. Thank you so much for suggesting it to me. Thank you also for your advice on adopting. I really really appreciate it. Tonight is the big night- where we meet with the adoption agency, and we will find out more about whether my disability will exclude us or not. I am anxiously waiting on pins and needles, crying at the drop of a hat! (Both from excitement- that it might actually happen, and terror- that we'll be denied).
JC
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