Wowww, parts of that sound kinda familiar! I'm so sorry. Hey, have you ever read "Children of the Self Absorbed"? That might be a good book for you. If you aren't sure, they have it in chain bookstores like Borders or B&N...go find a copy and read like the 1st 2 pages; it will either sound like your mother or it won't. But I read that book and it nailed my mom, and both gave me new understanding and made me feel so much better about a lot of things!
Oh, and welcome! It's a small group so far, so, you know, sometimes activity here is sporadic. ;-)
Discussion Topic
New here and glad I found this!
Posted on 02/03/09, 12:44 pm
I am in my 40's and a mother of two daughters myself. My mother had always been unresponsive and unloving towards me and left our family when I was 14 years old. She left the country to be with a man she had a fling with while we were on vacation and left me with my two older brothers and my suicidal father. Times were tough but I was sort of glad she was gone because I always felt she didnt like me anyway. After my first year of college, I decided to try to have a relationship with my mother. Long story short, we did establish a relationship but it was always pretty superficial. She has never liked my husband and has made it clear in her silent manipulative way that he is unwelcome in her home. We now live within several miles and I have not seen my mother for two years. I had a hospitilization 2 years ago and when I needed her to be there for me and my kids, she had better things to do. When I got out of the hospital I emailed her how hurt I was and she didnt even respond for weeks. In my opinion, it brought back all my emotional issues with her from the past. Now I have problems making friends, maintaining relationships other than my husband and children and I know it stems from these issues I have with my "emotionally absent" mother. I guess in my mind I always wonder why she never loved me. How could she be so cold? There isnt a day that goes by that I dont tell my girls how much I love them, yet I was never told once by my own mother. I guess I will always feel unlovable as a result. I am glad that I found this group, I hope I will learn how to come to terms with this from others who have experienced similar issues. Thanks for listening! Dee
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Reply #1 02/13/09 12:34pm
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Reply #2 02/19/09 2:25pm
I'm glad you found the group as well. I'm sorry things are so strained with you and your Mom. You sound like a beautiful person. I think your Mom has her own issues hun that aren't because of you. Don't take her lack of support as a reflection on you. Maybe she just doesn't know how to be any other way. While that DOES NOT excuse her from how she's treated you, your husband..your family put some emotional distance between you and her. It sounds like that would be better for you.
I understand having issues with making friends and trusting others.
If you ever want someone to talk to I am here.
Remember to take a little step each day for yourself in the way of healing it will go a long way.
Welcome
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She gave us life and brought us into the world. So why do things have to be so difficult? This group is for anyone who has issues with their Mom and would like support in dealing with it. Together maybe we can get a better understanding of why and how to deal with it.
