amzgrace

Resentful and heartbroken @ the same time!!!

Posted on 10/07/09, 09:10 am

I'm an only child. My mothers mom died when she was only 7, dad no where to be found. My dad worthless to me as a father, he is now deceased. My mother was married 5 X's. She once married a man who was an alcoholic, who locked us in a basement for 3 days. He put a 357 cocked and loaded to my temple. (My mom hid in the other room) On my 16 birthday we were literally on the run for our lives. That husband eventually shot himself! My mother use to drink scotch straight and then go on these tyraids, where she would spit in my face and smack me in the face and call me terrible names. Finally I ran away, she was taken to court for child abuse and I went to live with my grandmother. My kids are biracial and when my daughter was 8 months old, I was living with her, she told me to get my N***** baby and get out. She threw me and my 8 month old out into the street during a snow storm. This is not to say all things with her have been all horrible, but the bad does over ride the good. Well in July she had a major stroke and has been left left side paralized and I am left holding the whole bag. There are days I feel so bad for her, and there are days I can't help but think I wish she wasn't my mother. How sad is that? I have this mixture of resentment and sorrow. The not knowing is driving me crazy, I may be responsible for her for a very long time and don't know if I am or willing or can do the job. Any suggestions?

• Reply #1 10/19/09  4:07am
  
  JenCrySmiles
  Wow. I don't know the best answer or suggestion to put for you. I can only give you my opinion.
  So, please take it for what it's worth. I hope this somehow will help you.
  First I need to tell you that I am so sorry that you went through so much in your life.
  I can not even imagine how hard or how terrifying that was. You are a very strong woman to
  have gone through so much and you are still going and still here. You need to give yourself
  credit for that. I am a Mother of 4 bi-racial children. So, I do know how that goes with some
  people being ignorant and closed minded. The best thing you can do for your kids is to love
  them a lot and let them know to be just as proud of their black heritage as they are their
  white heritage. Now here comes the big one. . .if I understand you right you're saying that
  you're Mom is the one that had a stroke and is paralyzed on the left side??
  It's a BIG decision to make as to if you are going to care for her. The thing is that eventually
  she will have to be put into some kind of retirement home or hospital. As you get older you
  won't be able to care for her. You know what I'm saying? If I were you I'd sit down and write
  out a list of the pros and cons of caring for her. Now I know the things you posted that she
  did and allowed were horrendous. I'm not overlooking that. I think that maybe spending some
  time in prayer about this whole matter would help a lot. Another matter is your kids.
  You have them to think of first. So I don't know. Financially how can you do all that?
  Just some things I thought of when I read this. I hope I didn't overstep or offend you in any
  way as that was NOT my intention. I wish you the best of luck in whatever your decision is.
  I hope you will come back and post what you decide to do and how that works out.
  You take care and remember you have us here when you need us.
  

She gave us life and brought us into the world. So why do things have to be so difficult? This group is for anyone who has issues with their Mom and would like support in dealing with it. Together maybe we can get a better understanding of why and how to deal with it.